- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
What she said.⬆️
My parents had me very young…then moved to Canada and when i was almost 10 y.o. had 2 more kids back to back that they really couldnt afford as new immigrants and 5 years later divorced. We were dirt poor, no extarcuriculars, no vacations, barely scraping by every month. We lived in social housing, received welfare and went to foodbanks occasionally. I was the free babysitter and tutor. It really sucked. Poverty affected my brain. I am resentful towards my parents, my mother especially. They fought so much about money it was crazy. Long story short.. By mid 20s I was obese (stress eating) and bankrupt (had 15k of credit card debt i couldn’t pay off) i have been struggling with depression, anxiety and poor self esteem most of my life. This is bullshit. When people have kids they cant afford, it’s selfish.
I am 33 still no kids, only planning in a couple years.. dh and I are finally in decent jobs.. still have lots of debt and no savings but we are working on it. By the time Im having a kid it would be almost a decade since i met dh.. and it took that long for me to fix my life, my body and my brain. I refused to bring a child into this word if I cannot afford one, and I had extreme baby fever a couple years ago. I litteraly told it to go fuck itself and it passed because I will not have my kid go through all the struggles i had to go through. We are gearing up for baby, in a couple years. We have decided to have only 1 child because of age, finances and sanity.
I had a pregnancy scare a few days ago.. i though i was gonna lose my mid.. despite hearing “it will be okay”and “we will manage” we just this month are finally, finally getting on track with me getting this new job. I will have 1 kid at 35… if I were to be one of those “jesus will provide” folks I would have had 2-3 in my mid to late 20’s and been broke as fuck the rest of my life. No thank you. I work with people none of whom had anything like that going on in their life. They are all well educated middle class people and I am struggling fitting i to all this but i am not giving up. I feel like an imposter, like I don’t deserve this, like i am not good enough to have this…. i need therapy. Growing up poor sucks and affects the rest of your life. I could never do that to my child deliberately.
So to answer your question… No.
Bees, we are getting a lot of flags on this thread. Please keep it on track and aimed at helping OP, judgements on other people’s nesting choices are not allowed. Your experiences on either side and your opinions are fine.
We want to allow vigorous debate, so long as it stays respectful and on point.