(Closed) Cost of attending a wedding and gift amount

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: How do you determine gift amount for DW (for couple who previously attended your wedding)?
    Give what they gave you : (10 votes)
    12 %
    Give only what you can afford : (64 votes)
    74 %
    Take the amount they had given you and subtract some cost of attending their wedding? : (9 votes)
    10 %
    Other (Explain) : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @babycakes24:  DW couple need to understand that people are losing vacation days or pay from work, incurring travel expenses, and are quite frankly be inconvenienced into taking a vacation at a location they didn’t chose for an event that isn’t theirs. Yes, you need to take into account the total you are spending and yes, you only spend what you can afford. You are not expected to go into debt for anyone’s wedding and many Destination Wedding couples say that people’s presence is a gift (they know how expensive it is to attend). You don’t have to give what they gave you if you can’t afford it!

    Post # 4
    11422 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I think people should give what they want to give and can afford to give. 

    No one should feel compelled to give a gift that he or she cannot afford to give.  I don’t think anyone would expect that, and, if he or she does, that says far more about that person than it does about the person who is unable to give a gift (or a more expensive gift.)

    Post # 5
    794 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

    I think that I would try to ‘give what they gave’; however if I couldn’t afford that given all of the travel costs, then I would adjust accordingly. 

    Post # 6
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Give how much you can afford. I too usually go by ” give them how much they gave us”, but I don’t think it applies to destination weddings. 

    Post # 7
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee

    We recently had a wedding that was 8-9 hours away (NYC)…after travel costs, hotel for 4 days, suit (FI was in the wedding), attire for me, hair cost, food and subway/cab costs, and both of us taking 2 days off of work, vacation time for a Sunday wedding, we didn’t give that much for a monetary gift…and they were immediate family.  

    Post # 8
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    For any wedding, destination or not, I give what I can afford.  With destination that tends to be a bit less than a local wedding since after paying for travel I can’t afford a lot more.  I think with a Destination Wedding the couple has to expect that people have taken time from work and paid for travel, so they understand a smaller gift.

    Post # 9
    4926 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would give them the same as I would have given them otherwise, but unless we were incredibly close I would not likely travel to attend a Destination Wedding. I would give a gift anyway though.

    Post # 10
    3571 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I do what we can afford given our financial situation at the time. For example, a few years ago I was in a job where I was making a pretty decent income and so was Darling Husband. I managed to drop like 3k to fly halfway around the world to a Destination Wedding in Vegas, attend the events, and gave like $100. 

    Well, it’s a few years later and Darling Husband and I are working to launch our own company so we’re a lot more tight this year. One of my other besties is getting married and I’ve had to shell out like $100 for the shower gift, $100 for the bachelorette party, $200 in clothing for the parties, and am probably giving $100/150 for presents. Is it exactly equal for the other best friend? No. But I can tell you that I’m feeling this blow a lot more accutely. (i.e., that and DH’s BFF’s wedding the next weekend are bleeding me DRY!) 

    In a perfect world, I’d be able to just give everyone I love all the things and all the money. 

    ETA: I didn’t do a big wedding (DH and I got married alone and had a “No gifts” anniversary reception) so I can’t really use the “what they gave us” standard, even if I wanted to. But I do try to focus on *our* circumstances and what we can afford/feel comfortable with. 


    Post # 12
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I give my standard gift regardless of wedding location. 

    Post # 13
    1623 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    We give what we can afford and what we give almost everyone, regardless of the travel circumstances. 

    However, in my area gifts are defintely less “extravegent” than some other places.  We normally give $65-$100 depending on the relationship with the person.  That is the standard norm here.  I can see how giving a $300+ gift would be harder if that’s what you normally give but then have to add like $300+ in travel/lodging fees.

    Post # 14
    6529 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @babycakes24:  I agree with Fiance, give what they gave you. In your situation, I would give a gift that you can afford since you are already shelling out extra cash bc of traveling expense and what not. The couple should be understanding that some of guests are spending alot to be there for them. I had 2 cousins from VA drive all the way up to Brooklyn to come to my wedding and only gave $50 when I paid $160 pp. I didn’t care bc they came so far for me.




    Post # 16
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it depends on how big the gift from them was and what you can afford. If it was $100 or less, I’d just give equally if you’re able, but when it gets beyond that, it’s hard to match when you’re spending a lot to be there. We had some friends that had to spend more on our wedding because the groom had to get a kilt for ours, but they still gave equally. I wouldn’t have been upset if it was less.

    I also think with you being 5 months pregnant, they should understand that finances may be a little tight. If you go out of your way to be there & give them a gift at all along with a nice card, I can’t imagine any person with a good heart would be hurt.

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