(Closed) could use feedback about fiance's negative opinions…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You should give HIM some honesty.  The tattoos are there, they aren’t going anywhere they are a part of you.  Have you explained to him what they mean to you?  Why you got them?  Why they make you feel beautiful?  That kind of thing?  

There’s always photoshop for the one pic to go up on the wall with no Tat’s showing or Dermablend.

Post # 4
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@HisIrishPrincess:  +1

 

OP, he needs to learn to accept the tattoos and cherish them as part of you. He is being ridiculous about them IMO.

 

But, early on you complained about him not giving his opinions, and holding in what he really felt to ‘compromise’ and now you’re upset because he is telling you how he feels? I am a little confused.

ETA: Could you say to him that you want his opinions, but not on your attire or anything you have already organized?

 

Post # 6
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel like he is being kind of ridiculous about the tattoos. You aren’t having some huge, grand black tie wedding. Its just the two of you. They are there to stay and he is going to see them all the time.

Post # 7
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Dermablend works wonders.  Maybe cover the one he’s not a fan of, up.  Let the other one show.  Besides the one on your back isn’t going to show up in … very many pictures anyway. 

Post # 8
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

You said you’re the only one compromising, well once he gave his opinions about the other stuff, did you go completely to what he wanted or did he have to give up some of what he wanted too? You said you found a place in the middle, which means you  BOTH compromised. 

If he is wearing what he wants, you should be able to wear what you want. It’s the wedding day of both of you, not just him, not just you. You have said you have tried to talk him out of it, and are upset he is doing the same to you. Don’t you think he felt the same when he was being asked not to wear what he wanted to wear on his wedding day? That you won’t think he is handsome or that he will be upset because he knows that isn’t what you want him to wear? I think you are being a little unfair, as you are getting upset at him giving his opinion, and not agreeing with what you want to wear, which is exactly what you did to him. Cut him some slack.

Post # 10
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Jacqui90:  +1 “If he is wearing what he wants, you should be able to wear what you want.”

Amen.

Post # 11
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@cmdeibler:  Wow….what is his problem?  I have TONS of tattoos.  Fiance…he has ZERO.  But he loves ME.  Not what I look like.

Here is me for reference:

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d be concerned if my wedding was one where I was re-marrying my ex and we couldn’t plan the wedding without a bunch of fights – especially fights about physical features of mine, including tattoos. There is a difference between being honest and being unnecessarily hurtful, and the second is what he is doing by criticizing a part of your appearance that is clearly not changing. Kinda a red flag for me, especially when you’ve been having other arguments over planning too. Have you thought about doing pre-marital counseling this time around, OP? I think you guys could probably really benefit from it.

Post # 15
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@cmdeibler:  I think your finace’ is confusing honesty with rigidity. 

The fact is, he’s marrying a woman who has tattoos and likes them.  Honesty would be, “You know, for formal occasions, I’d prefer you cover the tattoos.”  Flexibility would be, “but if you’ve found a dress you love, I’m sure it will be beautiful.” Or, “Would you mind covering the tattoos for the ceremony only?” 

The two of you have different visions for the wedding and that’s fine as long as you can compromise reasonably and not make every difference of opinion into a huge deal or resent every compromise. 

Is his objection really just that he doesn’t think tattoos look right at formal occasions or does he really just hate your tattoos?  Because the first is something I would think he could let go of or the two of you could find a compromise for but the second?  Well, that’s a problem.  Because you HAVE tattoos. 

Post # 16
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I agree that this is a red flag. I’d be concerned that the tattoos are a symptom and that what he’s really worried about is that you changed and matured while you were apart and that he’s uncomfortable with the new you on the inside. 🙁 

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