Post # 1
My first boss when I was in grad school became a great friend. We were peas in a pod when we both lived in the same city. I even introduced her to her husband back then. Now that I’m in Virginia, we see each other once each year at a professional conference. i just saw here at that conference at the end of September. I remember thinking that we should have taken a picture together.
She just emailed me to let me know that she has cancer. She said she didn’t want to call because she knew we’d both be crying. She was meeting with a specialist today to discuss chemo, which should take 6-8 months.
I feel so worthless. What can I possibly say to make her feel better?
This is so unfair. She has a husband and three beautiful, little girls.
Post # 3
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: I am sorry to hear this. Hopefully things will be okay. I think it is best for her to have you to listen to her.
Post # 4
You can’t really say anything to make her feel better. You can ask her what she needs though.
Some people just want to pretend that nothing is wrong. They want to talk to their friends and gossip like they always have. Once they get “used” to having cancer, they just want to live their life.
In the beginning, however, it will be hard. My go-to for anyone who is feeling bad is to give them some food so they dont have to think about chores for the first few emotional nights (and randomly through out her treatment).
Since you live far away I would make plans for once a month to have pizza and salad, or some other delivery to her house so she and her husband and kids can spend quality time that night with out the effort of dinner or expense.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry to hear that. One of my dear friends found out she has cancer this past year. She lives in Europe so our situation is somewhat similar in that way as well. We talk on the phone and I listen to her. I encourage her to stay positive (and she has) and that is really all that can be done.
She told me that when she first found out everyone in her family was taking it really badly so I knew I had to be strong for her and not react the same way as her family had.
Post # 6
She’d probably appreciate it alot more if you were able to help out with something she needs, rather than try to say/do something to make her “feel better”.
Don’t look at it as their last moments because you don’t know how much longer they’ll be around. They could easily still be here long after their expected “last days” still going strong. No reason to act down about it.
For what it’s worth, my grandma is battling a very rare breast cancer and having radiation treatments (they don’t do chemo for this particular type, even though they removed the cancer), and other than being tired from the radiation, she’s still going strong and has plans for years to come since she’s not going anywhere. No one is acting like she’s on her last breath.
Post # 7
I’m definitely not in a heap, moaning over this and i certainly am not the type to dwell on the egative. She’s 37 and a strong woman. She will live…after 6-8 months of intense chemo.
Unfortunately, being 9 hours away, I only have words right now.
Post # 8
Just let her know she can talk to you about anything, whether it be her cancer or her family or random celebrity news – the best gift you can give is just to continue being the friend you have been. She will have good days and bad days and really, really sick days. Just keep calling and sharing stories and being there.
@lefeymw: love the far away pizza delivery idea!
Post # 9
Let her know that you’re there if she needs to laugh, cry, whatever. If it’s in your budget, consider getting her gift certificates to a restaurant that delivers or even some visits from a maid service that can be used when your friend wishes.