Post # 1
Most of my friends are single and to make matters worse they have recently been dumped so none of them are in the mood for wedding talk- to say the least! I feel as though I have been so considerate of their newly single lives, taking time out of my busy schedule (I work full time and a part time job plus planning a wedding for 400 ppl-another job in itself) and still manage to make time for them to do ‘single stuff’ and I get nothing in return!!! Come on its a two way street people! I have stopped going to single things in the last couple of weeks bc I am just so mad that none of them are taking any initiative in my wedding… I know its far away but still come on I’m the first one to be getting married out of all of us so you would think it would be exciting for ALL of us!
Although they mention doing wedding stuff with me they never actually set a time/date for it (almost like a tease) it hurts my feelings to think that none of my friends care about my wedding! This situation feels hopeless and its making it even harder on me to pick bridesmaids amongst this group of girls. How do I get them more involved in my wedding…even though I guess at this point its not really even fair to expect them to do bridesmaidish things if I haven’t asked them to be one??? Right??…Maybe my thinking is wrong but I want to see who takes the initiative to do things first before I give them this honor, especially since I’m picking between a group of high school friends and at this point I don’t know who deserves it more?
Post # 3
It’s really hard for people who aren’t in that stage of life to relate to being engaged and getting married. I was one of the first ones to get married and no one really knew what to expect and they didn’t really know much about the planning. Are you asking these girls to be bridesmaids? If so, the only thing they really owe you is getting the dress and showing up the day of. Anything over that is nice of them but not a requirement.
As for who to pick, choose bridesmaids that you are closest to and want to be there to support you on your wedding day.
Post # 4
So you haven’t actually asked them to be bridesmaids but you’re upset they aren’t taking the initiative to get involved in your wedding????
I’m not sure what to expect here, but I don’t “meddle” (i see it as meddling!) in a wedding of a good friend I’m not in.
Plus, you aren’t even getting married for 14 months. Since they are single, they probably dont’ see the point in fussing “yet” ya know?
Cut them some slack, they probably don’t know what they “should” do, but in my opinion, I don’t really see what they should be doing to warrant you being upset with them. Sure, them asking how plans are going is nice, but uh, I certainly don’t ask everybody how their plans are going all the time!
Post # 5
You admit that they have been recently dumped, or otherwise single. It’s hard for them. At least some of them are probably jealous. I wouldn’t expect them to give you whole lot of support right now. Should we all feel happy for people’s good fortune and circumstances? Sure. But we have to understand when others are a little short sighted. That’s human nature. And it’s probably easier for them to stay away from wedding talk, with so many of them in the same boat.
How many girls are in this group, that you are trying to pick from? 10? 5? I generally discourage the thought of selecting from a group. Some are likely to be mad. And it sounds a little uncomfortable to think of them as competing for spots in your Bridal Party.
Post # 6
i [respectfully] disagree with the others and can completely understand while you’re upset. whether they are a bridesmaid or not, if these are your good friends that you have had for a long time, then they should be there for you. when i moved to a new apartment, my friends carried boxes; when my grandmother died, my friends were in teh front pew, and when i get married, i hope they will be sitting on my living room floor covered in glue and paper and whatever other diy materials are necessary.
i guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your friends, but i dont htink theres anything wrong with wanting, and expecting, them to be involved with an event that is SO MONUMENTAL in your life.
having said that, i am somewaht at a loss for any advice to give you on how to encourage/ask them to become more involved. being the only one in a seiorus relationship among my friends, i completely get how you’ve described the situation. unfortunately its one of those things that until they’ve been there, they just can’t relate. the only thing i would suggest is being open and honest, something like ‘i would really appreciate involvement in my wedding becuase you are my closest friends and i want to share this event with you as intimately as possible and i think it could bring about great bonding experiences’
good luck and try not to let their detachment take away from this great time of your life.
Post # 7
Another thing to think about, I would wait until you are maybe 8 months out from the wedding to chose the bridesmaids. Maybe you will be closer to some of those girls at that time.
Post # 8
I dealt with a similar situation because I am on of the first of my close friends to get married and like you many of my friends are single. I love my maid of honor but knew that she didn’t know much about planning so that (combined with the little bit of control freak…lotta bit? in me) made me decide to just have her handle the bachelorette party, her speech, etc and then helps when i need/want it. It has worked out well for us because she can help and be involved but not have to worry or take up too much of her busy busy life.
Post # 9
@Tanya…there are 5 girls in the group. I get what your saying about the whole don’t try to make this competition but it will inevitably become one… I can see some girls are trash talking others abilities, some have been sucking up with presents and offers to take me to bridal events. I guess its just bound to happen
@July…thank you for your sympathy, it can definitely get frustrating at times but then sometimes I think I bring it on myself
@ejs4y8…yes, those are my “other” thoughts exactly….its when I stop and think ok MAYBE I am just overreacting a teeeny weeny bit… or A LOT lol
@MissAsB… I was thinking to do it before the end of summer. Is it terrible if I ask girls outsdie this group before the end of summer and wait to ask girls from this group unitl January…which would be 8 months before my wedding? Or is it a general rule that all bridal party members should be asked within the same time frame?
@Sulli….yes, I think that is what will end up happening with my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is single but not bitter about things. I don’t expect a lot out of my girls except for maybe to come dress shopping with me and be there the day of my shower and wedding
Post # 10
@TG, if they are all your friends, is there a reason why you can’t have 5 BMs? Or is it that you would have 5 if they all showed that they cared?
Post # 11
@Tanya…I have 4 other girls too plus the 5 high school friends would make 9…that is wayyy too many!!!! I was actually thinking to either just keep it at the three or (four) depending on whether or not I include my Future Sister-In-Law or add one girl from the high school friends group.
Post # 12
Speaking as someone who was single/newly dating when everyone around was getting married… it can be really fun, but also really hard. I’m not in that situation anymore really, but for a long time I was. So, this is NOT meant as a criticism, but more just a perspective of the un-wedding minded. 🙂
It can be hard to know what to say since you don’t feel like you can contribute to the wedding conversations if you aren’t also planning one too. I know I struggled with jealousy, and, honestly, while I cared a lot about the weddings of my friends, I did get reallllly tired of constant wedding talk after awhile. After a point I just wanted to talk about life… not just wedding stuff, (even though that is really fun)!
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong at all because I understand where you’re coming from. Just make sure that your friends know first and foremost that you still want to have a life outside of your wedding, but that you also want to include them in your excitement! They will enjoy helping you a lot more and be more excited to be there for you on your special day!
Post # 13
No one will be as excited about your wedding as you. That being said, yes it’s disappointing when they aren’t as interested in wedding talk as you, but seriously, if they’ve just gone through a break-up I don’t blame them.
Post # 14
I think its because its so far, cut them some slack a little, they’re probably a little down. I’m sure as the time approaches things will get better.
Post # 15
You replied that some of these girls are sucking up buying you presents and offering to take you to bridal shows, but they are not involved/excited about your wedding? Did I read that wrong? I’m confused….
Post # 16
@ Angela…just to clear things up. Yes, they are offering but I feel like its ALL talk and no action. They’ll offer but then never actually set a date to do it? Another problem I have is because a few of the other girls in the group are recently single, I’m trying to be sensitive to their situations and not talk about my wedding much. Finally, the biggest issue I think is that since I haven’t picked any of them to be in my bridal party I feel guilty taking them up on their offers if their not going to be bridesmaids and don’t want to give them the wrong impression.