Post # 1
I know, I know. I know what you all are thinking, “what kind of silly question is that? – you’re either engaged or you’re not”
But it’s a tad bit more complicated than that lol. I guess the only real reason I’m asking this is because I’m young. Like, just shy of 18 young. Anyways, my father’s close friend who I’ve known and loved since I was basically a baby, started talking about marriage last year. I took it as a joke and played along, but I soon realized he wasn’t joking at all lol. Apparently he had a son overseas (that I knew nothing of) until he came here sometime last year. He wants me to marry his son – and he told my parents of his plan, and apparently they agreed.
I’m Muslim, and in my culture and religion, arranged marriages are the norm. The thing with arranged marriages is, the boy or girl doesn’t “propose”, it usually rather the parents of the boys who ask the parents of the girl for her hand in marriage (or vice versa). So I guess, arranged marriages don’t have the same ‘engagement process’ as love marriages.
I’ve met him and he’s a real gentleman, definitely better than the guys I’ve been around. Anyways, to make a long story short – they are waiting until I’m done college (21), he’s a bit older, 21 now. So essentially, there was some type of formal agreement to marry – just no ring. So could I consider myself engaged? :
Post # 3
Engaged, betrothed, promised to wed… I think, as long as there isn’t a religious or cultural word that you’re expected to use, then you can pick whatever you’re most comfortable with.
Post # 4
I think it depends on what you want. Would you like to be engaged? Or would you like to get to know your husband-to-be first? Even though you are Muslim, would you like him to give you an engagement ring?
If I were in your shoes, I suppose I’d start calling myself ‘engaged’ when I started physically planning the wedding.
Post # 5
When you start planning for the wedding (booking venues, looking for dresses, etc), I’d say that you are engaged.
Post # 6
Yes. I have a friend who has an arranged marriage (although they are Hindu / Indian). She called herself “betrothed” rather than engaged.
Who plans the wedding ceremony? Is that you and your FH? Or your parents? I would hope that you will get to interact with this gentleman during the “betrothal” so that you get to know him!
Post # 7
I think you could call yourself engaged if you feel comfortable with that term! It might be easier for other people to understand than explaining “bethrothed,” even though that might be a more technically correct term for your current situation. Engaged will probably be clearer and more off-putting to potential suitors you might meet in college than the term bethrothed, if you are ever in a situation where you have to turn down a date!
Post # 8
Thank you everyone for your replies!!! You all were a huge help – and I definitely agree “betrothed” would be the more appropriate term, but that term isn’t commonly used in this day and age hahah.
Anyways, I guess I’ll consider myself both engaged/betrothed lol, thanks ladies! 🙂
Post # 9
@MadameX: I sooo agree! Hahah, thank you! 🙂
Post # 10
@chynaaGH: I’m bringing the thread back haha! Betrothed is such a great word…I used it when referring to my fiance before we were planning our wedding. I consider you engaged if you want me to 🙂
Post # 11
in my country they call that a kind of engagment
but there must be a ring to be officially engaged , some people getengaged for years on that wedding promise and just 2 rings , they get to know each other through these year.
I think you should call your self engaged and tell your friend an so when you wear the ring.
congrats dear 🙂
Post # 12
I would say you’re engaged but it’s not official..I’m Muslim too and I’m with someone who I spend a lot of time with and he is invited to all the family events etc, but I don’t want to say I’m engaged until I have the ring and am actually planning the wedding just because around here, when you say you’re engaged people expect a wedding within a year. To nonmuslims I just say say my boyfriend or the guy I’m with and to muslims he’s just the guy I’m gonna marry lol hope that helps
Post # 13
Coming from someone who was free to make my own (sometimes very poor) decisions on who to date, etc, I’d say call him whatever you’re comfortable with. When I hear ‘engaged’ I expect that a wedding is in the works. Call him your friend, boyfriend, the guy you’re with, say you’re in a relationship, you’re committed, or it’s none of thier business! To my mother he’d be your “friend” until you had a ring on your finger and maybe until you actually said vows. 🙂