Post # 1
I’m in a bind. I am going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man later in the year.
I understand you are expected to buy your dress and shoes and yadda yadda. My bride chose a very reasonable Bridesmaid or Best Man dress from DB for all of us. It only came to around $100. This was so very thoughtful, as I have had recent expenses come up and wanted so much to participate. So she said we were just going to do shoes in “X” color and call it good.
Apparently not? I got a text from her with a picture of some shoes that are over $100, so more than the dresses. She only asked me “How do you like these? =D I think these might work really really well.”
1. I don’t love the shoes. I don’t know if she wants me to be honest, polite honest or to tell her what she probably wants to hear.
2. Oh my gosh, the price! I’ve never spent that much on shoes, and I don’t know that I can swing it. It’s a semi-destination wedding about 4 hours away. Already I’m going to be spending money on at least a few days off work, driving, lodging, the dress, the shoes, and we haven’t talked about anything else like jewelry, hair or make-up.
I’m getting freaked. I want her to have the wedding she wants, andn ot to compromise anything because of me, but I don’t know that this is going to work.
I don’t want to say “If you choose these shoes I’m out.” but they kind of have me freaked. I’ve been trying to nose around to see if they’re priced better somewhere else, but to no avail.
Advice on how to handle this without committing to A. Dropping out or B. Buying the shoes??
Post # 3
she’s asking your opinion, so give it to her. she probably realizes the price is a lot and that’s why she’s feeling you out. i’d say they are fine, but you think you can do a lot better for the price, or something like that.
Post # 4
I would talk to her/email her whatever works best, saying you were really glad that she tried to keep the DB dresses on a budget, but unfortunately, the shoes are out of your budget, that you really aren’t in a position to spend more than X on shoes, that you look forward to future ideas! It’s the best I can think of 🙁
Post # 5
I also feel a bit blindsided because I had already said to her “That’s great! I have giftcards to plenty of places so it will be really fun to look.” And it was all dandy. She just keeps going different directions and it’s ahrd to follow. It was less than a week after she asked me to Bridesmaid or Best Man that we had to buy our dresses. 4 days or something? It was just a bit jolting.
She’s my friend and I want her to be catered to as the bride, but I feel like she’s talking to 5 different people about this and she just keeps changing her mind! With me she agrees on one thing, then comes back with another!
I love her, but the wedding isn’t until September! It’s stressing me out. Also, she knows in a couple months my financial situation will vastly improve (new job) so it’s hard to feel like she’s not considering everything.
You guys have good suggestions. I might say something like “I appreciate your effort to find an afforable dress. Currently the shoes,however, are out of my budget. I feel like if that is the pricepoint you’d like to go with, you could probably find something that goes better with the dresses. I think X detail doesn’t work as well as it could. Also, I need to curb my spending until April or so, since that’s when I’ll be at my new job.”
Post # 6
i wouldn’t give her the option of working with that price point. if you aren’t going to be able to afford that much on shoes, it doesn’t matter how nice they are, right? you don’t want to give her the impression that the budget she’s set is fine, but you just don’t like these particular shoes.
Post # 7
I would try to find something that looks similar to the ones she sent you but in a better price range- I’m sure you are not the only Bridesmaid or Best Man that feels that way- I think asking anyone to pay $100 for shoes is crazy… Try 6pm.com that’s where we got the shoes for the wedding I was in this past summer Good luck and seriously be honest with her about your financial situation and I’m sure she will be fine with it- no bride should want to burden her bridesmaids
Post # 8
@Mrs. Meowerson: Argh, VERY good point. I could maybe scrape it together later, but I still don’t think I would be happy. I just want to be no-stress and make her happy.
@Ms.Sugarsnap: I wouldn’t be surprised if at least her Maid/Matron of Honor was okie dokie with the price. Her dress selections/suggestions were over $300 and she’s from a well-off family. She also has no extra expenses because she doesn’t work, her family is in the area to stay with, and so on and so forth.
The other issue is my bride loves ‘nice’ things. Her wardrobe is a lot of full-price Ann Taylor stuff. I know that’s not like, super designer, but as a poor student I have never bought a dress above $20, shoes about $30 and so on. I get a lot of good sales. Basically, she’ll spend $80 on shoes and it’s no biggie. It follows that in her opinion spending a measy $20 for WEDDING shoes would be no big deal.
I just don’t know how to let her know she’s kind of on the ledge as to losing me as a Bridesmaid or Best Man if this keeps happening. I haven’t even talked about hair/make-up. I don’t know the deal with that. Any time I ask about these things she says “Umm, I don’t know yet what we’re doing.”
I’m concerned about getting too far in and more stuff popping up. I can’t afford to compromise my own life for one day and a whole bunch of stuff I won’t wear again. On the other hand, I love her and would be so honored to be in the wedding. Also, I’d probably spend all the same amounts on lodging and travel if I went as a guest.
I’m thinking of asking for a full breakdown of costs so I can really evaluate this. Is that weird?
ETA: Haha, my friend looked over my shoulder at the shoes and went “Ugh. Those shoes are stinky.”