Could he turn out to be a financial bully?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think at 6 months with only a single comment about whether or not a haircut is too expensive, it’s impossible to tell. This is something you learn about someone overtime.

At this point, it really seems like you are reading a lot into one comment. And it certainly doesn’t sound like he was trying to dictate how you spend your money or like this has even developed into a pattern of him questioning your spending.

Post # 4
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Do you complain about money at all around him? If so it may explain his one off comment.

Post # 6
3176 posts
Sugar bee

From the things you’ve related that he’s told you, it sounds like he may be a little judgmental of your financial decisions. I do find that concerning. Are there other instances where you’ve noticed this, and is there a pattern?

Post # 7
662 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like he doesn’t think you’re as financially responsible as you think you are. People spend differently and money is often a source of disagreement. I used to cringe at my partner’s spending habits too until I got used to it. Your boyfriend’s an ass if he’s making snide comments. But bully? Unless he makes you change, I would say no. 

Post # 8
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I think he just sounds cautious, which is understanding given his history.  I think it could well be something which is easily sorted out with a good conversation.  

We have a joint account, which we each contribute a percentage of our income into for the mortgage/bills/other joint expenses (if we go out for dinner etc), and then each have our own accounts for “fun money” to spend as we please.  This could work for you – that way he knows the bills will be paid but you still have your own spending money to do with as you please.

Post # 9
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

He sounds like he’s being cautious and careful after his experience with his ex. At this point, it doesn’t seem like there are any red flags. 

DH’s mom is the type to spend a lot of money on everything. Expensive hair appointments twice a month, botox, facials, elective procedures, giant homes she can’t afford, expensive cars, etc. When we were dating he would sometimes be concerned that I would be the same way. And it would definitely bug me. I would buy something, and it would somehow end up in a conversation about money and responsibility. It drove me insane and really hurt me because I’m so careful with my money and I don’t care about buying fancy things. But he was scared that I might be like his mom. Eventually he got over it.

Point being, I think your boyfriend will get over it too. Watch out for any comments that actually seem controlling, but I really think it’s fine.

Post # 10
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m not sure how much you could read into this one comment bee, from experience I feel like most men I know are just absolutely shocked at the prices when it comes to women’s hair cut and colouring. So it could just be that. Its good that you’re being observant and cautious, just try not to let it consume you!

Post # 11
6161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’d just say “Mind your business, Derek. Get out of my purse.”

If he’s actually worried about something, the two of you should sit down and have discussions about things openly and directly. Those passive little digs would bug the shit out of me.

The two points you raised would be enough for me to start paying attention for future red flags. A poor man can be worked with- a cheap man is a terror!

Post # 14
10668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

mindzoo :  

Bee, you’re justifying your spending habits to us with your posting about shopping sales or thrift stores.  What is that about? Do you do that around your bf?

Generally speaking, six months in, not living together, your money is none of his business.  But, if you’re bringing up the cost of things or feeling the need to put on evidence of your thriftiness, you are inviting comments.

Post # 15
2692 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think this is necessarily a red flag. I’ve said that before. Not because I think someone is bad with money, but basically it was a poor way for me to bring up that the price seemed kinda high, and are they sure that’s what they want?

Talk to him about it & see if it was a misunderstanding.

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