(Closed) Copycat Bridesmaid… Mostly ranty and long, but would love some perspective

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

yikes! I am so sorry this is happening to you. You’re being such a good sport about it! I would have been really frustrated with the copying of the dresses…and similar STD’s…and the bouquets! GEEZ!

Have you mentioned to her that things seem a little similar? She might be responsive. Maybe she doesn’t realize that she’s copying everything you do? I can’t imagine that she is completely clueless but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt!

You should tell her you changed your honeymoon location and see what she does 😉

Post # 4
395 posts
Helper bee

Tell her there was a major mistake with the venue, and they have all but given it to you free, if you just move your wedding to their only available date, which is 3 weeks before her wedding. You called the resort, and thank goodness they are able to move your honeymoon up too! See what her reaction is.

Ok maybe that’s not the greatest advice. I really have no idea what I would do in your situation, tell her all about the other place you and Fiance really wanted to honeymoon at (even if it hadn’t even crossed your mind) and hope she takes that path. Sorry, still not the greatest advice.

Maybe tell her about a coworker or somebody whois totally copying you on everything these days and see what advice she has.

Post # 5
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Awww. I’m sorry she’s making you so uncomfortable! I can totally see how you’re putting in all the leg work and she’s swooping in taking all your good ideas. You’ve poured your heart and soul into these details and she’s going to bask in the glow of it all without having to do much work. 

It’s ok to feel bad about it and vent, but ultimately there’s not much you can do. Her going to your hotel before you isn’t going to change YOUR experience with YOUR husband on YOUR honeymoon. Just so you don’t wind up thinking “BM went to this restaurant just two weeks ago” I would try to cut out her talking too much about her honeymoon before yours. When she comes back from hers I would maybe tell her “I’m SOOO stressed over the details of the wedding in two weeks! I can’t wait to get back from my honeymoon and have time to catch up and share experiences! I just can’t even think for one second about the trip until after the wedding, though.”

Post # 6
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ashley_P:  +1

I wonder if she realizes she’s doing it?

I would start feeding her bogus info ion self-defense.

Post # 7
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would ask her questions like what made her choose her honeymoon location and what makes it special to her.  Put HER in an awkward position.  Or tell her you are not sure that you want to go to that location anymore and you are are pretty sure you are going to book an even better place, see what she does, haha.  I hate a copycat, imitation is the best form of flattery but this is pushing it.  Liking the same bridesmaid dress is one thing, but the same honeymoon spot??  Sounds like the movie “Single White Female.”  She isnt getting the same exact hairstyle is she??  lol 

Post # 8
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

yeah never share too much.  EVER.  She’s probably in a panic about her timeframe you have so many good ideas already planned and thought out … so she hijacked your wedding.

let’s not forget that you’re WORKING FOR HER WEDDING … what’s she doing about yours?  

I would shut my mouth about anything and smile and nod …. and go planning my wedding with out her involved.    SHE only needs to know the dress … shoes … hotel …… not favors/honeymoon/ anything else i’ve forgotten.

I am continuously surprised at women’s behavior with other women .. especially their “friends” …

Post # 9
12 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

Aw man, this would be annoying :[

I think I like geekspice’s idea. If I were having a light blue cake with dark blue flowers I’d probably say I was planning on having a white cake with pink flowers or something.  Then it could at least be like “Ohhh yeah I forgot to say, I ended up changing my mind because the baker had a picture of a cake like that and I really loved it!”  Same with centerpieces or any other decorative pieces…



Post # 10
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BrideAliBean:  I just would not give her any more details about your wedding especially the theme of your reception, favors, etc. I really hope she didn’t copy your wedding dress too! This type of behavior would annoy me especially if that person was helping me plan my own wedding. I personally think it is kind of rude and that she is trying to outdo you somehow and make her wedding look better than yours. I hope that the two you don’t have too many of the same guests coming to both of your weddings. I can understand having less time to plan a wedding but it was by her choosing and that still doesn’t excuse her hijacking your ideas and making them her own. I personally would question whether or not I would still want to be her friend after the both of you are married. I would agree the same honeymoon spot is way over the top with the copying. Why on earth would she want to go to the same spot as you and your FI? Like I said I think she is probably trying to outdo you since your wedding is after hers. I don’t consider her behavior very friendly and she shouldn’t be copying your ideas if she was being a good friend. 

Post # 11
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@geekspice:  This – I would do this for pure badness :-p  this is a bit creepy.  I would hope she doesn’t realise she’s doing it!

Post # 12
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

it’s definitely annoying what she’s doing but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I think it’s a bit over the top for you to not want her to honeymoon in the same spot as you you – I mean you don’t have a monopoly on it, tons of people honeymoon there every day.  Not a big deal. I just don’t think you should let these stupid little things stress you out and bring negativity into your life and planning process. There’s enough you’ll have to worry about as you get closer to the big day, this is just a small piece. Nothing she does is going to take anything away from the experience of your wedding or honyemoon.  Her ideas/wedding/honeymoon location have no bearing on yours (unless you allow it to by being upset by it).

You can definitely refrain from sharing details – or say I’m not sure yet, or tell her the opposite of what you’re doing, then later it’ll just look like you changed your mind.  

Post # 13
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I would straight up stop helping her, I mean there is a fine line between looking at a few pics to just let her know what you think but when she is copying your wedding, not just getting advice, that’s annoying. You don’t have to help her, she doesn’t need to know certain details of your wedding so stop telling her. If she presses you for information on your favors, food, honeymoon etc just say you are still working things out, don’t give her anything. If she presses you just say again you aren’t sure what you are going with. Make her plan her own wedding, she’s the one that decided to plan in such a short period of time, not you. Also with the honeymoon if she asks you questions just say oh well you can google the name of the city X and look there. You aren’t her travel agent so don’t give her details. She just sounds like a lazy bride who is copying your wedding and ideas/hard work and having hers before yours, if you don’t stop giving her info now it will look like you copied her since she’s getting married first.

Post # 14
41 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

@BrideAliBean:  wow, this irritates me to the point where i almost feel aggravated for you! haha

i think its best if you start tapering off the extent to which you divulge your wedding details with her; she doesnt have to know every single plan. you are sharing these with her on your own accord, and you’ve continued doing so even after you’ve seen the results – her copying.

maybe start divulging details that you like but that you aren’t really going with and see if that works. that way, you’re suggesting ideas (which it seems she likes your judgement, so thats flattering,) but without them being your own for your actual day. she may just admire your taste, therefore “copying” your style, and/or she may not feel that creative coming up with her own or even trust her own judgement.

so yeah its annoying, but nothing really worth ending a frienship over…yet, haha. jk


Post # 15
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would be really annoyed if this happened to me, too.

Just remember… imitation is flattery.  She obviously things that you have good taste!  Dont worry – your wedding will be beautifu and uniquely yours in other waysl!!!

Post # 16
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I almost feel bad for this girl. Can you imagine being such an unoriginal person that you can’t come up with any unique ideas for yourself?!  You should pat yourself on the back that you AREN’T that way, and remember that it only makes her look bad, not you.  PS. Would you talk to her about this? 

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