Copycat Wedding

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Keep cringing on the inside and be sweet to her. You can draw the line if she wants to dance with your father or walk down the aisle to the same song, or asks to borrow your vows for “inspiration”. Frankly, I’d be way happier if I could have firsthand experiences with any of the vendors I’m booking!! 

Post # 32
Member
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think some of the bees are being overly harsh, but my advice boils down to the same: just rise above. And do not give her your decorations. She can buy them from you and then sell them herself after the wedding.

I don’t think my sister would copy my wedding but she has copied things from my wardrobe. She even stole a tattoo idea I had (which, whatever, I didn’t end up getting the tat anyway) and then denying that it was my idea in the first place. It’s annoying but just tell yourself that’s the curse of being so stylish/put-together/etc. and if it helps, in your head you can feel bad for her that she can’t come up with her own ideas. But it’s also possible you two just have similar taste. Don’t let it bother you, but if it does, you don’t have to go overboard in helping her out with stuff from your wedding.

Post # 33
Member
786 posts
Busy bee

You know, people often tend to pick the popular colors and the popular styles. Lots of brides are wearing lace dresses now. If she thought your photographer was good, it’s totally reasonable she picked the same one.

As for the venue and the park, how much of a option is there where you live, are the places you picked the popular locations that many people use? In some towns people tend to use the same places repeatedly.  It’s ok to be be not thilled that her wedding isn’t going to be totally opposite of yours, but truth is you can’t make her change her plans. I don’t think she’s going to take anything away from you. As for the decorations, if she wants to borrow the decorations that are yours, tell the truth and tell her you don’t want to hand them over. Or you could just donate them before she gets her hands on them if you really feel that strongly about it.

Both your weddings are going to be special in their own way.

 

Post # 34
Member
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

As someone who tends to get overwhelmed with a lot of options, I would be super stoked if someone who’s taste I liked had already done the legwork and ended up with a bunch of quality vendors. I’d probably engage them all as well, never thinking I was being a “copycat”- more just saving time not recreating the wheel.

Post # 35
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

augustbride123 :  I think it is very natural for for a sister to choose many similar vendors, or potentially different vendors based on the first sister’s experience. Who wouldn’t want a well vetted vendor?

Your wedding day was your wedding day, and hers will be hers. I think you are overthinking this. To flip the script, what would you be saying if someone said “My sister is getting married at the venue I have always wanted to get married at, but she is getting married first”? Would you tell them to give up on their dream venue? Or would you tell them not to worry, their wedding will be just as special? I would guess the second!

Post # 36
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I know how you feel, but this is one of those things where you need to just let it go. It sounds like your wedding was pretty cookie cutter as far as weddings go, and you used many popular ideas.

No offense intended, but it’s not as though you picked electric pink bridesmaid dresses and polka dot groomsman suits or even a nontraditional dress. Lace, navy and dusty rose are pretty weak when it comes to being original from the masses…

You even said it yourself, she has limited time to plan her wedding. So she did what someone smart would do, pick vendors she has seen firsthand have good results. If roles were reversed, would you pick randomly hoping the food would be good or would you pick a vendor you already knew provided excellent food? Same with the photog. She saw how your photos turned out and liked them. 

Nobody is going to compare your weddings. Honestly I doubt anyone will notice the similarities unless held side by side. Nobody is going to remember or even care if you have the same centerpieces as her. I have never remembered a centerpiece from any event I have gone to unless it was edible. 

A family member of mine works for a company that rents things for weddings like draping, centerpieces and chairs and because of this and the fact that there are only a few companies like that in my city, tons of weddings will have the exact same color schemes or even combination of items. 

And nobody cares. Nobody thinks about it and nobody is going to remember. Your photos are going to look different, who cares if it’s the same park? 

Talk to your sister and tell her you feel like you worked really hard on your wedding and she’s riding your coattails because you already did all of this work and she wants the neat n easy package deal. 

As an older sister myself, I know that a lot of time siblings do get to cut corners because we blazed the trail and put in the work.

Maybe she just thought your wedding was perfect and had the same vision. You’re assuming there is malicious intent. Why change what worked well?

Post # 37
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

i went to a wedding last weekend where there were definitely some elements the bride had clearly “copied” from ours.  I was super flattered.

I dunno what advice to give other than–you can’t stop it, aside from your decorations.  Put your foot down where you need to and for the rest.. just go with it.

You could always charge her to rent your decor, as an aisde. 😛

Post # 38
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

‘Stealing your thunder?”..; What thunder? Girl, that ship has sailed. Let your sister be haply and support her the best way you can. Don’t be petty/jealous.

Post # 39
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a bridesmaid do this. Literally our pictures are so similar its almost funny. Honestly I was annoyed at first, then I tried to look at the situation from her perspective. She REALLY LOVED my wedding. It was so similar to her taste. In fact, she kept making comments on how beautiful my wedding was. I loved my wedding, and I didn’t want her to change what she wanted due to myself wanting to keep it just for me. Our weddings were so different when it came down to the day, because it was an entirely different wedding party. Now that a few years has past, I don’t even think about it. Like it never crosses my mind. I didnt’ walk into her wedding paying attention to the details, I was just enjoying the moment of celebrating with her (and it was a bonus that it looked just as pretty as mine!). I would just let it go. I promise it will not matter at all when you look back on this situation. Just be supportive and let this be about her 🙂 

Post # 40
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Don’t worry about it. She’s making herself seem really silly – not you. Compliments to you as she obviously thought that you did a good job. 

Post # 41
Member
1134 posts
Bumble bee

I understand that when you feel somebody is copying you, having people say “you should feel flattered” is not helpful. Depending on your relationship with your sister, this could be the final straw in a long line of straws; like if she dated your ex boyfriend, wore a similiar prom dress, stole your clothes and make-up, et cet. We don’t know your relationship, so I empathize that a situation like this can certainly be annoying.

You have control over two things here:

  1. Your attitude
  2. Your decorations

And that’s it.

 

From the things your family has said to you, you are complaining to your family about your sister’s plans. You need to knock that off, immediately. It’s jealous, it’s petty, and mean-spirited. It’s making you look like a colossal bitch, and making your sister look like a victim.

Doesn’t that stick in your craw a bit? She’s copying you, and everybody thinks she’s the victim? Rise above!

Your complaining is not going to change her plans at all. What you are doing with this complaining is like… shouting into a well. It accomplishes nothing.

You have no thunder to steal. Your thunder evapporated into the clouds the morning after your wedding, as is right and normal.

 

WHAT GUESTS SAY:

Guests will not compare the two weddings because (sorry for being harsh), literally nobody cares. NOBODY. The day after, the week after the wedding, maybe your mom and your grandma still cared. But it’s a year later and nobody is having coffee with friends, saying “Remember augustbride123’s floral arrangements? They were to die for! And those pink tone dresses, SWOON!”

That’s just not how life works.

The only people who keep obsessing over little wedding details are the bridal couple. And that’s ok, that’s normal! But don’t kid yourself that her guests are going to be on their cellphones pulling up your Facebook wedding album and saying “Look Florence, I’ve seen this centrepiece before!” 

 

FIRST-LOOK PHOTOS:

So what if she takes her first-look photos at the same park?

How does it take away from your own photos?

Nobody is going to look at her photos and say “Hmmmm. She did this better than augustbride123.”

First-look photos are not a unique concept. Many of the couples do very similiar things and make similiar faces. Nervous smile. Tears. Awed smile. Hug. Kiss. Nothing unique about it.

 

DECORATIONS:

You don’t have to sell or give those decorations to her. You can refuse and throw them out. If you do that, she’s probably going to run right out and buy the exact same thing anyway, so you don’t “win”.

Or you can sell them to her, at fair market rate, same price you’d ask of any online buyer. Then use the money to do something nice for yourself.

Or, you could be the bigger person and gift the decorations to her. 

Unless these used decorations are worth a lot of money, like over $500 or something, I think you’re being extremely petty.

 

If you plan on having children, don’t discuss baby name ideas with her. If she does name her children the same names you chose, there’s nothing you can do about that either. Lots of families have three or four John’s or Mary’s and it’s nothing to get upset about either.

Post # 42
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Honestly, I think because you did it first, everyone will be able to see the similarities for themselves, and it won’t reflect poorly on you at all. I would just enjoy being able to go to a recreation of my wedding and feel the romance of it again. 

The only thing I would do if I were you is not give her your decorations if you don’t want you. You are more than entitled to keep them for yourself as a memento, or to resell to someone for their wedding. If she buys the same thing for herself, good on her, but at least your physical tokens of your wedding will be safe.

Don’t be bullied to contribute things you don’t want to, otherwise enjoy the ride. 

Post # 43
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee

Did your guests gasp in delight and wonder about how original and creative your wedding was? If not, any claim of “copying” has no merit.

Post # 44
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

augustbride123  Let me see, so you had a wedding (not original) in a wedding dress (not original), bridemaids in blush/peach dresses (not original) groom/groomsmen in navy (not original), had a venue that caters to weddings (not original), menu that others have used (not original) and a first look at at park (again not original). See you copied ever other wedding out there so no she is not copying your wedding when you already copied every other wedding out there.  

Post # 45
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

No one is going to look at the pictures in her house and then run to your house to compare. In fact, people probably wouldn’t notice just from portraits, because they’re done in different spots according to what lighting is available. Also, lace wedding dresses and pink bridesmaid dresses are also not super unique concepts (this is coming from someone who has long blush bridesmaid dresses lol it’s a pretty color but not exactly groundbreaking). Plus, most of us copy wedding ideas from each other and from pinterest…I wouldn’t sweat it. Annoying, maybe…but she’ll be the one judged (if anyone cares enough to judge at all), not you.

 

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