(Closed) Cottage Wedding- Rude to ask guests to pay their accomodation, and how?

posted 5 years ago in Money
  • poll: Is it rude to have a wedding week and ask your guests to pay for overnight accomodation?

    yes

    no

  • Post # 31
    Member
    13558 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    It’s rude and inappropriate to ask guests to pay you for their accommodations. Giving guests the option to stay somewhere is one thing, being obligated to pay for the venue yourself and then looking to seek reimbursement for the costs of your wedding week is not okay. 

    FYI, it’s also your responsibility to pay or provide lodging for out of town members of the wedding party. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    1957 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    View original reply
    christinemm :  I defintely don’t think there is a polite way to bring to the guests about paying.  However, to deflect some of the cost you could say “Should you choose to stay the night, accomodations are available at a price of $xyz.”  It’s politely letting them know there are affordable options of loding, and if they book it, it helps you out a bit.

    Post # 34
    Member
    8425 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    DH and I would not stay overnight for a 2 hour drive. We would leave the reception early and drive home.

    There is absolutely no way I would stay a week somewhere for another person’s wedding, unless it was some fab resort at a place we actually wanted to vacation.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4873 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    christinemm :  I don’t think it a good idea and I also don’t think logistically that it will work. People may stay the night of your wedding but most would not block out and pay for a full week. I think it will be a very expensive and money wasting exercise for you to book and pay for a whole week. You will not recoup the cost, not even a third of it. It would be cheaper to pay for a bus to drive everyone back to the city on the night of. 

    I would also be hesitant to book a venue that seems so rigid and impractical about things like accommodation and having to book out a venue for a whole week for a weekend wedding. It just seems like they take an easy and lazy approach to filling their hotel venue. It shouldn’t be up to you to pay and do that for them for a whole week. I get it as a requirement for the night of your wedding but the whole week is just ridiculous.

    Look for another venue that understands customer service and is willing to work with you and go above and beyond to make it a nice day and experience for you. They don’t sound like a venue that will do that…

    Post # 36
    Member
    4812 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I would suggest you find another venue if this one is being inflexible about booking for less than a week. While you might have some people take you up on the offer to stay 1-2 nights over a weekend, you aren’t going to get many (if any) takers for a full week to make any significant offset of your costs.

    I have gone to many weddings or events 2-2 1/2 hours away (as that is the distance for me to the nearest big city) and I have rarely stayed the night, and if I have, it was for someone I was very close to and I still went back home the next morning. There is NO way I would stay a week for a wedding 2 1/2 hours away. I only stayed 3 nights (over a long weekend) for my own wedding that was a 2 1/2 hour drive + 1.5 hour flight away. 

    You have to think of fact not only are they paying $40-80 a night to stay, they are also using sick days or losing income at work, as well as letting work pile up just to faff about with “activities” for a week 2 1/2 hours away, hiring house sitters, or pet sitters, etc, and so on.

    I don’t understand why you can’t shuttle. I have organized shuttle/limo services for 2 1/2 hours away for groups of up to 30 people (which is all your venue has room to sleep anyway) and it has been under $1,000 Canadian, which is not cheap but certainly far less than $10,000 if this venue is important to you.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1510 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    I once went to a wedding that was like this. It was about 2 hours outside DC, which is where the bride was from. Everyone who came to the wedding stayed on site and it was SO much fun. I was actually just going as the date of my now-fiancé and I didn’t know anyone else there, but since we were all staying together for the weekend, I got to know everyone pretty quickly. It was a blast. We still talk about it as the most fun wedding we have been to.

    There were really no other places to stay within a 30-40 min drive and since I was coming from out of town, there weren’t really any other options. We all paid the venue individually when we checked in, so that probably eliminated any awkwardness of the bride trying to ask for money upfront. I don’t know if you can talk to the venue about letting the guests pay them directly, that might be best. I see NOTHING wrong with sending out a message that you are having your wedding at this place, and the rooms are 40$ per person per night, and if anyone wants to stay overnight they will need to reserve their room in advance. I don’t think you can really expect anyone to stay more than 2 nights though. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    13558 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

     

    View original reply
    christinemm :   Not sure I follow. If this is a domestic destination wedding where all guests have no choice but to stay overnight, then you would provide accommodations for the entire party, not just those who do not live in your hometown.

    And if you and you alone are being charged to rent out the venue then you can’t pass those costs onto your guests, even as an option. 

    Are you saying that this info is even more motivation to charge your other guests? If so, no, that’s in no way appropriate. Make your guest list and then plan and host a wedding you can easily afford.

    Post # 39
    Member
    4812 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    View original reply
    sparkosity :  There is a difference between holding a domestic destination wedding and making accommodations available to guests (i.e. by blocking rooms) to book directly if they choose, and renting out an entire cottage for a week and wanting to pass the costs on to the guests (as OP said, SHE has to pay upfront, and the venue won’t take payments from the guests). 

    It’s like booking an expensive venue in town for your reception and charging each guest $100 at the door because you went over your budget and “need to offset the costs”.

    Post # 40
    Member
    821 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I answered no before I read your initial post. I change my answer. It’s super rude.

    Post # 43
    Member
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Edited based on what you posted when I was typing. 🙂

    If it’s only presented as an affordable option the way one would present a hotel block, then I really can’t see any problem with it. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    1510 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    View original reply
    christinemm :  I think this is fine. Let people know it’s an option and what the cost is. They can make their own decisions about it after that. I’m betting the vast majority of them will take you up on it. 40$ per night is extremely reasonable. I travel for weddings all the time and I always pay way more than that.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2979 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Find a different venue. Would you force guests to pay for their ‘portion’ of a hotel ballroom? No, so don’t make them pay for this venue.

    eta – Also “sleeps 30” means theres 6 people crammed into 1 room, and someone on every sofa. No thanks.

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