Post # 1
I’m a long long long time lurker and I finally joined! Anyways, I’ve seen this question around but I’m still looking for more feedback.
My boyfriend does pretty well for himself and he’s in a good spot financially in terms of how much money he has saved up, how much money he has in his retirement accounts, and his job as well. He’s making a little shy of $100,000/year. I should also mention he has no debt! I also don’t too badly. I have debt (school and car) and I make around $60,000. We are in our late 20s.
I can’t help but be a little upset about his engagement ring budget. Whenever it comes up, he always compares the cost of an engagement ring (like one that’s about $10k) to like a car, a down payment, etc. It’s a bit frustrating because he doesn’t believe in upgrades either and neither do I, but I would like a nice ring. To me a nice ring is a simple setting with a stone that’s as close to 2 ct as possible. However, I don’t think the ring should be more than $10k, including taxes.
Does anyone else run into this? How did you handle it? If you did get an engagement ring that was smaller than you had hoped, how did you learn to “accept” it for lack of better words?
Post # 2
- Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar
Is he going to pick the ring or will you help? I think ring shopping is a great idea because it will really show him how much a classic ring is worth. I think you can talk about the cost all you like but at the end of the day, if he doesn’t like the idea of an upgrade then I imagine he will want to get you something nice and the price might surprise him, but if he’s got the money for it, then he’ll pay it? Seeing it in the flesh is different, and with a sales rep to explain the 4Cs etc, he might learn something and realise that a 10K budget is good. I don’t know what he’s like and am just making assumptions though! Also, show him pics of what you want because I’m sure he wouldn’t want to disappoint you!
Post # 3
We set a budget and stuck to it. We focused on getting the most beautiful ring we could for our money. I think if you get an excellent cut diamond, you will fall in love with it, even if it’s not as big as you expected. 10K is a nice amount, but it won’t buy a 2 ct. I wouldn’t personally sacrifice cut for size, but you could sacrifice clarity and go down a bit in color to get a slightly bigger stone. Online vendors like Whiteflash are very reputable and have a nice selection, and will certify stones as “eye clean”.
Another option is the amora gem or moissanite. You could get a larger stone for way less and put it in a really nice setting.
Also, I think I misread part of your comment. As far as getting your boyfriend on board, yes, spending 10K on a ring is a lot of money, but this is something that you’re going to wear probably close to every day for the rest of your life. If you can afford it, and it’s important to you, just explain that to him.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2016 - 1950s themed bar
Also, yes, the cost of a ring might be the equivalent of a down payment, but you have to wear this for the rest of your life so you should make sure you love it! (My ring cost 2x what my car is worth!)
Post # 5
So is he saying that the ring should cost as much as a car? Or what is his budget? I’m not clear where you’re differing or by how much you’re differing.
That said, I think you’re going to have a hard time finding a NICE 2 carat diamond plus a setting for under 10k including taxes. You may need to readjust your expectations as well.
Post # 6
Echoing a PP, take him shopping and help him understand the importance you, as an individual, place on this particular purchase and that it means more to you than a car, etc. If it’s still not a financial priority to him can the two of you make the purchase together?
I’ve known wealthy people who chose very modest rings and people on budgets who save, save, save and even borrow for big rings–it’s as much a reflection of values/priorities as it is of income, maybe more so. This is not the first time someone has posted “my Fiance makes X and only wants to spend Y…”
At the end of the day I hope the two of you can decide upon a mutually agreeable budget and find a ring that you will love forever! Don’t forget–you can always bling it up down the road with a new band or two.
Post # 7
I have to agree that while $10K is a nice chunk of change, it won’t buy a 2 ct stone – at least not one that is near colourless and an SI grade or higher. But I’d be honest with him about where you stand and why you prioritize a larger stone. Perhaps if you better understand one another you can more easily reach a compromise.
But this may have more to do with financial priorities, and perhaps the two of you ought to discuss your financial goals and priorities more. Stress over money is one of the leading causes of divorce, and if the two of you have very different spending and saving styles, that could be difficult to manage unless you talk about it now.
Post # 8
$100,000 sounds like a lot but after taxes that’s not that much really I think you have to negotiate but in the end it’s his gift to you unless you want to add money to it
Post # 9
Hi all! I really can’t thank you guys enough for your input. I’m sorry for the poor wording. What I meant was that he tends to always compare what $10k can buy, such as a car or some other big purchase. It always seems to be about what can be done with the money in the future rather than the present. It’s definitely not possible to live or spend like this everyday.
Also, I said as close to 2 ct as possible because I just wanted to indicate that I wanted a classic style but a nice size for a diamond. So around 1.5ish. Also, I promise to never sacrifice cut! I’ve learned the importance of it from this site!
Post # 10
so sorry for the poor wording! I meant he tends to say things like “but that could buy a car.”
Post # 11
10K can buy you a beautiful ring. If you really want something bigger, throw in 5k and call it a day. After the wedding it will be joint income, so it is really not a big deal.
I have a 1.3ct radiant, f color, excellent cut that cost 10k. My Fiance makes over 100k and honestly I think my ring was more than I would have been willing to spend on me.
Be sweet and tell him how important it is to you. Maybe you could compromise and have a smaller wedding, so he can see the savings there? If not, it’s time to open your wallet.
Post # 12
Well with 10k you can get a nice quality 1 carat diamond, but not 1.5 and def not 2. It is a big purchase- as important to you as a car etc. In fact it holds it value better than a car and you will enjoy it for life- unlike a car. I would tell him that. If you’re open to a diamond simulant you can get whatever size you wanted for a 1/4 that budget. Or add 5k of your money into the purchase and you can get a 1.5
Post # 13
my husband and I had an almost identical financial background and I had a similar budget/taste for rings. I ended up with a 1.34 carat with very good specs.
Here was my approach– I told now SH the other 3 cs I thought were the best value and the setting I liked. I told him blue Nile was the best value and had lots of options.
I then said I wanted at least a carat because I didn’t want to upgrade. I wanted a stone that I’d feel comfortable wearing to work and socially. That means between 1 and 1.5 carats. I also said that we should think about the cost per day– a $10k ring costs less than a dollar a day in a 30 year marriage.
DH could have gotten a ring between $6k and $16k with my requests. He ended up spending about $12k. The cost per day was what made sense to him.
Post # 14
My FH makes good money and also compared the cost of a ring to a car frequently…and put off buying a new luxury car to get me a high quality ring. I believe that it is a reasonable comparison. And I do feel like I am walking around with aproximately a car on my finger…because I am.
An engagement ring is a huge purchase, and I think that what your boyfriend is saying is completely reasonable. Unless you want to add to the engagement ring fund, it sounds like he has a reasonable plan. Remember, almost 100k is not 100k, and he also has to pay taxes. That means he may be pocketing closer to 60k/year. Divided by 12 is ~5k/month cash income. That means he has offered to put about 10k or two months of his earnings towards your ring. That sounds spot on to me!
I also agree with PP’s that 10k is not going to get you close to a 2 carat diamond unless it’s a very included, low grade diamond. Perhaps you should do some research to adjust your expectations, OP.
Post # 15
I don’t have any advice, but I thought the comment about “cost per day” was hysterical! Way to sell it! LOL