Post # 1
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
I know there was a recent post with a poll on this, but it didn’t really get at the question I have in mind.
I’m 22 and just moved out on my own. I’m a couple hours from my friends, who are still in school, and over a day’s drive from “home” and my parents. I moved to this city for a job, and the loneliness is driving me nuts. I feel so isolated and there aren’t a ton of young people here.
This will sound stupid, but the other day I was at the store and saw all these fall/winter decorations for entertaining and I thought, no one else is going to see them, so what’s the point?
My SO didn’t want to live together pre-marriage, but for a series of practical reasons it looks like he will be moving in when he graduates. I can’t wait, but the expanse of time until then looks bleak.
My job is good, but I’m also having trouble adjusting to the 9 to 5 amd trying to find purpose and meaning in what I do. I like my field, but I don’t know what I want to “be” I guess.
Has anyone been there? What did you do?
Post # 2
Member
9211 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
look for groups with interests that you like. a hiking club, a book club etc. meetup is a great place for that. or if you like any particular sport, look for running clubs, biking clubs, social sports leagues.
Post # 3
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
collegebee : can you join a gym? Go to the classes and linger around before/ after to try to get talking to people.
Its not big in every location but I had a great experience with bubble bff. I had a bf and moved to a new city alone and though everyone can use tinder to find a guy what’s so weird with doing the same for girlfriends? You have to take a deep breath and then just go for it and arrange an after work drink or something!
Post # 4
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
collegebee : Your best bet is to just get out of the house. No matter how small of a town you’ve moved to, its new to you, so there is a bunch to discover and explore. I wouldnt mind being on my own to explore a new place.
Post # 6
Member
7764 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Been there, got a cat. Then got a second cat. Then thank god met Darling Husband before I could accummulate anymore cats and cement my future as a spinster cat lady.
But yeah, I recommend a cat!
Post # 7
Member
5037 posts
Bee Keeper
I lived alone for 7 years, away from family and most all friends. I also second getting a pet. Play music or put the tv on for background noise. Find ways to keep busy by joining a class or workshop. Check out meetup.com for local events and gatherings.
My Darling Husband gave me great advice just recently. I saw some beautiful mums that I wanted decorate our front steps with. Issue being with how our front steps/porch is designed the mums would not be visible from the street. I told Darling Husband how I wish I could buy mums and maybe someday we would have a home that I could decorate. What did he say? He said who cares if they are visible from the street. If its going to make YOU happy walking in the front door and seeing the mums each day that is all that matters.
Moral of the story.. do what makes you happy, now. Decorate! Don’t put life on hold for if and when things will be better, more convenient and in agreement with what you want.
Post # 8
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
collegebee : I 2nd a pet, then you have an excuse to go to dog parks, if you get a dog… and once you meet a fellow crazy cat lady– you instantly bond! They’re always good ice breakers!
Post # 9
Member
47206 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Get out and meet people. My first husband use to get transferred every 12 months. I soon realized that it was up to me to make the first move to make friends. The people living here already had friends, but that doesn’t mean they had no room for another friendship.
Don’t be afraid to tell people that you want to meet people. Ask them for referrals to people, groups, classes they think would suit you.
Volunteer with groups with which you have an interest.
Ask someone at the gym if they want to grab a smoothie after a workout or class.
Post # 10
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
Ditto a pet. If you can’t get a cat, try to get something else warm and snuggly, like a guinea pig.
Gym also sounds great—meet some people, get some endorphins going, lower your stress, etc.
Try to find meet ups with likeminded people. If coworkers ever offer to grab drinks or get dinner, take them up on it. Just throw yourself out there.
FWIW, at 22 in my first job I also was struggling with what I wanted to “be”. I think a lot of your twenties are spent on figuring that out, and part of what helps to crystallize this for you is taking advantage of opportunities that come your way—both career-wise and social. You never know what connections you’ll make, who you’ll click with, what doors will be opened. It’s okay to feel a little uncertain and confused, just keep moving forward and making the most of everything.
Post # 11
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
I’m a huge cat person too! Unfortunately a pet isn’t doable right now as I travel a lot on the weekends – I’ve yet to spend a weekend in my new city, actually. I either go back to my alma mater for friends/football, or SO and I take trips places to go hiking and sightseeing. So I couldn’t leave a pet alone.
My job offers a gym membership as a perk, and I think I am going to try some meetup groups. I think part of the problem is that I get home from work, eat dinner, wash my dishes, and it’s nearly time for bed. I chose to forego cable, Netflix, and wifi to save money, so I think that contributes to the quiet in my apartment.
I’m also thinking of getting a part time retail job with the holidays approaching.
I have pockets of happiness here and there, and I’m trying to count my blessings. I think the 9 to 5 is just hitting me a lot harder than I thought it would – I feel zapped of energy by the time I’m done.
Post # 12
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
Do take time to make your apartment feel homey to you. Turn on Spotify, think about all the things you couldn’t do with a roommate and do them! Even if you’re only there a short while, it is nice to come home to a cozy place. Don’t necessarily think about it as decorating for other people but what will make you feel at home. And maybe consider Netflix or something that you can zone out with in the evening. After a long day it’s nice to zone out and watch something. Not that it’s a necessity. You could settle in with a book or anything relaxing to feel good about being home after a long day.
Post # 13
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Maybe your current work isn’t your final career, but you can still grow and learn from what you’re doing now. As far as the quiet apartment, I liked having music on when I was living alone. I think the decorating will help too. Living alone has its perks. You can walk around naked whenever you want!
Post # 14
Member
7764 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
collegebee : But that’s the beauty of a cat!! You can leave a cat alone for the weekend and the cat will be just fine. Or if you’re not comfortable doing that, hire a cat sitter to come check on them once a day…it’s like $20 where I live for a professional cat sitting service. Cats are so low maintenance!
Post # 15
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
I actually think getting a part time retail job for the holidays is a great idea. Try to find a place with people your age, or even try hostessing at a restaurant. That will open up a pool of people who are outgoing and sociable.
I have moved states four times and not known anyone in my new state each time. It can be hard, but you’re going to have to take initiative. Joining meet up groups is a great idea, but I have made some friends at the gym, in my apartment complexes, at bars (you don’t have to go and be a party girl. You’d be surprised how many people will come up to you and introduce themselves if you are at a bar or restaurant, having dinner and a glass of wine and reading a book), and also at public pools.
In your shoes, I also might not leave the new city every weekend. I know that it’s nice to see your friends when you are feeling lonely, but you might be missing out on some key opportunities to meet new people by being gone when most people aren’t working. Stay in your new place one weekend, grab a coffee and do something that interests you. Go to a museum (art or history). Join a volunteer group. I’ve met some lifelong friends by volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. Put yourself out there.
Also, at least pop a movie into a DVD player every once in a while to break up the silence.
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