Post # 1
Help me out here bees… my sister is fully copying my wedding and I don’t know what to do! I got married last year. My sister got engaged this year and had limited time to plan her wedding – so she booked the same venue/menu, same photographer, and same hair/makeup artist. She wants to use some of the decorations I purchased (and wants me to re-sell them after), and now she wants to take her first look photos at the same park. Her style is even similar – lace wedding dress, long pink-tone bridesmaid dresses (hers are “dusty rose” and mine were peach), dark blue groomsmen suits. I guess her flowers will be different (?) and half of the guest list will be different. Other than that most things will be the same.
Honestly I am trying to be supportive, but I have a terrible poker face and I know she is aware that all of this bothers me! However she doesn’t really seem to care. She has my whole family saying things like “you should help your sister” and “you should be flattered” and “you did it first, what’s the big deal?”
I think the worst part is knowing that I put so much time and effort into planning my special day, and she is taking all the best parts of my wedding for herself. I worry that guests will compare the two weddings. I don’t want her to steal my thunder, and I don’t want her to have the same/similar wedding photos hanging in her house. My husband doesn’t really understand – he says I shouldn’t be so possessive of our wedding. What do you think? I really need some advice and support.
Post # 2
Honestly, I’m not sure why you are so upset about this. Her having similar things about her wedding will not take away from the special day you had. Half the guest list will be different and for some of those same guests, I HIGHLY doubt they will be comparing anything and even if they are, who cares? You put the effort in and had a wonderful day. One day. Now, be supportive of your sister and let her have her special day.
Post # 3
augustbride123 : Emulation is the strongest form of flattery. Let it go. Be grateful that your sister idolizes you so much that she is using your wedding to emulate her own. If she’s being silly everyone will know she is being silly. And ask your husband says, you did it first so it’s not a big deal. Let this go or it will eat you up inside!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
I can see why you might give her a side glance, but really, people will remember you did these things first so it doesn’t take anything away from your day. Booking vendors can be so stressful, when you find one that does a great job, you’ll want to book them too. I’m using the same caterer as my brother, and even having the same main course, mind you it’s been six years since his wedding. But nobody has even batted an eye. Infact, our family is excited to have them again because the food was so amazing.
Post # 5
Your husband sounds very wise. Listen to him. It takes nothing away from your wedding memories or your marriage even if she follows your previous plans down to the letter.
Post # 6
I am not the bigger person like previous posters. If it were my sister doing that, I’d tell her how I felt about it because it’d be getting on my last nerve as only sisters can. Venue and photographer sure, whatever… she knows they are a good choice. Almost the same outfits? Gag pink is trendy now but can’t they wear gray suits or something? Aren’t there any other pretty locations for photos?
still though, if the food, flowers, cake and music are different, your wedding will still look somewhat unique (as much as a wedding can). And if people do think she’s a competitive copycat it’s only her that will look weird for it, not you.
So yes, I proudly announce that I’d be annoyed too, but do your best to let it go anyway because she’s already made it clear she’s not changing her mind. Definitely don’t keep discussing it with family or you will be the one who seems petty.
Post # 7
augustbride123 : I don’t think its that big of a deal. You’ve already had your wedding its over and now she is planning hers. She may just want to make the process easier on herself by using the same vendors that you used because she knows they did a great job with your wedding. It’s not taking way from your wedding day in any way. I’m sure there will be some differences between your wedding and hers.
Post # 8
augustbride123 : I come from a family of four siblings. Three if us were girls. We all got married withing four years of each other so we used the majority of the same vendors because we trusted them . We used the same photographer, caterer, church as it is our family parish, florist, dj company, church music provider, car company, hairdresser, cake company, decorations company. We used different reception venues but all our weddings were similar in the fact that we all are fairly classical by what we like but still had a different feel because we are all different people and different couples. We all had white embossed invites, classical music played by a 3 piece group at the church, Italian food and music at the reception because we are Italian and we all had red rose bouquets and white classical wedding dresses. All the other details were different but again very classic.
I get her using your vendors because she trusts them to deliver. The only thing I’d advise her to do is have a different menu but I’m sure by way of flowers and the rest of the decorations, it will feel different to your wedding. As for your concerns over wedding colours, I’ve been to seven weddings in the last 12 months. Of those seven, three had a bridesmaids in some form of pink/peach/deep pink champagne and groomsmen in blue suits. Actually most of those weddings had Navy/blue suited groomsmen.
At the end of the day if her wedding ends up being a complete copy cat of yours, it reflects on her and not you. TBH most people are not that detailed focus and will not likely even notice or remember that her wedding was the same or similar to yours or link that your photographer/menu/colours/decorations are the same.
Post # 9
Really, there’s nothing to do. She can copy your wedding all she likes – you don’t own copyright over it. I would do anything you can to move past these feelings and support your sister on her big day. This doesn’t take anything away from your wedding day.
The one thing I wouldn’t allow is letting her reuse your decorations and then having YOU resell them. If she wants to use them, she can buy them from you and resell them herself. I would be firm about this as to not be taken advantage of.
Thats my advice. Best of luck!
Post # 10
I think she was just satisfied with your vendors and choose to book someone she already knows. She might like those colors, or maybe her Fiance or the groomsmen have a preference for dark blue.
Why does it bother you? She’s not spoiling your wedding. If she wants to have a wedding very similar to yours, you can’t stop her, but you <i>can</i> stop worrying about it 🙂
Post # 11
You had your wedding already so this thunder you’re afraid your sister will steal is long gone.
Post # 12
She can’t steal your thunder…your thunder is gone. It left the day after your wedding. Do you honestly think anyone who is not you and your husband remember and/or care where your first look photos were or what decorations you had or what your theme was or who wore what dresses? Spoiler alert: the answer is no. No one else actually cares. Everyone else moved on from your wedding the day after it happened. They reminisced for about 24 hours about what a good time they had (hopefully) and then they just stopped giving a damn. Also a spoiler alert: weddings aren’t that unique. They all pretty much consist of the same elements and now in the social media age people are basically copying each other right and left. Tell me more about how you are the only person who thought of using lace in a wedding. I promise you, you aren’t that unique – but that doesn’t mean your day wasn’t special to you – you got married to the person you love and no one else also getting married there or using lace can change that. The lace and the park didn’t make your day special, pledging your life to the person you love did.
So the only person ruining this for you is yourself and your attitude. I recommend you check it and be happy for your sister. Nothing that happens now changes what your wedding was then, unless you let it.
Post # 13
augustbride123 : I stopped feeling bad for you as soon as you said “I got married last year.” It’s not like she’s stealing the wedding out from underneath you before you got there. You’re married already, you had your wedding, get over it. And to be honest? It’s not like it was even super unique – you had a lace dress, blush BMs, etc – that’s all super popular right now (I had all those things, too). And I used my sister’s photographer and videographer and she even gave me some decorations! It was great to hire vendors we had already worked with and knew well. You’re being super petty for no reason.
Post # 14
Was your the wedding of your dreams? You get to live it again if only in little ways. Enjoy the fact that your sister obviously thought your wedding was perfect and she wants that too. Either that or sell the centerpieces really quick so she can’t use them. What would you rather be remembered for?
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
You just need to get over it because you can’t tell her what she can and can’t do for her wedding. You don’t have to let her use any of your decorations if you don’t want to, but you literally have no control over the choices that she makes regarding her menu, photographer, etc. You can choose to be mad, or you can choose to not be mad.
Also, how do you have ever lasting thunder? Cause I feel like this would be an issue for you even if she got married 5 years after you. As PP said, your guests aren’t going to remember half of the things you even mention. They enjoyed your lovely wedding day and then got on with their lives. You should do the same.