(Closed) Could be overreacting, but was this inappropriate?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Is she insane? Are we missing something here? It doesn’t even sound like you know her that well. Why is she obsessed with being a surrogate?!

I’d confront her privately and tell her 1) please stop offering to be a surrogate for me, I do not want that and 2) it was extremely inappropriate to bring up my personal issues in public and I will not tolerate it. 

Post # 3
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yeah, I think you’re being a little rediculous. That is a huge compliment, but she shouldn’t be so blunt about it when you’re not on the subject. Maybe this made you uncomfortable, but she is offering you her womb and probably sees the hurt in your eyes. She is trying to be a good friend/person. Her goal is not to make you uncomfortable.

Post # 5
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She is being entirely inappropriate. I question how the boss’ daughter is even privy to your personal information, but that’s another day’s problem, I guess. She should not keep bringing this up with you, especially in public. Take her aside and tell her firmly that your business is not hers to discuss. Do it now, before she tells the rest of your class and who knows who else. If she continues after that, take the matter to your department head and/or student services.

kristycampbell09:  I can see why you’d maybe think that, but I honestly have to disagree. Issues relating to fertility can be really, really painful to navigate. Having someone talk openly about your business (which you did not share with them in the first place) and casually mention being a surrogate for you can be really hurtful. I’ve been through something similar (not PCOS, but fertility issues) and people can say and do things that are really hurtful, without realizing why it hurts. When your uterus/ovaries/etc are not working properly, someone reminding you over and over again that theirs are all in working order and just “up for grabs” is painful.

Post # 6
Member
12227 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Sounds like this girl has no filter at all. Of course it was out of line and inappropriate. I would tell her that this was personal information and that while she either means well or was trying to be funny, you wish she had not done that in front of all those other people, because it’s no one else’s business. 

She sounds quite dense. 

Post # 8
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it was a poorly worded and applied offer that was coming from a generous place.

Post # 9
Member
1794 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you should just take it as she is trying to be a caring, generous person- and leave it at that. I’m sure she was not trying to offend you, everyone grows up with different backgrounds and social manners… hers are apparently a little more forward than yours. She’s trying to be a good person and give you another option. Infertility is rough and there’s never a ‘right’ way to say anything about it. She won’t be the last person to say or do something ridiculous to you, try not to take it personally.

Post # 10
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

sarahramo:  you need to take this girl aside and tell her firmly that while you appreciate her offer,  you need her to never speak about your personal business in public again.

sounds like her mother never taught or modeled discretion.

Post # 13
Member
7821 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I doubt it was coming from a place of malice- but it sounds like the girl has no filter.

Post # 15
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I believe she genuinely cares and meant to be helpful and supportive and did not mean to be offensive in the slightest. However, I also believe she did this in a horribly wrong way. She never should have come out and offered her services of suggorgacy in front of a crowd of people (I also think it’s weird she said it unprompted). She probably has no idea you wanted to keep this private, especially if her mother so openly told her about an employee’s personal medical condition… she clearly has not been taught a good model of privacy (PS your boss is completely in the wrong and could face legal consequences for divulging this information).

Take it as a nice gesture from a naive, dense, yet sincere person who does not understand your situation. If you’re in school, how old is this girl? Not that age should negate rudeness but she may be too young to fully grasp the impact of what she’s saying. I know it hits you personally and you have a right to be upset, but I don’t think it should be targeted at her. Do have a conversation with her and her mother that you do not want this information being shared with anyone.

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