Copycat Wedding

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

augustbride123 :  I wouldn’t let this bother you.  Honestly, the only person you are really hurting is yourself.  My aunt did the same thing to my mother.  The day after my moms wedding, my aunt announced her engagement and then booked the exact same venue.  She booked the same photographer, caterer, everything. The dresses where different, but that is because my aunt isn’t a fan of pink.  Honestly, dusty rose is as different from peach as you can get in the pink family, and you don’t get to own all of pink.  The amount of navy blue bridesmaids dresses that are hanging in my closet prove no one gets to own a color (though it is why I didn’t pick navy).

People won’t be comparing the two, and I doubt 50% of the guest list will be the same.  Did you guys go to the same college and have all the exact same friends growing up? Probably not.  Do you guys have the exact same friend group now and coworkers? Probably not.  Chances are it will be more like 30.  Also, people tend to forget what the centerpieces look like right after dinner.  Weddings are expensive, she’s just trying to save money.  

So be happy for your sister.  It’s obviously not bothering her, so don’t let it bother you!  It only has as much power over you as you let it. 

Post # 17
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, the details sound like every other wedding so I don’t see why you think that stuff is “yours”. You said she had limited time to plan her wedding so it’s obvious she remembered your wedding fondly and liked the vendors you used so she’s using the same. There’s going to be over a year between both weddings, even if they are the exact same, why does it matter? I think as long as people have a good time, that’s all they care about. I can’t imagine someone walking into her wedding and saying “omg this is the same menu and decor as her sisters wedding. how awful”.

Post # 18
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I hate to break it to you, but having peach bridesmaids dresses and navy suits is not unique. Probably 100 other brides did that the same day you did. And having the same photographer, venue and makeup artists? Come on! No one cares about this but you.

Let her have her day like you had yours.

Post # 19
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I can see why you would be annoyed. I would  be too. I could see if she was borrowing one or two things but everything exactly the same is too much. That said, I think you shouldn’t offer her any more exact info about your vendors and let her figure it out on your own but I wouldn’t bring up her copying things she’s already chosen, it will only dampen things. The most you should say is “your wedding should be unique and individual, try something different from what I did” and leave it at that. 

Post # 20
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

Wow, really bee? I’m sorry but this is your sister. Sorry to break it to you but there are probably a hundred other wedding similar to yours. You got married a year ago, the thunder is over and gone. Help your sister and be a mature adult. 

Post # 21
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Weddings are always somewhat similar, especially if they are at all traditional. Why does it matter? For the decorations, I would charge her a lower price, and then she can resell them after. It’s not your responsibility to fund or supply for her wedding in any way. Other than that, why do you even care?!

Post # 22
Member
6177 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your wedding day passed so she isn’t stealing your thunder. I’d be annoyed at someone so blatantly copying me, too, but her reusing vendors isn’t actually that big a deal. Give her their information (if you were satisfied with them) so they can get some business and let it go.

DO NOT give her your decorations. She’s on some bullshit with that one. If she wants to use anything (and you’re willing) then you can sell them to her just as you would have done to any other bride. Since you didn’t sell them already, that will be some money in your pocket.

Don’t help her plan her wedding if you’re feeling resentful of her. That isn’t good juju. But you also need to figure out a way to let it go because if you continue to harp on it, you just make yourself look bad.

Also- who cares who says you should help her plan her wedding? Did she help you plan yours? If these people think your sister needs help planning then THEY can help her.

Post # 23
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

TBH, it reflects poorly on her if your guest lists overlap because everyone will know she’s a copycat. BUT, you can’t dictate what she does on her day anymore than she could have requested you to change things on your day. It’s not illegal to copy other people’s events, and it’s certainly not going to kill anyone to see another blush bridesmaid dress or navy groomsman suit.

I am fully expecting my Future Sister-In-Law to copy a bunch from my wedding because she and my Mother-In-Law are horrible copycats. Her wedding is supposed to be in December (has been rescheduled twice now so that’s not likely). We’re trying really hard not to discuss decorations (or anything) from our wedding because it ALWAYS leads to a snobby conversation of “well I’m going to do XYZ one-upper thing at MY wedding and your thing you were proud of is actually trash”

You can’t change people, you already had your day, and it will reflect WAY better on you if you are quiet and dignified about the non-offense of copying.

Post # 24
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I hated wedding planning. Sorting through seemingly endless vendors to pick ones that we liked and were in our budget was absolutely not my idea of a good time. But I am very, VERY happy with how everything turned out, and if it meant saving my sisters or friends the headache that is wedding planning, I’d be flattered if they chose any/all of my vendors and would love to help them out.

Editing to add: my sisters and I have a very close relationship, so that’s probably a big reason why I feel that way. I re-read my comment and it sounded kind of condescending, and I didn’t mean it that way. I guess what I meant was: you put in the ground work, she obviously loved how your wedding turned out, she’s dealing with a short timeline…from an outsider’s viewpoint, it seems like she’s doing this from a place of needing to make quick decisions and trusting/liking the choices you’ve already made, and not from a place of trying to one-up or overshadow you. I’d try to take that as a compliment.

Post # 25
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You are all up in your ego bee and sweating insignificant stuff.  Did you have the day of your dreams?  Did you marry your best friend?  Did you enjoy your day?  Most people won’t remember much about your wedding except maybe a few things and they’ll do the same with your sister’s wedding.  It just really isn’t that important.  Rearrange your priorities….see the bigger picture here.  Hopefully you can see that weddings are about love, sharing the happiness and being in the moment of your sister having a life chaning event, not whether you had the same table decor.  This is your sister getting married…you know that little girl you grew up with that you hopefully love?  Maybe she thought what you did was so cool, that she wanted to do it that way too!  

If it bother’s you so much why don’t you open your mouth and discuss it with her?  It might be an eye opener.

Post # 26
Member
1507 posts
Bumble bee

You had your wedding.  Now it’s her turn.

Grow up and get over yourself.

Post # 27
Member
930 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Your sister’s wedding is not about you. Your thunder is long gone. You picked wedding vendors who did a good job… wouldn’t you like them to make more money/ have your sister enjoy a stress-free vendor search?

(Also echoing pp- from what you’ve said, your wedding sounds pretty par for the course 2017 Pinterest: blush bm, navy groomsmen, lace dress, park details, etc.  Perfectly lovely but also not exactly fingerprint-unique.  Your sister probably has similar tastes.  It isn’t unusual for friends in the same part of the country to pick similar wedding trends.)

 

Post # 28
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

I guarantee you that no one remembers the details of your wedding as well as you do, if they remember at all. Just be glad she’s not your identical twin. 

Post # 29
Member
2485 posts
Buzzing bee

What a dear, generous, open hearted sister you can be or, alternatively, you can refuse to share at all, or share with a sense of somehow being wronged by her request.

Think for a minute. What kind of sister do you want to have, and what kind of sister do you want to be?

Post # 30
Member
672 posts
Busy bee

I can barely remember details of a wedding within a week of attending it.  If yours was a year ago, I doubt that people are going to pick up on anything really.  Using the same vendors is a no-brainer, especially if you chose the “best” in your area.

Unless you copyrighted your entire event, then she can choose the same/similar things.   People mostly remember the food and the atmosphere of the event, and I’m sure she can’t copy that from your wedding (meaning the atmosphere).

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