(Closed) Could be waiting longer than expected

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 1
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Ok – firstly I don’t want anyone to think I’m being ungrateful. I am so very happy with my SO, and would wait for a long time (within reason!!!) for him to propose, but I’m dissapointed and wanted to vent in a safe place to the only people who will really understand.

 

So that being said; here’s the facts you need.

SO and I have been together for a bit over a year and moved in together at the start of the month

He has previously told me that he would want to live together 6 months before getting engaged

I’m 28, he’s 31 and he’s told me he wants 2 kids, and wants to be married before babies. I’ve told him I want to be done baby making before my 35th birthday. So you don’t need to be a maths genius to work out that realistically we need to be married late 2015 or in 2016. 

He’s been married before, and I was in a long term relationship that ended about a month before the wedding because my ex-FI decided he didn’t want to get married (so obviously I’m a little bit sensitive about the whole topic)

So with all this in mind I sort of thought that probably I’d have around 6-8 months to wait

The other day we’d had an arguement and to his own admission he messed up; when all was calm I joked that the only way he’d get back in my good books was with a proposal. He replied “when I ask you to marry me the day will be perfect” and had talked passionately about providing me with stability and security and a future

Then last night we were talking about our hopes and plans for next year such as “next year we’re….. Renovating the bathroom, holidaying in devon”, etc and I said “getting engaged……?” and he froze. Apparently he wasn’t expecting me to ask that and felt “in a corner” about it. Despite us talking about it 2 days previous

Eventually he said he didn’t know when we’d get married and he hadn’t really thought about it. And doesn’t have a time frame. I asked him well don’t you know if it will be closer to 6months or 4years? And he said well it won’t be 6 months, and I thought we’d be having kids in 4 years so it’ll be before that.

 

So now im confused! And I don’t want to have to wait and wait and then feel like we have to rush wedding plans or not have any married time together before baby making.

And I don’t feel I can bring it up again incase he feels pressurized. 

 

Waiting tips PLEASE!!

Tagged: 

Post # 3
Hostess
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Sparkidoodle:  I can definitely understand you are anxious to get married. However don’t forget that the beginning of relationships are always fun no matter your age or personal circumstances. My husband and I were together almost 5 years before he proposed. So yes waiting can be hard, but remember there can still be lots of fun and good times with your SO while you wait!

The way I dealt with it when I started to get anxious was by sitting down and talking with him about it. Yes I understand you don’t want him to feel like you are pressuring him, so just reassure him that you already know you want to spend the rest of your life with him and just ask him when he wants to get married. Have a frank discussion and make sure you communicate to him that you are eager to marry him becuase you can see a future with him. I found that this helped me shelve my anxiety and frustration as I felt the relationship wasn’t moving forward at that point, and it really helped me realise that the future didn’t have to be planned to a tee and that I knew he would propose eventually!

Post # 4
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s only been a year, and you’ve only lived together for a month. You still have a honeymoon phase to grow past together and plenty to learn about one another. I get wanting marriage and kids since you are close to 30, but I think you need to make sure that your biological clock isn’t leading you in this situation.

 

Post # 5
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Jacofblues:  thank you, I think you’re right. Maybe having a conversation now we are both calm will make a difference. I know we both want the same things, maybe we just need to both think and outline how we expect it to be. I think that was the shock – in my head he’d be proposing next year, so it was hard to hear that he’d “not really thought about it”

 

@MsW-to-MrsM:  oh I absolutely think it IS my clock making me more anxious about it! And to be honest it wouldn’t matter to me if we waited until we were 40 to get wed, and if we had babies first. But it is important to him that we get married before babies. And what I don’t want is to feel like we have to plan a wedding fast, or get baby making because of “time restraints” (because neither of those are fun under pressure!) 2014 is a whole year long! I didn’t expect a proposal in the first half off the year, but I did think it would probably be next year

 

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