Costs getting out of hand

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

You’re a bridesmaid and she didn’t even invite your significant other?

Post # 3
Member
280 posts
Helper bee

I’d personally attend the wedding and skip the hen do. Or could you attend one meal/event for the hen do and forego the rest? I’m not sure how far London would be from you, so obviously that’ll make a difference. 

I have bridesmaids who live across the US and I’ve made it perfectly clear they do not need to travel for all of the festivities unless they can afford it and want to. 2/5 bridesmaids won’t make it to my bachelorette or shower, which sucks, but I understand their life doesn’t stop because I’m getting married and I’m 100% understanding. They’ll be here for the actual wedding and that’s all that matters! 

Just explain to the bride that while you’d love to attend, it’s just not in the budget. I’d hope she’d be understanding of that. 

Post # 5
Member
2925 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Skip the hen do, and see if you can stay in a more affordable hotel close by for the wedding.

I am seriously pissed for you that she didn’t invite your long-term SO. That is incredibly rude. I probably would have stepped down from the wedding party at that point.

Post # 6
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

One of my friends had a hen do that cost a similar amount and a good friend consequently couldn’t afford to go. The Maid/Matron of Honor who’d organised it was disappointed, but got over it, and everyone else understood. 

For the wedding, I would also not want to pay that much for one night. Are there any alternative hotels / B&B / Travelodge nearby? Or restrict what you drink /ask your boyfriend to collect you at the end of the evening and go home. I’ve done that before too and I didn’t miss out or feel I’d had less fun.

With the hen I’d probably go to the first half and leave after the spa. Are you close enough to London to go home to sleep and then train back again if you didn’t want to miss the second day? 

Post # 7
Member
2306 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Skip the hen do and try to find a cheaper hotel. Tell her you can’t afford all this. Maybe she’ll have an idea on the hotel? Are there possibly anybody else who needs to share a room? I’d be open with her about the lack of funds. Say you’re not trying to add stress to her plate, but you don’t have the money. If she remembers at all what it was like to be a poor college student, maybe she’ll brainstorm somewhere you can stay. 

Post # 8
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’d also say, it’s perfectly reasonable to either go or not go to the hen do based on costs. But definitely decide and communicate the decision early because saying or implying you’ll go,  only to drop out later and leave others to cover the cost is super annoying. I know people who did that and it went down badly. 

Post # 9
Member
8962 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

brokestudent :  “I simply cannot afford it but I don’t want to let my friend down” — Why is the attitude so often “If you love someone, you’ll put yourself into debt for them” instead of “If you love someone, you would never ask them to put themself into debt for you”? I don’t get this. She’s letting YOU down by expecting this of you and making you feel guilty for >gasp< not being a Kardashian. Skip the hen do. It’s absurd. Tell her you can join for either the night portion or the brunch next day, whichever you prefer or can better afford. If she pouts, she’s a shit friend. End of story. Only the shittiest of shitty people would make someone feel bad for not being rich and able to lavishly indulge the shitty person’s whims. I understand being THE BRIDE is fun and special, but you can’t put your friends in the poorhouse so you can feel even specialer. (“you” meaning brides, not OP in this case). If bridesmaids keep saying no to all these unreasonable demands, eventually brides will stop making all these unreasonable demands.

Post # 11
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think you should just be honest with her, she’s your friend! Say the finances of the hen and the wedding are really stressing you out, and of course that’s not the bride’s fault, but it’s unlikely you’ll be able to go to the hen. She may offer to help you pay for it. Also, you could do the hen the cheap way, don’t buy any drinks out, order kids meals at restaurants, pack your own snacks, potentially skip the spa. Not ideal, but then you could still go. 

Post # 12
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

For the wedding, could you stay in an Airbnb instead of the posh hotel? That would save a lot of money.

And for the hen party could you compromise by going just for the one day?  You could leave after dinner to head back home if you don’t drink, or you could meet up with everyone the second day for brunch and whatever else? It’s not ideal since you’d have to do a lot of driving in one day but you’d save some money but still put in face time.

Post # 13
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would chat with your friend and let you know you can not afford all of this stuff. Being a bridesmaid is a very costly endeavor.

Post # 14
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee

Does the bride know anyone you could split the posh hotel room with? 

Also you could skip the first brunch and just show up right after that. Also just limit your drinks for the evening or don’t drink at all. 

I don’t think these costs are getting out of hand they sound pretty average. When you were asked to be a bridesmaid, what was the amount you figured you would be comfortable spending? 

Post # 15
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee

brokestudent :  attend the wedding and drive home after so no hotel room is needed. Skip the hen party.

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