- 3 months ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I hope you’re all well! I am coming to you for some advice and yes, the situation involves the couple from the shady Vegas elopement. So once again, go potty, get a snack and a beverage, settle in and get ready for the shade and drama that have me asking for your sage advice. Oh, to get you up-to-date on Groom & Bride. They’re still married. They had a reception for family and friends and it didn’t go very well. They had a lovely venue, but decided to do everything themselves to save money so everything was at least 90 minutes behind schedule and they arrived looking sweaty and disheveled from cooking food, setting up chairs, etc. There were no flowers, no decorations, just tables & chairs. But the food was okay and the music was good. Since then, Bride has told me that Groom’s Brother still wants to be with her and is going to leave his wife once their daughter graduates high school in a ciouple of years. She hasn’t decided yet if she will leave Groom for Brother. She’s thinking it over because they lost the house they were in and are now in a much smaller rental in a really bad neighborhood. Evidently it is so bad, while we know what area they said it is, no family or friends have been to the house or know esactly where it is & they’ve been they more than six months.
So, Groom’s daughter is getting married. Groom’s Daughter (GD going forward) has a child with a guy she was supposed to marry last year, but she canceled the wedding and 6 months later was shacked up with New Guy (NG going forward). NG seems very successful and likes to make it known he drives a Mercedes, wears designer clothes, etc. He travels frequently for his work and takes GD with him on occasion. Despite seemingly knowing thousands of people in a not-so-large area (he lived in our neck of the woods for a couple of years until about 2 years ago), no one in the family knew or had ever heard of NG until they were living together — oh, they moved in together about 45 days after they met (he had to break up with his previous girlfriend according to GD) — and will have known each other about 15 months when they tie the knot.
Hubby & I were some of the first “family” to meet NG because we visit their area regularly for other reasons and they are quite social — hosting brunches, birthday parties, etc. Upon meeting NG, both Hubby & I felt there was something strange about him but couldn’t say exactly what. NG has quite a presence; he’s got to be 6’5″ with a muscular physique, but not at all threatening. His voice might be described as cartoonish. NG hosted a brunch at a particular venue that was surprising to me because all of my gay friends lunch and brunch there. He had it set up in a separate area with a private entrance and separate restrooms, so there was no interaction with the regular brunch crowd. I found it odd and wondered if the strange thing I was feeling might be my “gaydar,” but left it alone.
They announced their engagement a month before they sent out save-the-dates and due to the paper they chose, most of the postcards arrived torn and unreadable. It took a while to reprint and resend, and once received, you had to RSVP within a couple of weeks on their wedding website.
The website only had photos of them, a date, and the state where the wedding will take place. Now we have more info and the place is not in a touristy parea where one might spend a weekend or go on vacation. It’s in the middle of nowhere (about an hour from the nearest airport and 2-3 hours from the nearest major airport.) We indicated we would be attending. I know some will say it’s not a “destination wedding” because it’s in the USA, but to me, if 95% of your guests have to fly and the other 5% has to drive 4+ hours, that’s a destination wedding.
A family member contacted me in September to tell me she knew someone who knows someone who is known to be NG’s BOYFRIEND!! He is NG’s best friend and is currently living with GD & NG as their roommate. He says NG wants to get into politics and needs a beard, so he’s marrying GD because as long as he buys her things and takes her places, she’ll be content and she’s too dumb to figure out the real deal. NG also gets an instant family because of her toddler. He claims to still be involved sexually with NG and because they are in the same field, they often travel together
So I ask Family Member why they’re coming to me & Family Member wants me to ask my gay BFF who lives in their area if he knows them and then decide whether or not to tell GD about the possibility of NG being gay or bisexual. I replied that there are really only three scenarios:
- it’s not true and GD will be crushed, hurt, upset with Family Member for spreading a rumor and will go forward with the wedding
- it’s true and GD will be crushed, hurt, upset with Family Member for being the messenger and call off the wedding
- it’s true and GD is perfectly fine with it because she is getting what she needs/wants out of this relationship/arrangement and will go forward with the wedding
I told Family Member I want no part of this and leave me and my name ALL THE WAY out of the entire thing. I’m just here to be the supportive friend of the family.
Somehow, the rumor makes it to Groom and he’s torn and coming to Hubby & me for advice, answers, and support. We listened, but didn’t offer any advice. We told him to think it over and do whatever he thinks is right and left it at that. However, I have a close relationship with GD and we talk at least 2-3 times per week. She was talking about her wedding and I asked her about not the wedding, but marriage. I asked about her expectations, is she changing her name, how she gets along with his family, etc. During that conversation, she confided that they were waiting to consummate the relationship until their wedding night. I said it was sweet, and she said it was NG’s idea. She said they share a bed, but her child sleeps with them to remove any temptation and keep them from engaging in anything beyond a goodnight kiss and snuggling. She said they get separate beds when they travel. Oookaaay…
She also mentioned she had been trying to get NG to go the doctor because he has “really bad digestive issues” and it seems to be most often after traveling with Best Friend & Possible Boyfriend (BFPB going forward). I asked what she meant by “digestive issues” and she specifically said, “He frequently suffers from painful bowel movements and anal bleeding.” I kept cool on the outside, but inside I was like “DAYUM!!” Now admittedly, if I had never heard the rumor, I would’ve chalked it up to not enough fiber in his diet without a second thought. But with the rumor and the brunch at the gay spot, my spidey-sense is tingling.
So last weekend, there was a family function near where we live; GD & NG live a couple of hours away. They asked if they could stay at our house and we were fine with it. NG was on a business trip with BFPB and would be flying in Saturday afternoon, but BFPB would not attend the party or stay at our house. Groom also asked if he & Bride could spend the night because they live out in the sticks and didn’t want to drink and drive, No problem. So Saturday night, we all attend the party and seemingly have a nice time. We all rode to and from the event together and Hubby drove. NG had been saying he didn’t feel well throughout the evening & about 15 minutes from our house, NG starts writhing and crying out in pain. GD was begging him to go to the ER but he refused. Hubby was an Army medic, so he pulls over to check out NG. Hubby has NG exit the vehicle and while standing, Hubby pokes and prods the abdomen, chest, stomach — no pain. NG says, “See, I’m fine,” and we’re prepared to continue home. As he turns to get in the car, Hubby notices blood on the rear of NG’s pants. Once everyone is buckled up, Hubby proceeds to drive directly to ER nearest our house.
NG insists it’s nothing, GD is worried, and Groom & Hubby are posted up in a corner talking quietly. Bride & I are trying to comfort GD (she’s texting someone furiously) and help NG fill out the paperwork to see a doctor. Fast forward about 90 minutes, NG is being examined and Hubby and Groom are still staying separate from the rest of us. Bride & Groom had quite a bit to drink at the party, so I’m thinking that must be it because Groom’s body language seems agitated. A few more minutes go by and BFPB shows up! GD makes a beeline to hug him and he just brushes her off and heads for the nurse’s station yelling “WHERE IS HE? WHAT IS GOING ON?? I NEED TO KNOW!!” I go over to quiet him down and tell him GD is the fiancée and we’ve got everything under control. A while later a doctor speaks to GD and she doesn’t share anything with the rest of us beyond, “They’re going to keep him overnight; you guys can home. BFPB & I will stay.”
Hubby, Groom, Bride & I roll out and Groom is all, “I do not like this dude. There’s something fishy going on here, I KNOW it!” Hubby and I are straight up crickets. Let me take this opportunity to say Groom is PISSED about the out-of-state wedding where he & all of his relatives have to travel. Airfare and hotel are about $1,500 per couple, plus you either have to arrange a shuttle, Lyft, or Uber an hour from the airport to the hotel or rent a car. The hotel is about 20 minutes from the venue because the venue is in a tiny town where the only accommodations are AirBNB, many of which are literal trailer homes and the details explain the owners live onsite and their dogs will be staying with you. He’s also upset because GD & NG aren’t allowing children, significant others (only legally wed spouses), or a specific family member’s legal husband because GD dated him a few years ago and he broke up with her then dated & married her cousin 2-3 years AFTER GD had a kid, got engaged to Baby Daddy, canceled that wedding, and hooked up with NG. Oh, and the wedding is on Super Bowl Sunday, at 6:00pm so everyone will miss the game. Oh, and it’s Bride’s birthday. Gd also had her gender reveal party on Bride’s birthday a couple of years ago then didn’t invite Bride to the baby shower.
Sunday morning we call GD & NG but it’s going straight to voicemail no matter which one of us calls. We head to the hospital and they’re all there. NG is waiting to be discharged & GD & BFPB will take him home. Cool, but they’re not answering any questions about what happened, why he had to stay overnight, etc.
This morning I called a friend who just happens to be a surgical coordinator at the hospital. Suffice to say, records indicate a foreign object was removed from NG’s bum. I text Hubby and he’s all, “Damn! Maybe Family Member was right about the rumor!” Then he says, “How can he explain this away with GD? She has to find out, right? Should we cancel our reservations and use the trip insurance to get a refund on our airline tickets? We can get our vacation days back to use for something else and make plans to have Super Bowl at our house.” Then he says, “Are you gonna tel GD what you know? It kinda seems like the right thing to do, but then again it seems like a disaster waiting to happen.”
So in the end, I’m not saying ANYTHING to GD about her fiancé, but I am asking y’all if you think we should cancel our reservations and plan not to attend this wedding, hedging our bets it will be called off shortly? Or… I’m leaning toward letting the reservations and tickets ride because if they DO go through with the wedding, there’s bound to be ALL TYPES of drama.
What do you say?
(And yes, I know I could’ve skipped the details and just asked if you would cancel plans to attend a wedding that might disintegrate, but I thought you might enjoy knowing there’s a second generation of dysfunctional drama in the family).