Post # 76
happybridetobe1988 : This isn’t really a helpful comparison. We aren’t talking about the difference between poor and the super rich. I highly doubt OP will have the opportunity to be on the same level as the Beckham’s. We are talking about the difference in the quality of life (and available resources) to raise a family on minimum wage versus a (realistically) higher paid job. If even one parent has to work 2-3 jobs to support the family, that means the children will go without one parent. Whether rich or poor, of course the children will suffer from not having their parent available. You don’t have to be a constantly traveling celebrity to have this issue. While not poor, my dad worked crazy hours to support our family, and as a result, he wasn’t around that much. I often wished he had one regular, 40 hour a week job. In a higher paid job, you can work more reasonable hours to support your family and spend more time with your kids.
Post # 77
What she said.⬆️
My parents had me very young…then moved to Canada and when i was almost 10 y.o. had 2 more kids back to back that they really couldnt afford as new immigrants and 5 years later divorced. We were dirt poor, no extarcuriculars, no vacations, barely scraping by every month. We lived in social housing, received welfare and went to foodbanks occasionally. I was the free babysitter and tutor. It really sucked. Poverty affected my brain. I am resentful towards my parents, my mother especially. They fought so much about money it was crazy. Long story short.. By mid 20s I was obese (stress eating) and bankrupt (had 15k of credit card debt i couldn’t pay off) i have been struggling with depression, anxiety and poor self esteem most of my life. This is bullshit. When people have kids they cant afford, it’s selfish.
I am 33 still no kids, only planning in a couple years.. dh and I are finally in decent jobs.. still have lots of debt and no savings but we are working on it. By the time Im having a kid it would be almost a decade since i met dh.. and it took that long for me to fix my life, my body and my brain. I refused to bring a child into this word if I cannot afford one, and I had extreme baby fever a couple years ago. I litteraly told it to go fuck itself and it passed because I will not have my kid go through all the struggles i had to go through. We are gearing up for baby, in a couple years. We have decided to have only 1 child because of age, finances and sanity.
I had a pregnancy scare a few days ago.. i though i was gonna lose my mid.. despite hearing “it will be okay”and “we will manage” we just this month are finally, finally getting on track with me getting this new job. I will have 1 kid at 35… if I were to be one of those “jesus will provide” folks I would have had 2-3 in my mid to late 20’s and been broke as fuck the rest of my life. No thank you. I work with people none of whom had anything like that going on in their life. They are all well educated middle class people and I am struggling fitting i to all this but i am not giving up. I feel like an imposter, like I don’t deserve this, like i am not good enough to have this…. i need therapy. Growing up poor sucks and affects the rest of your life. I could never do that to my child deliberately.
So to answer your question… No.
Post # 78
Bees, we are getting a lot of flags on this thread. Please keep it on track and aimed at helping OP, judgements on other people’s nesting choices are not allowed. Your experiences on either side and your opinions are fine.
We want to allow vigorous debate, so long as it stays respectful and on point.