(Closed) Cottage Wedding- Rude to ask guests to pay their accomodation, and how?

posted 5 years ago in Money
  • poll: Is it rude to have a wedding week and ask your guests to pay for overnight accomodation?
    yes : (126 votes)
    83 %
    no : (25 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 46
    12294 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If the option is to pay “you” (or the cottage basically through you) for $40/night right on site vs the same or more for another hotel option, I’d gladly book my accomodations through you and give you money.  However, assuming your wedding is a 1 night event, with the locals just staying the one night, and the out of towners 2 or 3 tops (?)… basically assuming no one will be staying the week that you will have to have this placed booked, will it even make a dent in  your cost?  I suppose any money back is helpful, but I’d just look for someplace else that doesnt have to be rented for a whole week if I could.

    Post # 47
    8457 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Actually I did have a relative who rented out a huge home (like 20 bedrooms huge) for her wedding now that I think about it. They paid all the costs upfront, and then when they sent the invites they also emailed everyone to say that there were X rooms available at the house, and if people wanted to stay there it was X cost for the 3 days.

    Honestly, I still thought it was kind of tacky and so did my family. It kind of came across like she was trying to get people to pay for her venue, rather than trying to be accommodating.

    Post # 48
    13628 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    christinemm :  Normally, you are correct. Guests pay for their own accommodations. But you were obliged to pay for this venue and now you are asking for people to consider paying you back so that you could cut your losses. That is not the same thing at all. 

    Post # 49
    2738 posts
    Sugar bee

    Honey, if they are PAYING the are NOT your guests.

    In my social circle that would be a WTF? moment.

    Post # 50
    6549 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Why don’t you just change the wedding to a date that doesn’t require a whole week booking if you want that specific inn? It sounds like you are making a really impractical choice.

    By The Way it is not rude for the bride and groom to expect a guest to pay for their own hotel room. They simply book their room, pay the hotel, and enjoy their stay. It is, however, rude for the bride and groom to insert themselves into that transaction by choosing the hotel, paying for it, then collecting payment from the guests.  It changes your relationship from social/friend/family relationship to a quasi-business relationship, and it’s awkward and oogy.

    Post # 51
    986 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    Our venue is like this but we only book the whole place for one night.  We considered doing something like this but in the end decided to just cover the cost and offer the rooms to the wedding party and people coming from very far away.  I don’t think it would be terrible to offer accomodation to people at $X but if it would be at all possible you should arrange it so they pay the venue, not you.  To be honest though, no one is going to want to take a whole week off work for your wedding.  I don’t think you’ll be making much of that $10k back, and it might not be worth the hassle.

    Post # 52
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’ve been invited to wedding like this and was provided with the option to stay for £X amount and happily took it and transferred money to the couple. So I don’t think it’s rude. I  don’t think many would stay a whole week but you never know!

    Post # 53
    768 posts
    Busy bee

    Honestly Idk if Id follow through with this wedding as a guest. Id be weirded out that I was being told over night prices and to pay the B&G for my over night stay (s). 2hrs Id travel back home, but it comes across like im being asked to help to pay for the wedding venue. No pressure would me paying the hotel clerk at arrival. Not being locked into something. 

    Post # 54
    4556 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    It seems crazy for someone to pay this to stay 2 hrs away…that is not that far. If you were having a Destination Wedding, it would be different, but you’re not.

    Post # 55
    9913 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yes it’s rude, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to spend a week at an inn anyway, esepecially when it’s only 2ish hours from where I live.  

    You could mention that accomodation is available on site and to contact you for more details, but it would be on you to cover the cost of anything you didn’t “sell” (for lack of a better term, and that’s kind of what you’re doing anyway).

    Post # 56
    1449 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    There’s two main issues of rudeness potentially here:

    1) dictating that the guests must stay there or having it be the only place they can stay. Your updates make this a null point. 

    2) if the guests chose to stay there, they are paying you. That doesn’t work. It should be an option for them to pay the hotel/inn directly to stay for however many nights they want. It doesn’t sound like you have any way around this and that is a huge sticking point for me. By paying you directly, it would feel like I was paying admission. 

    There is a third issue with this place in addition to the rudeness, it’s out of your budget. You won’t have many people chose to stay there overnight for even one night, let alone the full week. You won’t make enough money back. If you really want this place, you need to be prepared to pay for it all. But I would pick another venue. Ultimately, this one does not work for you. 

    Oh, also, many people will drive home…meaning there’s even more potential issues with driving because now it’s not just a quick 15min drive, but a two hour drive at night, in the dark when they may be tires or after drinking a couple. If you are worried about people driving home, you should make it closer to town not further away. 

    Post # 57
    768 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    christinemm :  has everyone rsvpd yes? Im starting to feel you are trying to come up with a plan that everyone is willing to rsvp yes instead of no and that theyll stay for the reception and party so youre not left with an empty party. Is that what it is truly? Because adults are responsible for their actions and that includes drinking. Talk to the bartender about not over serving. In the meantime find a different venue because this seems like a waste of $$ since hardly any ppl will spend the night let alone a week. No matter who is paying for these rooms. Alot of wasted $$

    Post # 58
    6198 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    christinemm :  Oh ok, I see. You  know what my friend had a week long destination wedding thing and it was totally fine. I was unable to go for family reasons but I wanted to go so bad!! They basically planned out a weeks worth of events and included the list in the wedding invite. They also had links to the hotel that the family was staying at. I in no way ever thought that they would pay for our accomodations. Perhaps you can approach it like that? Like you’re presenting an option.

    Also when we were thinking of doing a room block, I emailed people ahead to see if they were interested. it was almost zero and almost everyone wanted to book their own accomodations. We had people coming in from every which direction though and some stayed a month, a week and only a few days so that would have been hard to plan for.

    I would seriously ask the venue what they normally do. I mean how are you supposed to know if you need to rent out the whole place? Or just ten rooms? And do they have a grace period where you can cancel the large amount of rooms booked? Some places will hold it for  you to allow guests to book, THEN there’s a deadline date where you book OR pay the balance of rooms. So you cancel BEFORE that date. Can they do that for you at least? That way it’s less stressful for you and you don’t have to hound people to make a decision. Just say, let me know by  November 1 (for example) otherwise we will NOT book your room.

    Side note – I would probably want one or two nights since $80/ couple is pretty good.

    Post # 59
    3589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Renting the whole place for a week seems excessive. You can certainly make it an option for your guests (not a requirement obviously) but most will only want to stay one night. If this is way above your budget I don’t see how it is going to work… 

    Post # 60
    4775 posts
    Honey bee

    I fall in the rude camp.  You’re basically asking your guests to subsidize your wedding.  Throw the wedding you can afford.  If you want this venue and this venue makes you rent it out for a week, then you pay for it.

    However, another point (that I didn’t see addressed elsewhere, but admittedly I only skimmed) is your reasoning for this.  “I don’t want to worry about people drinking and than trying to get to wherever they needed to be…”  This is not your problem to manage.  You realize that hundreds of thousands of weddings take place all around the world every year and do not require the hosts to babysit their guests and have them stay because they might drink, right?  And even if your reasoning is you want everyone to be able to drink to their heart’s content, some still won’t even with a place to crash because some people don’t like hangovers or other after effects.  Adults know how to self-regulate.  They know how to arrange for designated drivers or ubers or hotel shuttles or to make their own hotel arrangements within walking distance if they want to drink themselves to the point that they can’t safely drive or they know how to cut themselves off early enough to be safe.  Also, your bartender should be cutting people off when they are visibly drunk.  Your guests do not need you to be their guardian.  So if you’re picking venues with accommodations for this reason (and specifically venues you can’t afford on your own without a subsidy from your guests), then don’t.  Find places with close hotels or within a cab or uber service area if you’re that concerned.  Have the numbers of cab companies handy.  And ultimately trust that adults can manage themselves.   

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