(Closed) “Correct” way to word our invites based on who is paying?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I’d go with the first.  Not only is it the “traditional” wording but it seems that your parents are paying for an extremely significant part of the event which seems down-played by the second option.

The second option seems more appropriate if you and your Fiance were paying for most of the event with smaller contributions from each family (which doesn’t seem to be the case here).

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would also go with the first one, but it might be nice if you asked FFIL’s opinion, he may not care or he may be highly offended that he’s contributing but not getting any recognition, or he may not even want to be included at all (ie. may not want it to seem like Future Mother-In-Law is helping either)

Post # 5
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Your FI’s father’s contribution is far from trivial, so it would be appropriate to include him on the invitation as a host. Therefore, I’d nix your mom’s suggested wording, as it snubs Future Father-In-Law. Your wording is good because it honors the contribution that your parents and your Future Father-In-Law are making, without calling out the absence of help from your Future Mother-In-Law. It’s also appropriate to say “together with their parents” because you and your Fiance will be picking up part of the tab as well. My only suggestion might be to shift the mention of your parents up to top billing on the invitation – that emphasizes their role as hosts, and might make your mother feel more honored for their (major) contribution to the costs of the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I struggled with this problem so much as well.  Basically what it came down to is that my dad didn’t care if the invite wording seemed like FI’s parents contributed (even though they aren’t really arg!) and wanted to include their names at the top of the invitation with my parents.

If you want to make sure its clear that only your parents did the contributing but want to include his parents I would put:

Mr. Dad & Mrs. Mom
invite you to share
in a celebration of love
as their daughter
Bride

takes the hand of

Groom

son of Mr. Dad and Mrs. Mom (I’m not sure how to word her name if they are divorced)

in holy matrimony
on wedding date….

 

There are a bunch of wedding etiquette wording sites online, so you can always google to look for another verse/wording.

Post # 7
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

we used the following:

 

Together with their families

Sevo Girl

and 

Sevo Boy

request the pleasure of your company at their marriage ceremony

Post # 8
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

Words of wisdom from my boss: an invitation is not a receipt.  

Does anyone really need to know who paid for the wedding?  really?

 

I would go with the “together with their families” option.

Post # 9
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My dad is paying for the entire wedding and we both have divorced parents, so to make things easier we just added the “together with their families” part. I think it’s diplomatic. Everyone is going to know my dad paid, we don’t need to spell it out and rub it in everyone’s faces. It’s about joining two families anyway so wording it that way is a good start!

Post # 10
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It was understood that if my mom was contributing, then the invite would read like she was giving the party. Fair enough, and really, it’s not a big thing to hand over.

To handle the divorced parents part – try

Mr. John Smith & Mrs. Julie Winter
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter

Bride
to
Groom

son of
Mr. & Mrs. R. Leonard and Rheannon Plant
and
Mrs. Sarah Green & Mr. Robert Doe

on such and such a date etc. 

You could always use a format like to accommodate the divorced parents. 

 

Post # 11
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I’ve always preferred “together with their families,” but I think that’s because I have a big independent streak and I don’t like the idea of my parents names being the first thing on our wedding invitations!

Post # 12
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@red_pepper_gal: Haha we would have done something like that for divorced parents, but it would have ended up looking like my dad has two wives (He’s Mr. H, my step mom is Mrs. H, and my mom is Mrs. H!!)

Post # 13
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mrs.peters.to.be: My mom and stepmother both kept their maiden names, and FH’s parents have been married for 30 years, so it thankfully wasn’t an issue for us. We did have to have a reception card in our invite because after all those names, we couldn’t fit reception information on the invite!

Post # 14
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I wanted “together with our families” too, but both sets of parents are paying for most of the wedding, and I wanted to honor them in that.  So, we used this:

My Parents & FI’s Parents
Joyfully invite you to celebrate with them when

Piglet & Mr. Piglet

Join their lives in the covenant of marriage

 

It’s very traditional, but in the end, I really don’t care.  Ultimately, no one will remember what the invite said when they are sitting at your wedding

 

Post # 15
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I personally like the “together with their families” invite regardless of who pays. 

We did not use it because my FH’s parents are going through a messy divorce and I did not want to give his father any acknowledgement and FH’s mother did not want to be listed alone (oh, there is not enough therapy for this situation, y’all!).

Ours says

My Mom and Dad (no mr/mrs, just first and last names…less formal – it’s a day time event)

invite you to share in their job at the marriage of their daughter, me, to my FH (full name) with the date and locale.

Even though FH’s mom is not paying for anything (and I mean 99.9% of everything is my folks and us), I DID want to acknowledge her on the invite since like it was said – it’s not a receipt.  But she said no (as if no one knows there’s a divorce going on? oy vey)

 

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