(Closed) Could Use Some Advice – Cancelling Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Can you get most of your money back?  I’d definitely cancel it and just elope.  Why blow 20 grand on a wedding that neither of you want?  Think of the bombass elopement / honeymoon you could do for that!  Or save for a downpayment, etc.

Post # 3
7176 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Elope!  You still want to get married, and you don’t want the big shindig.  Or you can just have a small wedding and invite only your closest friends and family.  Even a courthouse wedding with a nice dinner afterwards seems like a good bet for you guys.  Do what YOU want to do.  It’s your day 🙂

Post # 5
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
TheMaskedBee:  Sorry you have to go through all this stress. First of all I won’t advice you on parents because I don’t know what rift was about. Best to discuss it openly with them.

Second of all, honey i would cancel the wedding. It causes you too much stress (And your FI). You should be nothing but happy on your wedding day. If you always wanted small wedding, do it over when situation is calmer and be more selective in who you want to invite.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 7
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It sounds like you definitely know what you want, but Fiance is still a little hesitant. That’s why I think steps 1 and 2 that you laid out are really important. To cancel is a big step, but to cancel and then have regrets would be even worse.

You both seem to be thinking about this rationally. I would just encourage to you wait until AFTER your moratorium on wedding planning/wedding talk to make the decision on whether to cancel. Give yourselves the time you need to be certain (though I will warn that some vendors’ contracts require payment depending on how soon the wedding is. Ie my venue would just keep deposit if you cancelled 6 months out but would charge half the event cost if you cancelled 1 month out).

I get where your Fiance is coming from with wanting to look good for others. Just encourage him to focus on what will make the two of you happy. Everyone else will support you. If they don’t, then they don’t have your best interest at heart. Ultimately it’s the marriage that matters, not the wedding.

Post # 8
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m so sorry that you and Fiance are going through this. 

My DH and I came very close to cancelling our wedding as well, we were in an LDR and planning an affair for 200 people while being in different states was incredibly stressful. When we first started discussing our wedding, we envisioned a backyard BBQ or a nice brunch something fun and casual with family and friends. We ended getting caught up in the craziness and planned for a formal reception with the whole shebang. I loved my wedding and it was so much fun, but I still look back on it and think about how much stress, sanity, and money (most importantly) we could’ve saved ourselves.

I was also like you in that I hated the whole wedding planning process, it never interested me one bit. My bridesmaids and the women in my family were a lot more into it than I was. 


have you considered scaling the wedding down? I know you said your venue has a 100 guest minimum, what would happen if you don’t meet that minimum? I would keep the services you have already made a deposit on and continue planning a wedding for the 60-80 people. It would be much more manageable. 

Just follow your gut, I agree with PPs on definitely waiting until the end of the month to make a decision. Maybe there is a middle ground in a smaller wedding? 

Post # 10
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would not postpone, because I don’t think you should put your life/relationship/marriage on hold because members of your family are having issues. But I definitely don’t recommend pursuing a $20,000 wedding if neither of you are feeling it. If I were you, I would probably cancel the big wedding, try to get some deposits back but swallow the losses otherwise, and instead plan a much smaller and more casual wedding. For example, go to City Hall on a Friday afternoon and meet up with 15 of your closest friends and family at your favorite restaurant later that night for a wedding dinner. It can be as fancy and wedding-y, or as casual and laid-back, as you both feel comfortable making it. 

Post # 12
2570 posts
Sugar bee

Personally as someone with anxiety issues eloping was a no brainer for us. I would be perfectly happy just signing paperwork but he wanted a ceremony so we are doing a destination elopement.

If the wedding is causing you so much stress absolutly take a step back and resvisit the wedding when you feel better about things.

A wedding should be something that brings you joy not distress have your wedding however best describes you as a couple. Good luck!

Post # 14
992 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
TheMaskedBee:  While I agree with the general sentiment that you should NOT continue planning a $20K wedding that you don’t want, I want to offer a slightly different option to consider:

Instead of cancelling the wedding entirely (and losing ALL of your deposits), can you not just simply begin plannig the intimate wedding of your dreams? A small wedding should be easier to plan, and eight months doesn’t seem like too short of a time frame to change plans, so I don’t see why you couldn’t keep the same date, officant, and photographer and simply change venues to one more suitable to the wedding you really want.

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