Post # 1
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
A little bit of background: I am pretty shy until you get to know me. I am the really anti-spot light, please don’t look at me while I am doing something kind of person. I really wanted to elope BUT my Future Mother-In-Law insisted on having a wedding so we are having a very small wedding (43 guest) on her dime. I’m not even walking down an aisle because I don’t want people to watch me.
Anyway, I decided that I did not want to cut the cake. Once again, I did not want people watching while we cut the cake. I let Future Mother-In-Law know even though I thought FH had told her (he just assumed she figured it out), and oh my goodness, there was so much heartbreak in her reaction. I told FH that if he wanted to cut the cake, I would stand next to him but he doesn’t want to do that too.
Anyway, convince me to cut the cake. We are not feeding each other cake though. Why is this important? Why should I do it?
Please keep in mind that I am essentially being forced and steamrolled into having this wedding. Up until about three weeks ago, I have been trying to get FH to elope with me. Also, I am not planning this wedding but the parts that FH had to plan (photographer, officiant, invitations, etc) I had to do of course.
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
Don’t be manipulated. It’s your wedding, not hers; you’ve already compromised a lot just by having a wedding at all. She’ll get over it.
Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Have a conversaiton with your FH letting him know why you aren’t going to do the cake cutting (because you have already compromised enough and now it’s time for you to get something back for yourself.) Both of you need to tell Future Mother-In-Law up front that it won’t be happening. I would remind her that you are people not props for photographs and there will be plenty of photos of the two of you, just not pretending to cut a cake (which let’s be honest is just staged for photos anyways.) Or, if you think Future Mother-In-Law will create too much pre-wedding drama, you could tell her sure now and then “forget”/refuse on the day of the wedding.
Post # 5
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
I don’t even feel like most people notice the cake being cut. I usually miss that part unless the DJ goes out of his way to draw attention to it. I wouldn’t do it if you don’t want to. I understand why you’re in an awkward position since she’s paying for the wedding, but you didn’t want to have it in the first place! No need to be miserable on your wedding day – just say you’ve already made a lot of compromises and you just don’t want to do it.
Post # 6
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@MRSsrm85: Just serve cupcakes, then you won’t have a reason to cut a cake.
Post # 7
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
@housebee: I wish 🙂 FH’s older brother had cupcakes and there was lots of talk about that. They had a small cake for cake cutting though. The cake has already been designed (selected by me) and paid for by my Future Mother-In-Law.
Post # 8
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@MRSsrm85: Ah, this really sounds more like your Future Mother-In-Law wedding than yours. Honestly I never watch the cake cutting as a guest, but I can understand why it’d still be stressful for you as the bride. I think if you just explain to her how uncomfortable you are with it, she’ll understand.
Post # 9
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
@housebee: Oh, it is her wedding. FH and I are just the props.
Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
@MRSsrm85: OMG you are just like me 🙂 I too wanted to elope and detest being the center of attention. I hate the idea of walking down the aisle and also do not want to cut the cake. I also do not want to repeat vows and am arranging it so that all I have to say is “I do” while the officiant does the talking. I felt pressure to have a wedding as well. We are having a destination wedding with only 20 people, but it’s still a bit much for me. I feel like it’s all about the fan fare and not about us. I basically consented to the wedding because his parents “wanted to be there”…but even with 20 people it’s a lot of planning and now he’s burnt out and seriously considering eloping lol. He told his parents last night. The only reason I’m considering still going through with the wedding is because I don’t want to look back and regret not doing it and having our parents there. That being said, everything is our way. We are staying together the night before the wedding, he is taking me to the ceremony, we are having our “first look” before the wedding in private without everyone else gawking and then having those photos taken beforehand. I’m sure people will be like “they didn’t do this or this..and we didn’t get to see the inital reaction..and why didn’t they recite vows..blah blah” but I’m over it. If they “Want to be there”..they can be there..but it is on our terms and not theirs. He’s also going dress shopping with me lol. I say if you don’t want to cut the cake..then don’t. I don’t get the point of the whole cake cutting thing anyway. Hey, did you know that the whole concept of not seeing the bride before the wedding stems from an ancient tradition of when marriages were arranged and the reason the bride was veiled and kept hidden was in case the groom saw her and didn’t want to go through with it?? lol!!! I have no idea where the whole shoving the cake in someone’s face came from. Maybe that came from a tradition of after the groom actually saw the bride and was already married to her..his only choice left was to shove cake in her face lol.
I think some “traditions” are really antiquated and I say you should do what you want. If you are going to have a wedding when you wanted to elope, that is concession enough for everyone..and everything else needs to be your way. It’s not about “the show” that everyone feels entitled to see. It’s about you and your fiance. I think some people don’t realize how hard it is for us more shy people to have to stomach something like that and that it actually detracts from our “Big day”. Hang in there!!!
Post # 11
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
@MRSsrm85: You should do it because it makes you uncomfortable. It would be a big step for you as person who doesn’t like the spotlight. In your life you will have to do many things that make you nervous or uncomfortable and you dont have a choice. You can choose to avoid things like this for your entire life, and have arguments about them with your family, or you can try to conquer it. My cake cutting took about 2 minutes. It’s a few minutes out of your life to make your loved ones happy. I think that’s worth it.
I think it’s sad you’re not walking down the aisle. I understand not wanting to be the center of attention, but you are depriving your Fiance of that moment. I think you should step outside of your comfort zone and prove to yourself that you are an adult who can do anything you put your mind to.
Post # 12
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
@MrsTVLover: We are taking all our pictures before the ceremony so he is already being deprived of that moment. I am already doing things outside of my comfort zone. Thanks for the snarky reply.
Post # 13
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
@MRSsrm85: Hey there, just because you are taking the pictures before the ceremony doesn’t mean you are depriving him at all! 🙂 You can just have it be with the two of you, and the photographer and personally, just having the intimacy of the 2 of you being there will lend to more genuine photos because you won’t be worried about everything else. He’s still going to see you for the first time, which is the big moment. It can and will still be special. If the relatives are honestly expecting everything to be a show for them – the aisle, watching the photos be taken, the cake cutting – that is their problem for placing such expectations for their happiness, on someone elses day and they should probably take a look at themselves. It is a day for the two of you. Everyone else had their chance to have their wedding their own way, and now it’s your turn. As far as being out of your comfort zone. It makes no sense why you would have to be out of your comfort zone on your wedding day. You are probably already out of your comfort zone even having to think about and plan this whole thing and I totally get it. I don’t necessarily think you need to use your wedding day as your opportunity for growth either. Whoever said doing things you aren’t comfortable with is “growing”. Maybe you are self actualized enough to know that you don’t need certain things in your life and self actualized enough to know who you are without having to succumb to the expectations of society. I say be strong and stand up for what you want, it is your day.
Post # 14
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
@Seeshells: Thanks for your reply! I think I am going to give FH the option of cutting the cake with me standing next to him. We are not going to be feeding each other cake. We are simply not a demonstrative, PDA couple and I think everyone is having such a hard time understanding that. He has already seen me in my dress and also in my hair and make up too. We are having pictures taken beforehand, but not doing a first look because it is not our style.
Post # 15
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
do it for the lovely pictures! 🙂
Post # 16
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
I understand being shy, but try to remember since it’s a smaller gathering, most of the people there will be people who truly love you and your FH. Instead of thinking of it as being in the spot light, cutting the cake and feeding it to each other is a shared symbolic moment between the two of you and your family is simply sharing in the love.
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