(Closed) Could someone please help me (cause Mom isn’t)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i haven’t been very good at wedding-related decisions either! i put all this pressure on myself that every small choice must be the PERFECT choice or the whole day will be ruined. so, fi has become my sounding-board. i’ll give him two options of everything and say choose! he’ll say “whatever you think, i like them both” and i’ll tell him i can’t decide so he has to. it’s worked well so far!

Post # 4
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

wedding planning at the beginning can definitely be overwhelming, so it’s understandable you feel like you’re all over the place.  if you feel like you’re second-guessing your decisions a lot, go ahead and spend all the time you need to research and look around before making a final decision. there’s so much stuff out there, and it’s okay to take your time (or if you don’t have time, just make the decision and don’t look back!).

maybe your mom is concerned about being too controlling or one of those can’t-let-go moms, and so she’s deferring to you.  that or she feels like planning a wedding is so different these days.  maybe if you told her that actually you need more advice/guidance, she’d speak up?

and the hive is definitely here for you! good luck!

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My mom is the same way (as is FMIL) which is nice that they’re trying not to step on my toes, but when I ask for their help or opinions, it’s because I really want to know!! I feel ya! I think misspug is right, just explain to your mom that you’d love her advice and guidance (when you ask for it, if that’s a disclaimer you’d want to throw in), and that her opinion is important to you. 

Best of luck, and if you figure out how to get her more involved, let me know! Wink

Post # 6
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

My moms got nothing but opinions but she not pushy about them, so it’s not an issue. Maybe you could “assign” her some things to do some research on or drag her along to a few wedding shows so she can see first hand that you need her help?

Post # 7
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can lend you my mom for a few days 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My mom was the same way. Some mom’s are not into weddings, and some don’t want to step on their daughter’s toes – even if its just in their mind that they would be stepping on toes.

With wedding planning, it’s easy to get pulled in a million directions because there are a million options – don’t feel bad about that! What helped me was to set up a general budget and for me and my husband to sit down and talk about what broadly we were looking for….then, go through the million details from there 😉

Don’t stress out about things being “perfect”, as long as your guys are happy, things are perfect. There is no “right answer” with how to plan your wedding 🙂

Post # 10
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My Mom’s the same way.  As is Future Mother-In-Law, although I know she has opinions, she’s just with-holding them for fear of stepping on my toes.  I’m not sure my Mom cares.  She cares about me, and me getting married, but as for details, she’s just not the type.

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