- newbee bride
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Ok, long post. When my FH and I got engaged, our financial situation was bleak. My hours at work got cut down dramatically and my FH is still in grad school. There was no way we could have an elabotate wedding. Our families pooled together a signaificant amount of money. Both families said we can use the money for whatever we wanted. My future in laws — parents and future brother and sister-in-laws- actually put in the bulk of the money. My FH and I were and still are so grateful. Without their fianancial help, we wouldn’t have the wedding we’re having now. All together, the money comes out to $30K. Since we’re not in the best of financial situations, we decided not to spend all of it on the wedding. We decided to spend $10K on the wedding and $3K on the honeymoon.
My Future Sister-In-Law has been really vocal and critical on our decisions. She insisted early on that our budget was unrealistic especially for our area and we weren’t spending enough. She said a decent wedding should cost at least $30K. She said we could only hope for a “backyard bbq reception” with our budget (and she was real snooty about it). She spent $60K on her lavish wedding, including the honeymoon. From the beginning she told us we were never going to make our budget goal. She’s been very negative about everything we choose and insists that because she spent X amount of money on something, we should too.
Well, it looks like now we might reach our budget goal of $10K. Our wedding will not be a backyard bbq–it will be in a nice banquet hall. We’ll be serving delicious food and we’ll have nearly everything that makes a “decent” wedding. My Future Sister-In-Law hasn’t said one nice thing about the wedding yet. When the subject of our budget came up during a family dinner, someone was so shocked we are able to pull off our wedding on our budget and made a comment to my Future Sister-In-Law saying, “and we spent how much on your wedding?” She was not too pleased.
I guess she flipped when she found out we were going on a one-week trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon. She, too, went to Hawaii for a week on her honeymoon. She told us we were wasting our money and that we didn’t deserve the trip because we were poor. She said because she and her now husband were studying to be lawyers when they got married, they could afford a nice honeymoon (even though their families also paid for their trip). But it was ok for them because they’d have “great earning potential someday.” Because we’re probably not ever going to earn as much as them, we don’t deserve such a “luxurious honeymoon.”
We didn’t splurge on our honeymoon. Thanks to a lot of research, the honeymoon for the both of us will cost us $3K at the most. We did countless hours of research, DIY projects and networking to achieve the wedding we want on a low budget. Thanks to friends and family, many of our vendors are either free or very, very cheap. Our whole wedding and honeymoon will only cost a fraction of what my FSIL spent on hers, and it hurts that she would suggest that we’re being too frivolous with our money. We’ve done everything to save money with our financial future in mind. $13K is nothing considering the average wedding in our area is $50K. I don’t know why my Future Sister-In-Law would be so critical and well, mean to us right now. She pitched in to help give us this great wedding, you’d think she’d be happy for us. I want her to be happy for us, and I do feel a need to please her since she will be family soon. But I don’t want to sound too bold or full of myself…but she acts like she’s jealous of our wedding.
We’ve done everything we could think of to show our gratitude: buying our families’ attire for the day, buying nice thank you gifts with our own money. We’ve constantly told our families –including my FSIL– how grateful we are to them. I don’t know what to do to make her happy. First we don’t spend enough money, we’re having a cheap wedding, and now we’re spending too much. I tried talking to her about how I feel, but she turned the talk into some lecture on our finances and our financial future. She spent the next hour reminding us how poor we’ll be when we return from our “honeymoon paradise.” What gives? I kind of feel like she’s on a power trip.