(Closed) "Cop Outs…"

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How often do you and SO get in disputes/disagreements/serious talks or even fights?
    Once a week : (5 votes)
    5 %
    Once a month : (36 votes)
    39 %
    Couples times a year : (47 votes)
    51 %
    Never : (4 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1420 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I haven’t fought with my Fiance for like first 1.5 years of our relationship because we had nothing to fight about. When the real life kicked in, arguments started. 6 years later we live together and plan a wedding and we do have arguments. It is never super serious because we don’t let it go that far. We had maybe two explosives arguments during whole relationship and that is it. Other than that we have disagreements and heated conversations. But it is more type of “I am so tired of you dropping your socks everywhere” so I don’t know if they qualify.

    In my opinion having no arguments in relationships is not realistic. You need a fight once in a while to clear out the air or get on the same page. But honestly wait a bit longer. 8 months is still fresh in. Arguments will happen eventually.

    Post # 3
    Member
    4508 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I can’t image not having “serious” talks with my husband, but they don’t usually turn into arguments of any sort. Of course, we’d have some arguments over our 13+ years together, though! I don’t really recall a power struggle stage – the disagreements we did have were during the long-term commitment stage – things like financial planning, work-life balance, etc. 

    I will say that I like to debate issues and current events, and it took Darling Husband awhile to realize that disagreeing on an issue and “fighting” were not the same thing. We did have an argument about arguing, as ridiculous as it sounds.

    Maybe sit down and talk about communication/arguing when you’re not in the midst of one?

    Post # 4
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

     

    Where’s the once a day option?

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    623 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    My Fiance gets defensive but only because it is never his intention to hurt me. So if we get into an argument/disagreement and I’m hurt, saying “you hurt me!” to him will cause him to get really defensive and fight back when I’m already upset, which sucks as you know. Over the years, I’ve learned to keep in mind that he would never hurt me intentionally and to figure out why I feel hurt before attacking him. Were my expectations about something too high? Did I assume he would feel a certain way about something? These are usually the causes. I’ll explain to him why I felt hurt by what he said/did based on my assumptions/expectations and then we’ll work it out together from there. Hopefully that will help you. It took YEARS to figure this out though, so of course there will be kinks to work out after 8 months.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2460 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We probably get into little disagreements about 1 a month and probably have a big fight (usually over nothing) once or twice a year. I would consider out relationship healthy . I also think the most important part about fighting is how you fight. We sometimes can get very heated but we always talk through a fight after we both have calmed down. 

    I really don’t think his reaction is a cop out, it could just be that because he hasn’t been in a relationship for a while that he has a more idealistic view of fighting and relationships then a practical and  realistic one. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2587 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    iheartu:  He needs to put his big boy pants on. Two people can’t agree on everything, so disputes are discussed and compromised upon. That’s normal. If he thinks the relationship is unstable then he sounds insecure, or simply immature.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1273 posts
    Bumble bee

    Good night, sounds like boyfriend is living in la la land. My SO used to be this way, until I told him to get over it. I reminded him that he has arguments with his siblings and friends all the time and to expect that a relationship will be perfect is both unrealistic and also total BS. The amount of sensitive and intimate issues involved in a relationship pretty much guarantees arguments.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3903 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    We can have tiny disagrements weekly, bigger ones monthly, and even bigger once yearly.. so I voted for the montly as an average. I dont trust couples who “never fight” for years and years. Either they aren’t totally emptionally invested in the relationship (or are very unemotional people)  or it’s all fertilized with BS…. lol

    Post # 11
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    nowyouareaghost:  Great answer. I agree 100%. Especially that “The amount of sensitive and intimate issues involved in a relationship pretty much guarantees arguments.” Exactly!

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee

    We have very small disagreements maybe once a month – like maybe I want to eat out and he doesn’t so I get a little cranky. We have larger disagreements, like when we’re both feeling upset and need to talk things through, maybe two or three times a year, if that. It’s not very often.

    I’m sure that might change when we have kids though.

    I remember our first fight. It was hard on me because I had never had a dsiagreement with anyone before (other than immediate family members I lived with) and it was really upsetting. I didn’t know how to deal with it and had to learn as we continued with our relationship. It’s possible that this is what he is going through as well. You need to figure out what works best with each other when it comes to things like this. For instance, Darling Husband knows I need a little time sometimes. So we will take an hour or so to cool off before we discuss things. Otherwise, I’d probably just start crying like a baby. I need time to process and get my emotions under control. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2032 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Maybe this depends what you are disagreeing on.  If in the course of a year you have found out that you are in disagreement about three major things or brought up however sweetly three major issues, then maybe this is a problem.  Fiance and I don’t agree about everything like whether to buy the turkey on Friday or Sunday, when to get the Christmas tree, etc.  But big things like meeting family, where to spend holidays, how we generally want to spend money/live life, plans for kids, plans for house buying, how we like to spend weekends, big things match up. 

    The topic ‘"Cop Outs…"’ is closed to new replies.

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