(Closed) cough cough cough… moving in with a smoker who is taking back his promise…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@CindyRelly: If he loves you more than he can say, then he needs to do. When condition after condition is put upon your requests and later vetoed by him (i.e., Quit smoking. No. Only smoke outside. No. Just smoke anywhere but the attic. No. Just smoke anywhere but the attic until we have kids.) there’s a lot of room for this to be an ongoing debate that will suffocate your relationship, not to mention his health and yours. That’s nice that he is so wonderful to you otherwise but it is convenient to say this smoking issue is “just one thing” because clearly, it is a big thing to you, as well it should be, and sometimes all it takes is just one thing to teeter one’s happiness and relationship. At this point, try to reach a steady compromise with him, one that is lasting. At the very least, set up an annual check-in about it to see how you both are feeling about the issue. That way it isn’t like you have to address it every day, week or month, but you are in touch with each other about it on a yearly basis and it lends some neutrality to the issue. I hope that he can meet your needs as much as you meet his regarding his smoking.

Post # 33
Member
10649 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Third hand smoke affects my health enough for me to not date a smoker, so if I were to enter a serious relationship with a smoker they would have to be serious about quitting, and there’s no way they could smoke around me!  If he doesn’t understand that he can only smoke outside, it would be a HUGE red flag to me.

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