I’m on the other side of this myself. My grandparents pretty much raised my sister and me, so when my grandmother passed away this summer, it was no cake walk. At all. To make matters worse, I had to handle her estate, and let me tell you, death brings out the worst in people who are driven by material objects. I think this has really prolonged my grief, because I’ve sort of had to shuffle it off to the side to deal with all the nuisances in my family.
I’m not going to lie, it isn’t easy. You’re going to go through a wide range of emotions, and my advice is: just let them come. Sure, you’ll feel empty and hollow, maybe even nauseas like I did, but it’s necessary. You must feel these things in order to let healing begin. If you don’t release that energy, it could turn into depression, rather than simple grief.
I can’t tell you what to expect– I wanted to see no one for several weeks following her death, and I didn’t even want to leave my bedroom. Even if I wasn’t just slinking around in my bed like a lump of lazy, I didn’t want to physically be outside of the bedroom, so I did all my work there, had my meals, cleaned out closet / reorganized dressers, etc. I just couldn’t stand to be in the rest of the house because I associated it with “other people,” and I very much wanted to be alone. Other people love keeping occupied outside of the home. Socialites constantly keeping busy with friends and acquaintances to keep their mind off of the event might be theraputic.
Whatever it is that helps you, embrace it. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself extra time to sleep if you need to, grief takes a lot out of you.
Before all of that, enjoy the time you have with her. The last time I saw my grandmother was on my honeymoon. My Darling Husband and I cut out our travelling in Canada to head to the state my father had her in, and I took my wedding dress as a surprise for her to see. I changed into it, and took pictures with her. We talked about our favorite moments together, and I thanked her for being like my mother, and everything she’s ever done for my sister and me. I asked her what her favorite little girl’s name was, because I wanted to honor her in some way (she knew that her name was too old fashioned, and hated it anyway) so we decided on Annie. I hated saying goodbye, and it killed me that I had to do it, but at the same time, that is one of my most favorite moments with her. She passed away less than a year since then.
I’m sorry you’re going through this too, and I hope you find a way to come to peace that works for you. If you need support, I’m just a PM away.