Post # 1
Recently, I had to tell my maid of honor that I did not see a future where we are a part of each other’s wedding parties. I know deep in my heart that it was the right decision, as our friendship has been toxic through the years–especially so in the last few months. My fiance and family also feel that this was the right and necessary decision. However, this was especially hard, because our mothers were good friends since we were three years old. In the end, though, I would be lying if I said I could forgive her for some of the things that happened.
My question is this: where do we go from here? Do we try to salvage something one day, maybe to the point where we attend each other’s weddings as guests in a sign of good faith? Do you not go, knowing she may not want you there, and that you feel awkward attending? This seems like a hard thing to come back from. At what point do you stop mourning the loss of a maid of honor, of a childhood friend, even if the friendship was no longer much of a friendship? It’s an odd feeling–almost like someone died. Bees–Have you had to ask your maid of honor to step down? How did you cope with making that decision? Where do we go from here?
Post # 2
So did you just ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor or did you end the friendship?
If she’s toxic enough you asked her to step down you shouldn’t be friends at all. And if you aren’t friends at all, then that’s it. There isn’t any going to each other’s weddings or whatever else, cause like – you’re done. You cut contact and you’re done.
Post # 4
I guess I am confused why you are making this about an honour position in a wedding? What is the point of continuing a toxic friendship with someone but drawing a line at not particpating in each others wedding parties? This seems really strange to me. It also seems strange that you think someone would want to continue a relationship with you after you told them that. Because kicking someone out of your bridal party is usually a friendship ending move.
I am not saying you were wrong for not wanting this person in your wedding/not wanting to particpate in theirs. But I don’t understand why you haven’t ended this friendship totally. Why do you think there is any coming back from here?
In the future you just be civil and polite to this person when you have to be at the same events. But otherwise just cut the cord and end the friendship.
Post # 5
Didn’t you post about her before? Can’t see the thread. I remember she was horrible, so not sure why you’re still looking to get involved with her in the future. Did you end the friendship? Because taking her out of your wedding should do it and I think you should leave it at that. She’s toxic and you shouldn’t want to include toxic people into your life. Just be done with it and move on.
Post # 6
Why’d you make her your Maid/Matron of Honor if this was years of a toxic relationship?
Post # 7
I wouldn’t try to participate in this persons life anymore.
Post # 8
When you dump someone you (the you that was formerly a ‘we’) don’t go anywhere from there. You (who is now just a single YOU) go home and you go about your life.
Post # 9
I am glad you stood upnfor yourself. I wouldn’t waste any more brain cells on her.
Post # 10
The two of you were no longer friends, which is why she is no longer in your wedding party.
You aren’t friends and haven’t been in a very long time so you go nowhere. You stop pretending to be friends and are polite to her if you happen to run into each other. You don’t invite people you are no longer friends with to your wedding. If you get an invite to her wedding you then decide how you would like to respond. You lost your childhood friendship a long time ago. You don’t have to still be friends to have the memories of your childhood friendship.
Post # 11
Dude, I thought you killed her. Nice thread header…
Post # 12
I remember your precious posts about this situation, and I’m happy for you that you were able to do what was necessary. It’s truly the best thing. I know you struggled with the action, but it’s done now. It’s over! Feel the relief and enjoy it, and move on. The friendship is over, because it was already over. You don’t live near each other, and truly it sounds like your moms’ friendship with each other is what kept you talking this long.
Post # 13
Let go and move on. The friendship you had in the past no longer exists.
Your mothers are old enough to be able to maintain a friendship whether or not their daughters are friends. So there is no need for you to include this person in your life for the sake of your mother’s friendship.
Obviously, be civil if and when you do meet – but don’t engineer situations where that is going to happen. I’m sure there are loads of people you DO want at your wedding, without making space for someone you don’t want.
Post # 14
swear to god, I thought the Maid/Matron of Honor had died!