(Closed) Could be overreacting, but was this inappropriate?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

sarahramo:  talk to her. It sounds like she’s just a sweet young teenager who still has a lot to learn about boundaries.

Post # 17
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

sarahramo:  omg. She’s in HIGH school? 

You don’t have to be mean, which I’m sure you wouldn’t be, but you DO need to be firm. She sounds incredibly naive, but that is not an excuse to broadcast someone’s personal information just because she was apparently trying to be sweet. She needs to learn this, now. 

Post # 18
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You will learn throughout your journey dealing with PCOS that people say stupid things.  You are not overreacting, she was entirely inappropriate, no question about it.  I haven’t been through it but I know people who have and you’d be amazed at the stupid things people say.

Post # 21
Member
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

sarahramo:  Bingo. She’s just clueless. Guarantee in 5 years if someone were to remind her that she said this she will be mortiified. You can’t expect a teenager to understand the sensitivity of infertility.

Post # 23
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

sarahramo:   I honesty I think she was trying to be nice.  But she’s only 17/18, she’s immature, and doesn’t really understand how personal and emotional these types of issues can be for a woman.  I can understand how her comments (public and private) would be uncomfortable.  I’d feel like my privacy had been invaded.  Her mother’s told her so there’s nothing you can do about that. 

I’d suggest approaching her with something like “Thanks for your offer to be my surrogate.  I’m really not thinking about kids anytime soon.  I’d really appreciate if you could keep my health situation between us.  It’s something I’d like to keep private”.  I think that should set her straight and you’re not hurting her feelings either. 

Post # 24
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

I would honestly be mostly upset that her mom shared that information and would be either writing or calling her mother. I know you said you’d rather not deal with that problem, but it’s a pretty serious issue that her mom is sharing employee personal information with her teenage daughter.  As for the daughter’s behaviour, she’s clearly just clueless and trying to be helpful.

 

Post # 26
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve had my fair share of encounters with “rude” people and the truth is that some people really honestly just have no idea how to handle sensitive situations because they’ve never had real life experiences. That is, until someone gives them feedback. I think that if you were to just be honest with her and let her know how it made you feel as opposed to using it as a platform to take it out on her and reprimand her (because it is personal for you), it will be more helpful for both of you. She will understand how you feel and based on her reaction, you will know the intent behind her comments. People can only relate to what they’ve experienced and what may seem obvious to us, may not at all be obvious to the next person. You know that quote that goes “Be kind because everyone is a fightinhg a battle”, well…for some people you have to just be kind, because they don’t have a clue. Ultimately, you can’t expect people to know how you want them to react to something, but you do have the power to dictate what your boundaries are.

 

Post # 27
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

Keep in mind that if anyone asks you about the conversation, you do not owe them an explanation.

Post # 28
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

wow wtf. i seriously doubt she meant it and it sounds like she’s showing off or pretending to be closer to you than she is. no you did not overreact! 

Post # 29
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Aw, she’s just an teenager, OP, and it sounds like it was coming from a place of kindness and generosity. Just let it go. She’ll learn more appropriate boundaries as she gets older and continues to mature. If she says anything else, just tell her nicely that you would prefer your medical info to remain private. 

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