Coping with the Loss of a MOH

posted 10 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
10315 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

So did you just ask her to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor or did you end the friendship?

If she’s toxic enough you asked her to step down you shouldn’t be friends at all. And if you aren’t friends at all, then that’s it. There isn’t any going to each other’s weddings or whatever else, cause like – you’re done. You cut contact and you’re done. 

Post # 3
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

^ This. No other advice. 

Post # 4
9251 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I guess I am confused why you are making this about an honour position in a wedding? What is the point of continuing a toxic friendship with someone but drawing a line at not particpating in each others wedding parties? This seems really strange to me. It also seems strange that you think someone would want to continue a relationship with you after you told them that. Because kicking someone out of your bridal party is usually a friendship ending move.

I am not saying you were wrong for not wanting this person in your wedding/not wanting to particpate in theirs. But I don’t understand why you haven’t ended this friendship totally. Why do you think there is any coming back from here?

In the future you just be civil and polite to this person when you have to be at the same events. But otherwise just cut the cord and end the friendship.



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Post # 5
294 posts
Helper bee

Didn’t you post about her before? Can’t see the thread. I remember she was horrible, so not sure why you’re still looking to get involved with her in the future. Did you end the friendship? Because taking her out of your wedding should do it and I think you should leave it at that. She’s toxic and you shouldn’t want to include toxic people into your life. Just be done with it and move on. 

Post # 6
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Why’d you make her your Maid/Matron of Honor if this was years of a toxic relationship?

Post # 7
344 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t try to participate in this persons life anymore. 

Post # 8
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

When you dump someone you (the you that was formerly a ‘we’) don’t go anywhere from there. You (who is now just a single YOU) go home and you go about your life.

Post # 9
4591 posts
Honey bee

I am glad you stood upnfor yourself. I wouldn’t waste any more brain cells on her.

Post # 10
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

The two of you were no longer friends, which is why she is no longer in your wedding party.

You aren’t friends and haven’t been in a very long time so you go nowhere. You stop pretending to be friends and are polite to her if you happen to run into each other. You don’t invite people you are no longer friends with to your wedding. If you get an invite to her wedding you then decide how you would like to respond. You lost your childhood friendship a long time ago. You don’t have to still be friends to have the memories of your childhood friendship.


Post # 11
533 posts
Busy bee

Dude, I thought you killed her.  Nice thread header…

Post # 12
2841 posts
Sugar bee

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@summerbride21:  I remember your precious posts about this situation, and I’m happy for you that you were able to do what was necessary. It’s truly the best thing. I know you struggled with the action, but it’s done now. It’s over! Feel the relief and enjoy it, and move on. The friendship is over, because it was already over. You don’t live near each other, and truly it sounds like your moms’ friendship with each other is what kept you talking this long. 

Post # 13
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Let go and move on.  The friendship you had in the past no longer exists.

Your mothers are old enough to be able to maintain a friendship whether or not their daughters are friends.  So there is no need for you to include this person in your life for the sake of your mother’s friendship.

Obviously, be civil if and when you do meet – but don’t engineer situations where that is going to happen.  I’m sure there are loads of people you DO want at your wedding, without making space for someone you don’t want.

Post # 14
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@hampsterdance:  swear to god, I thought the Maid/Matron of Honor had died! 

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