(Closed) Could she be jealous?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

geeeeze! sounds like someones jealous that you are going to have a nicer wedding on a much more realistic common sense budget 🙂 plus she’s probably jealous that you’re planning a wedding and she doesn’t get to plan one anymore. listen a wedding can be beautiful on any budget and she is being so rude and sounding VERY materialistic!! oh and for the record i know a few lawyers…and they don’t make “great money” actually. yes they live comfortably but it’s not like they’re millionaires so she should get over herself. sorry. don’t feel bad about your budget or how much you are or aren’t spending!! she’s in the wrong here not you. i’m not sure of anyway you can please her here so i’d stop trying and just worry about what’s important, yourself, your Fiance and your wedding planning. good luck hun!

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do you think maybe she is jealous that her wedding is over? Have you involved her much in the planning? I am assuming no because she is acting like a B*tch but maybe do you think she could be jealous that she is not more involved and that she was hoping to be involved in planning another lavish affair?

I am sorry you are going through this! I think it is admirable that you are only spending a portion on the lovely gift of money on the wedding!

Post # 5
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’d say she’s just jealous because she spent so much money on hers (and it might not have been all that great). It honestly sounds like she just wants to be the center of attention and I would just ignore her. If she starts bringing it up, I’d just tell her that you don’t wish to discuss the wedding at the moment and inquire about her life or something along those lines, just to change the subject.

Post # 6
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

So to be clear – her family paid for her wedding too, right? If so, she really has nothing to complain about. It does seem like she’s jealous that you’re getting the “same” wedding for much less money. Also, was she one of the relatives that contributed $$? If so (or even if not) I would be curious whether those relatives were ok with you using only 1/3 of the money for the wedding – i.e. was it a no strings attached gift or were there expectations that it would all be spent on the wedding? Maybe she had this expectation and is upset that you’re spending differently than she expected.

Out of curiosity, how are your budgets so different if the style of wedding is similar? I think it’s incredible that you’re having a full event for such a great price, but as you guys are presumably in the same general area, I am wondering how she could have spent so much more. 

Post # 7
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Ok, I’m sorry but she’s acting like a total bitch.  Just let her be, it sounds like she will have plenty to complain about.  Doesn’t sound like she’s capable of giving a compliment so try to let her jabs go.  I think she is jealous and sounds like she’s doing this to get attention back to what she and her husband did.  I personally know someone like this and I just avoid her and try to bite my tongue when she makes her remarks because I feel like all she wants is a reaction out of me. 

Post # 8
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

I am doing a budget wedding and by budget I mean 6,000 is the absolute limit, we’re aiming for 5,000 and so far we have everything but my dress and a cake and a pastor and we’re at 5,000. (so if anyone has any navy, winter, cranberry or peacock stuff to sell…haha) no but seriously! budget weddings are the way to go and right on for spending some money for a honeymoon! we arent going on one because well, we dont have the money but our wedding is going to be very nice in a great church and then moving it to a beautiful hall that we are getting for a discount 🙂

but she probably is jealous that you are having just as nice of a wedding for so much less. I decided a long time ago that i want a big wedding, we are having almost 200 people and i want everything that goes into it, but i dont want to spend more than 10k tops. so im not. in the end, to me, which could be how she feels, i feel like spending a lifetimes of savings on a day you will hardly remember the details of isnt worth it.

but id say just smile and be extremellyyyy nice to her, she’ll get over it. but not untill she gets annoyed with your being so nice when shes so mean 😉

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Based on this sentence “My future in laws — parents and future brother and sister-in-laws- actually put in the bulk of the money,” I wasn’t completely sure if she was actually helping to contribute to the wedding financially as well.  Many times whoever controls the money controls the situation (from my experience).  

 

If she did help contribute to the wedding, was the expectation that ALL the money would be going to the wedding?  I think it is logical that if you are not in the best financial situation to want to spend less on the wedding and just save some of the money, but if the family gifted you the money specifically for the wedding, I can see how someone may take offense if the money is used elsewhere.  

Post # 10
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

It sounds like she is trying to deflate you because you have had such great success being economical with your wedding planning.  Don’t let her negative comments dampen your feelings towards your wedding or your honeymoon.  I think that she is jealous that people are praising your acccomplishments.  I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. 

Post # 12
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I think you made great decisions on how to spend the money and she is very immature to behave the way that she does. And the nerve of her when she didn’t pay her way for her wedding or honeymoon either! Earning potential – please. You made great decisions and I’m sure your wedding will be gorgeous and she can just sulk about her potential while you actually DO something. Do a shot in her honor in Hawaii. HA!

Post # 13
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

it sounds like you and your fi are doing an amazing job planning a wedding that’s true to what you want and practical for your budget needs. your fsil sounds like she’s a “my way or the highway” kind of gal, and you should just ignore her negativity. she sounds jealous and like she’s annoyed you’re not listening to her advice, but her advice is very narrow-minded.

Post # 14
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I would ask her

“At first you said we aren’t spending enough money and now you’re saying we’re spending too much – so which is it?”  and be a broken record till she answers.  Ugh!

But to be fair, it has to be painful for her, she probably feels guilty about her own large budget and at the time she justified it as “just what things cost” (and she wasn’t wrong for spending it if she could afford it – time and efforts also cost and she might not have had the same set of friends that you do) and now that you’re showing her very closely that it isn’t “just what things cost” it feels like you and everyone else are criticising her wedding and that hurts her.  She should be a grown up though.

Post # 15
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We are having around 80 people and spending under $10k, it will be a beautiful wedding at a beautiful banquet hall as well.  My sister spent over 30k for hers a few months ago, it was at a very expensive hotel in the city and she decided to drop out of my wedding and now has rsvp’d no.  After reading this post I have come to realize that she and your fsil are jealous that we are smart with our budgeting and dont need to splurge to celebrate our love.  Oh well, who cares about them, I actually feel bad for people like that, they think everything their way is perfect and others just do it all wrong.  

Post # 16
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

So I don’t think this excuses your FSIL’s behavior, but I can relate to her. Imagine thinking that you did everything right and being proud of your wedding and then seeing someone else ignore your advice and get a similar wedding for much cheaper. She probably feels a bit foolish for overspending. Also, getting DJ and florist for free and a photographer at a huge discount is really cool, and it doesn’t sound like she had access to any of that no matter how much she was trying to save. So I think she might also be jealous that she didn’t have the same connections that made it possible to save so much. 

In any case, it’s immature of her to be so mean, but I do understand where she’s coming from. 

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