(Closed) Could he really leave?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@missbubbles: What is the position? Is it dangerous? After 1 year would it change into a job opportunity in the US? Or would he be back where he is now without a job?

Would he be able to come home during that year? Or would it be absolutely no visits for a year?

ETA: I’m asking all these questions because these are the questions I would ask my Fiance in discussing an opportunity like this. Yes a year apart sounds daunting, but depending on the rewards it may offer it might be the best thing for you and your family. This should be a discussion between you and your Darling Husband about not what is easiest, but what is best. Life is full of ups and downs and sacrifices. 1 year in the grand scheme of things is not that long. But you need to have an open and honest discussion and evaluate the options in front of you. This is a decision you make together, not one he makes on his own.

Post # 4
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

y is it no? Go to kuwait, it’ll be an adventure and a year will go by in no time.

Post # 5
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Why don’t you go too? It sounds like a great opportunity. 

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@missbubbles: What kind of work is it? Would it be a good resume builder? Is his job type cyclical in that it may be easier to get a job of this type back in the US a year from now?

Post # 8
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i can see why you would be upset. we do agree to stnad by them in thick and thin and if is something you can do together then maybe it would be a great experince for you both. i wouldnt want him to go without me. anyone who says its only a year has not waited a year for something. but then agian people in the servic do it everyday. my heart breaks for you….best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@jotasevic: That is not true. I’ve done a year of long distance before.  And currently my Fiance is working in London and will be doing so up until the wedding. He does get to come back and forth, so it is slightly different, but once you get into the groove of being apart it does start to go more quickly.

I’m not saying it wont be hard and their won’t be times you think it was a terrible decision and you cannot bear to be without him a day more, but it is not impossible and if it could hugely benefit your family, it might be worth it.

Post # 10
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That is such a hard decision. I see it from his point of view, as a man, wanting to supprot his family any way possible. Then I see it from your point of view. I mean a year straight without any visitation is hard on anyone, and then him going to Kuwait, makes it that much harder. I can’t really give you any advice, for whats best for you guys. Personally I would not want my fiance to go. We have a son together, and his safety comes before any financial gain. But your guys situation may be different. Support him, but let him know your fears. I wish you gusy all the best.

Post # 11
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would say no. And you’re not being selfish for doing it. You’re being a loving, caring wife. That’s my .02 cents. This opportunity may be momentarily better for your family, but in the long run a year a way in dangerous place may not be. It would be different if you married into this arrangement (military, etc) and knew exactly what you were signing up for. You didn’t and he doesn’t. You’ve only spent one night apart in 5 years, and I think it would be silly to disregard the potential changes you would go through facing 365 days apart, with no visits.

Post # 13
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh wow, I am so sorry for you 🙁

I would… tell him that you love him, want him to stay here with your family even with out a job, or a crappy job. Your family would be together that way. But if he really wants this job that you will support him in that. Wishing you luck for whatever is best for you guys! keep us updated..

Post # 14
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lola2011: That’s why I’m asking all these questions.

From the answer so far it seems like the only plus of this job is money right now. Since there’s no future work in the US that comes out of it and it doesn’t seem like a “career building” opportunity it might not be the best option for OP and her family.

Post # 15
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

A year will go by more quickly that you would think and you can talk by skype every night! i talk to my brother serving in afghanistan once a week and he talks to his girlfirend almost every night. its pretty amazing actually when you think people could only communicate by mail and people would go weeks and weeks not hearing from their loved ones. Im pretty floored by it, im like “you are halfway across the world at war and i can see your face on my iphone” the future is now.

Kuwait, though not the safest place, is far from being as dangerous as other locations – a lot of our military end up there first before being deployed to their bases in iraq or afghanistan.

its a hard decision to make but if it benefits everyone involved it shouldnt be such a hard choice – i would be completely devestated if my husband had to leave me for a year but Military wives do it all the time – hats off to them right?! but if HE wanted to and it helped your family i feel you have no choice but to support him.

 

Post # 16
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@missbubbles: Ok, then I would say this doesn’t sound like a “life changing” opportunity (other than the fact that it would keep you apart for a year). If it would spawn some large career growth in the US, then it might be worth it, but it sounds like it is a band aid that will be gone after one year and could put a lot of strain on your relationship.

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