(Closed) Copycat Bridesmaid… Mostly ranty and long, but would love some perspective

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2886 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@BrideAliBean:  Why do you care that they will be honeymooning the same place? It won’t be at the same time…. We suggested our resort to everyone because we loved it so much we wanted others to experience it…

Post # 18
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

While I do understand why this would be annoying to you; she may be one of those girls who doesn’t have much of an imagination, or is scared to develop her own ideas  and therefore, takes ideas from things she can tangibly see, or ideas who she knows others are doing vs. thinking of things on her own. 

I have two friends with TERRIBLE imaginations and when we have done parties or costumes, they can’t picture anything. They basically want me to do it first and they will copy me (personally, I am flattered.) But it’s just that they are scared that if they do it on their own people won’t like it. Maybe your friend is like that? 

And if she is, then don’t share anymore ideas because if she thinks you have great taste, she will want to use them too b/c she can’t think of her own, or fears that her taste isn’t good enough. 

Post # 19
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Yikes! I would be extremely annoyed. Like PPs have noted, she probably lacks imagination. And like PPs have already suggested, I would not be into sharing all the details, try being vague – oh we might go with this or that… Try to have a fantastic wedding despite the annoyance of your copycat Bridesmaid or Best Man

Post # 20
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@BrideAliBean:  Can you say to her “hey friend, youre using the bridesmaid dress, the flower idea, crest idea and that’s okay but after all my planning do you mind if I keep the honeymoon spot for us?” “It would mean a lot to me to feel like I have a unique wedding experience.”

 

 

 

Post # 21
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What she’s doing is totally annoying and lame, I agree, BUT my advice is to vent all you need to here and just let it be in real life.

You won’t actually be honeymooning at the same time, right? So it doesn’t really matter if they go to the same spot as you or not? Again, I totally understand that this is annoying on some level, but in practical terms — does it reeeaaally matter? 

 

Post # 22
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i would be so annoyed! but there’s not much you can do without her thinking youre a Bridezilla (sorry).

Dont share any more details and dont answer her questions.

I hope everything gets better. 🙂

Post # 23
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee

Ughhh!! This would make me soooooooooo mad!!!!! This is the reason why I dont like to divulge to much details about my wedding to others…even my friends. I hate copycats..It’s one of my most biggest pet peeves

Post # 24
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think part of it is she trusts your decisions and she is a bit terrified of the whole process. It’s easy to copy someone else’s hard work and pass it off as your own.

It doesn’t make it right – but maybe (since you guys are pretty close) you can sit down with her for brunch or coffee or something to discuss how you enjoyed the creative parts of planning and would like your wedding to maintain a tiny bit of individuality.

Post # 25
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Stop sharing some of your details. I agree with other posters that I think she’s either lacks imagination or she’s just lazy.

Post # 26
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Oh my goodness. I nearly posted a very similar rant last night titled “Single White Female.” In my head I was like, “can these kinds of people actually exist?” Your post tells me ‘yes-they most certainly do.’ You are being so freakin nice and I feel absolutely crazy for you! My copycat bridesmaid story places me at the beginning of yours. I’m just starting to plan and am hyper aware that I’ve got a doppelgänger in the midst of my bridal party. How on earth did you keep composure throughout this? You must be a saint. I truthfully have no advice at this time since I’m at a loss myself about what to do about my own sitch. All I can say is this: I empathize with you 200%. It’s not even the copying- it’s the time frame right? If she copied you after your wedding then it would be less stressful; knowing that she literally stole all your thought-out ideas and will be presenting them proudly as her own…I hate this for you. I agree with some of the other bees that maybe you should lie about every detail going forward…if your friend is like mine then she will be so clueless and hostile if you try to point out what she’s doing.

 

On a happier, less panick-stricken note: congratulations on your marriage and remember this: you have a special meaning for the place you’re spending your honey moon. The love you and your fiancé have for each other cannot be copied. Concentrate On that. <3

Post # 27
Member
3954 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Stop telling her things!! All she needs to do is show up at your wedding in the dress. When she asks for details, say you aren’t sure yet and/or change the subject. 

Post # 28
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery- as annoying as that might be- so take it as a compliment on your good style and interesting wedding choices. 

Personally, I would just be very vague and stop talking details with her. I know that it is hard, but it’s the only way. She may no even realize she is doing it and she might be lost in the process and finding it easier to scoop your ideas than have any original ones of her own. I doubt it is malcious.

Post # 29
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you should just talk to her. Maybe she doesn’t even realize it bothers you. The dresses and STDs wouldn’t bother me so much, because they are pretty typical. Altogether though, it would definitely upset me because I wouldn’t want mutual guests to feel like my wedding was a repeat of hers.  Of course you want your wedding to be a special and unique experience for you and your guests. If they attend both weddings, that won’t be the case. Just tell her that… As for the honeymoon, it’s kind of similar. I would want to come back and be so excited to share all the details, but if she had already gone and told everyone about it, then nothing would be new and exciting.

If you become standoffish or deceitful, that could strain an obviously important friendship. Tell her that you feel like your plans and details are becoming very similar and you want your weddings to each be unique. Maybe you can come up with ways to tweak things to make them a little different.

Hope this helps! Best of luck!

Post # 30
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It seems to me you are most ticked about your honeymoon. I can totally undertand that. My DH and I chose our honeymoon spot because neither of us had been as adults, it was semi-adventurous and it was a loooong drive (road trip!)

Well, come to find out one of his friends and his Destination Wedding had been there on vacation. At first I was kinda peeved thinking they had taken something special from us (I have no idea why…I just felt this way which is completely ridiculous). Then they were talking to my DH and told him great restaurants in the area, some local things that are not well known for tourists, parking gems etc. After the honeymoon, I was greatful to have their insider tips. Without them, we would have paid a TON for parking, missed a beautiful 11.99 buffet dinner with a view overlooking Niagara Falls, and we probably would have wasted a whole day going to crappy tourist traps and venturing to the American side (which they said was not at all worth it if you can go to Canada).

After their honeymoon, ask her for any tips but tell her you don’t want any spoilers! Like “The food at Joe’s Shack was horrible, don’t go there” not “wait till you see x y and z at such and such a place”. Tips are great but surprises are better!

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