(Closed) Coping with Miscarriage… need support

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
47435 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am so sorry for your loss. I have not experienced a miscarriage but I don’t imagine the pain is any less when a woman miscarries early on the pregnancy. I am sure you are heartbroken at the loss of your child.

You have expereinced the death off your baby, somehting the rest of us can only begin to understand. The pain must be undescribeable.

Know that there are bees who are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Post # 18
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Its 7 weeks since my missed M/C, your story is scarily similar, I went for a scan at 10 weeks, No heartbeat and the baby was measuring 8 weeks, I had a D&C a day later- The best way I can describe the first few weeks is numbing- I felt completly numb. HGCs were still showing positive for another 3 weeks and I got AF 6 weeks after the D&C. I am now just about turning a corner, from feeling the world had ended to having, a nervous, but renewed feeling of hope- we will try again this month.

There is no time scale on how you feel and when you need to get back to ‘normal’, a girl I work with also had a MMC and she returned to work 2 days after her D&C and dismisses it as ‘one of those things’- she’s not wrong but I needed 3 weeks off work and I’m still not at the point that she was after just 2 short days.

Don’t rush yourself, look after yourself and if your anything like me hold onto hope, I’ sorry to hear about the loss of your parents, draw strength from your DH, he sounds like a very good guy, love, luck and baby dust!

Post # 19
Hostess
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m so sorry for your los sweetheart. Back in December of 2010 my fiance and I lost our baby girl at 18 weeks, so I know how hard it is. I was on the depo shot, wound up pregnant, and the drugs from it caused the miscarriage. It’s almost 2 years later and we both still suffer with the pain from the day that we found out that we would never hold Ashlyn in our arms. 

What has helped me the most was actually starting a hope chest. My best friend had already bought a bedding set that we wanted, so that along with a number of baby clothes went into the hope chest. From time to time, I will buy gender neutral baby clothes and place them along with the other items in the chest. It doesn’t get rid of the pain, but it helps to know that one day we will get to use them.

It does get better with time. Never easier, but it does get better. If you need to talk, I’m just a PM away hon. Stay strong <3 

Post # 20
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

*hugs*  I’m so sorry for your loss.  I’ve lost 2 now in the last 9 months and it just doesn’t get any easier.  I’ve found that the sadness and pain will come and go in waves.  The best advice I can give you is to allow yourself whatever time you need to grieve.  People who haven’t been through a loss often won’t understand and will try and tell you that you’ve grieved too long or need to move on.  Everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way.

We’ve chosen both times to try to conceive again right away, but that’s something that you and your husband need to decide for yourselves.  Whether you try right away or wait for a bit, there isn’t a right or wrong – it’s whatever is right for you.

What made it a bit easier for me was giving them each a gender and name.  I hated thinking of them only as ‘the miscarriages’ or even referring to them as angels (even though I love the term), so it helped me heal a bit to give them a sex and a name.  Angie and Dustin will forever be in my heart.  

A 2nd thing that made it a bit easier was making something to remember them by.  In my case I made a couple of necklaces that I could wear whenever I wanted to:

 

Like Pacificgirl says, it doesn’t really get any easier, and doesn’t get rid of the pain, but somehow it does bring some comfort.

A couple of weeks ago someone posted this amazing article on a facebook group that I’m part of.  It made me bawl like a baby, but it’s brought me a ton of comfort and a sense of peace about everything.  Maybe it will do the same for you:  http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/

 

If you ever need someone to talk to or at, I’m always here.  *hugs*

Post # 21
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MCC919:  I am so sorry you had to go through this- BIG hug to you, here is my story so you know you are not alone, please feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk about it. I know sometimes I do. I want to start with my story, me and my husband just got married 9/14/2013. We wanted to start TTC right away, we got that lovely pregnancy test that read POSITIVE!! we we’re over the moon my obgyn wanted to wait to see us until we were at least 8-10 weeks. Felt like the lonest couple of weeks to wait!!!!! me and hubby we’re so excited to see out lil baby on the sono screen and out biggest nightmare came true. I knew right away that something wasn’t right by the look on the techs face, I kept asking is everything ok is everything ok I don’t see anything. She asked me if I had any bleeding or cramping I told her no not at all. I looked up in the air and cried and cried my husband had to ask the rest of the questions for us. She said I had what is called a blighted ovum, never in my life have I every hear of such a thing or knew such a thing existed. She went onto explain that something went wrong with the pregnancy and showed us what a 8 week sac with yolk should look like. I was so lost, empty and confused. The tech left the room and told us she was sorry. She said we will be meeting with another dr in a little while. I was so upset I couldn’t get dressed, my husband had to get my clothes on, how could this happen I feel pregnant no bleeding or cramping!!! What did I do wrong????? Shortly after my nurse practitioner came in she is wonderful I was supposed to be seeing her today for my exam, she does my yearly’s as well. As soon as I saw her face I cried and cried and all she could say was this happens all the time, I asked what did I do?? She said nothing it just didn’t happen. She told me I was going to meet with another dr and I said why cant I just meet with you. She told me she is not trained in these things nor does d&c. D&C!?? NOOO that’s when everything got foggy from there. Another nurse came in and brought us to another room. We met with another dr who was very dry and right to the point, older man who said he has been doing this for a very long time. He said maybe just maybe if I wait a week we might see something but its very unlikely. He said it could be too early to see anything, but again he said its very unlikely after he looked at my sono pictures and said I had a 7 week looking sac. He gave us our options, ideally he said the best would be I would pass on my own, he could give me medicine to start the miscarriage up or the dreaded d&c. I left the office still upset I knew in my heart this was the end. I thought how are we going to tell our families this?? They were all so supportive and I thank God I didn’t have to go through this alone. I got home and goggled everything under the sun, all false blighted ovum’s and success stories. I cried for 2 days straight., Thanksgiving was a couple days later and me and my husband and our 7 year old daughter traveled to VA to visit his family. The week and a half was grueling for me all I wanted to do was pass it on my own if that’s the way it was going to be. The thought of a D&C scared me to know end. The week and a half was here, again I knew in my heart I would see the same sono picture with nothing. I was right. The nurse apologized and said we would be meeting again with the dry older dr. This time he seemed like a new person, very sweet, he told us he was sorry and had the bad news. He told us it was nothing we did wrong and our chances of TTC were not affected and is sure that we would go on to have a healthy pregnancy. He told me he highly recommended to “empty my uterus” I thought no no not a D&C, he told us the procedure was so easy and 15 minutes at the most. He went on to tell us I could wait to miscarry on my own but there’s no telling when that would be, he also was concerned with infection and bleeding being that the size of my sac has grow, my body was still feeding the pregnancy hormone. He told us if we do miscarry on our own the chances of me not passing everything were high and I would still end up needing the D&C. I cried and cried I wanted this naturally, but I knew my husband needed his wife back and our daughter needed her mommy back 100%. I just wanted it over to move on and start healing emotionally and physically and of course start to try again. We were able to meet with another nurse to schedule my D&C for that Friday at one, I thought how am I going to go through with this. I spent the next two days crying and being scared to know end, the morning came for the day of my surgery and I was a nervous wreck I didn’t want to be put to sleep I didn’t want to be hooked up to an IV. I prayed and prayed to have nice nurses and dr because that makes a world of difference. We got to the hospital at 10:30, we we’re given this little buzzer, kind of like when your at a restaurant and your table is ready 🙂 We didn’t have to fill out any paper work my obgyn office was able to get all my information over for me, well the buzzer went off this is it!!!! I immediately began to get teary eyed and choked up. (The fear of the unknown) they told me to walk down to another desk, my hubby was not allowed to come they said once I’m all prepped he can come visit. The second desk had a nurse waiting to let me though the big double doors, as soon as I entered my room and saw my SWEEEEET nurse, hospital gown and (ugly socks) I busted out crying. But before the nurse saw me cry she said how are you and then the tears started, she said “ok this is normal and understandable, you are going to be just fine I promise”. Immediately I felt better. She could tell I was very nervous and told me she would have a treat for me after I met with the anesthesiologist. She said if I like wine ill love her forever, she was going to give me some soothing meds and its like a bottle of wine without the calories. I was reluctant at first, I don’t like the outer body experience and not being in control, I think that’s why the whole putting me to sleep freaked me out so much! She asked me some more health history, some crazy question I might add a lot we just laughed through. I met with the anesthesiologist and he was a fun guy! Told me everything that he was going to do and how I would feel when I woke up and got home. Then the knees started to shake and she told me she would get my husband so I could have this zero calorie wine, she felt it was important my husband see me before any soothing meds were given. Like I said I was reluctant at first so she said she didn’t want me to feel pressured but she is treating me like a little sister, again sweet nurse, world of difference. She gave me half of the syringe through my iv and what a help!! Knees instantly stopped shaking and we we’re able to talk and laugh. Then my sweet nurse had to head out for lunch and then the knees started to knock again, she gave me the rest of the wine 🙂 me and my husband shared a few good laughs. The dr who was going to preform the surgery came in sat down with me and told me everything step by step, was so sweet him and my husband were able to laugh and joke about some football. The sweet nurse came back into check on me and told me the OR room is running behind, I’m ready to get this over with. Another nurse comes into my room who was also very kind introduces himself to us and asks my husband to head out because the dr was ready for me. The kind nurses gives me some more wine which was great and fun little ride to the OR room,once I got to the OR room all I can remember is a whole lot of lights and sweet voices, telling me I was going to do just fine. They told me they were going to give me an oxygen mask for some air, after that I was going going gone, waking up in recovery!!!!!!! I actually woke up as they were wheeling me back into my room and felt great! Just a little crampy like a normal period ( I typically have rough ones) I got to see my husband right away, and they asked me what I wanted to drink because I had to pee before they would send me home. I chugged apple juice and water to get the heck out of there. I was gone in no time, I told my husband family and friends you were all right it was nothing! The best sleep I ever had!
However,The moral of this story is that I was scared just like YOU, I will be ok and so will YOU! Not at all throughout this post have you heard me say omg I was in so much pain, that was the scariest thing I ever went through, not at all. I am again so glad I decided to have this pregnancy removed and not wait around for it to pass on its own. I don’t want to say this is what every woman should do, however this is what was right for me. Today is the day after my surgery and I feel great. It does not hurt to walk, I had a ball at my daughters first basketball game of the season, I was shopping at Target as well 🙂 I’m a little sore in my right arm where they gave me a shot to dilate my cervix. I only know about this shot because I asked why is my arm a little sore, and they explained. They said sometimes the dr will give it to you in your hip or arm. All in all yesterday was anything but traumatic, I hope that if this is something that you will be experiencing soon this story will help. Truly the worst part was the silly IV or maybe having to be woken up for that lovely slumber. However, I am not above admitting that I still feel a pinch of sadness whenever I remember that “oh yeah I will not be having a baby in July nor picking out any baby names or registering for my baby shower”- right now there is no baby. However I am definitely on the mend. I also feel people should not have to be so hush hush about a miscarriage or d&c it does truly just make it more scary when its not, my only wish is that I hope what I’ve shared here will help people know what to expect and to not feel so lonely or afraid. Despite all of this I was surprised how quickly I got over things on an emotional and physical level. I hope you don’t think I’m heartless but I have cried and cried about the lack of baby since the day I have found out until yesterday. This information is personal to me and my husband, but I feel I had to share my story because I know in the bottom of my heart I’m not the only woman going though this. This is the kind of post I wish I found on all night Google searches. If you are going through this please please know that you will be OKAY. Please know that I am praying and thinking of you! If you want to reach out please please do I would love to be that person to bring you any comfort. God bless you ALL>

Post # 22
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@winston15:   Thanks for sharing your story and I’m hoping you’re digging up all of these year old miscarriage threads out of love and support, but just to let you know that a lot of people…years later…have coped and no longer want to think about these hard moments in their lives.  Digging up all these old threads may be a trigger for some.

Post # 23
Member
1530 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MCC919:  I am so sorry for your losses – your mother and your baby.  Grieve as long as you need and lean on your DH for support!  ((HUGS))

Post # 24
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@MrsBaldEagle:  Thank you so much. This means more than you know.

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