(Closed) Could really use some advice, mixed messages about engagement

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1099 posts
Bumble bee

That’s awful, I feel your pain. It sucks but it really doesn’t seem like he’s serious about being engaged. If he was, he knows you are, and he wouldn’t be so weird about it.

My advice is talk to him once more seriously about it. Sit him down and ask him one last time what’s up. If nothing comes of it, let him go, but I wouldn’t put too much effort into a long-distance relationship. They are so difficult! If that happens, tone down your expectations for this relationship.

Good luck:)

Post # 5
1099 posts
Bumble bee

@Hawk-1-1:  Mm that’s tough. It is very strange to suddenly take on a child when you start dating someone, so I understand his concern. But I don’t think he would say that you’re the “one” if he doesn’t want to have your son in his life. I mean, before your child becomes an adult (and even after that), you’re a package deal. He probably just didn’t imagine himself having children yet. At the same time, you need someone who you KNOW will not let your son down, since he is your priority above all else. 

Also, it could be that he is using your son as an excuse for not having a serious relationship. I’ve seen that sometimes a person loves another person, but for whatever personal reasons is not able to comit to them, and they try to find excuses simply because it doesn’t make rational sense. I’m not saying this is the case, but it’s something to think about. Either way, he’s not ready to be in a family situation. I wouldn’t force the relationship too much because if you do, he may end up breaking you and your son’s heart. 

That doesn’t mean the family thing won’t ever happen, but for now it seems unlikely. Remember, if you were meant to be, you will eventually be together whether you live far away or even break up for a while. For now, you need to focus on your son, and not try too hard to find a father figure for him.

My guess is that he will move away, be really sad and miss you, and soon come to want you and a family. Either way, don’t keep your hopes up, try to move on a bit and do other activities. There’s more than your happiness at stake, so don’t push this relationship too much.

Let us know if there are developments, of course! Much love sent your way.

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