Coping with the Loss of a MOH

posted 10 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
2053 posts
Buzzing bee

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So after reading through and realizing that no one died, I remembered your other posts. I’m glad you finally made the decision to get this woman out of your wedding and out of your life. In a situation like this you need to  completely let go. This not salvageable. She has treated you terribly. Away with her and good riddance. Don’t go chasing after her when you start feeling nostalgic. Focus on positive friendships. Shut down your mother’s complaints if she brings it up again and criticizes your decision or your timing. Don’t let people control you.

Post # 17
1161 posts
Bumble bee

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I have seen this with friends of mine.

They get to the point with a friend where they realise that they don’t want that friend to be part of a particular event because the friend has been nothing but trouble, but then they wonder whether there’s some way to carry on some semblance of a friendship after that.

And they come to me for advice, and then I remind them of all the other times this friend let them down, treated them badly, was just basically a bad friend, and I ask them honestly “Why do you want a friend like this?”

I think it’s a combination of fear of being alone and low self-esteem, coupled with some self-doubt, but honestly, we’ve got to just have the courage to let people go who are bad for us. Having toxic people around is like sipping a little bit of poison each time you’re around them.

Just let the friendship go. No looking back.

Post # 18
217 posts
Helper bee

Something similar has happened to someone who used to be a friend of mine. She was told that she wouldn’t be in the wedding party anymore but she was invited as a guest. She decided to attend the wedding as she felt that people would gossip if she didn’t attend and she wanted to look cool about this even though she wasn’t. I don’t think these are the right reasons to attend a wedding.

A few years later, coincidentally she did the same thing to me. She basically asked me to be the equivalent of a witness in a traditional religious ceremony but then her future husband persuaded her to choose one of his friends instead. He has never met me so it wasn’t anything personal. He just wanted his friend to have that role. I was invited to the wedding as a guest and of course I decided not to attend as I didn’t want to be fake. I didn’t want to cause a stir so I just said that I wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding without explaining the reason. I did that months after the wedding as I felt that it would be wrong to spoil their wedding by complaining. She first pretended that she had never asked me to be in the wedding party but I had offered (lie) and then she tried to put the blame on her husband. We’re not friends anymore.

For your situation, I’d say that you should really think if this is a friendship you really want to preserve and if yes, why. If the reasons are to avoid gossip or any other social reason, I think it’s not worth it.

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