Post # 1
I like to think of myself as someone who strives to get along with everyone and see the best in people etc.
But a question had me thinking, could you be friends with someone with the complete opposite views than you ?
Just say you are a liberal/ democrat and believe no matter the sex, or orientation, love is love and all people deserve love. You believe women should have more rights , more equality for POC, love for all religions, much stricter guns laws, a woman has the right to choose over her own body and men shouldn’t be making decisions for her,l… just curious, where do you draw the line at accepting other people with different views as friends and people you can’t get along with?
My friends hubby was going to have a job offer in the south in a prominent bible area, but they didn’t take the job because many of her friends are gay, the area is too accepting of guns in the area and just a very prominent republican area with lots of “southern” views she said – that she wouldn’t be able to not speak up, if people said things .
I was thinking that she may may be able to accept others but she had said, the state having recently changed abortion laws, showing their stance on women’s bodies, it couldn’t be for her ( which i can completely understand as well)
So it just got me thinking , how much different views does someone have to have, to not be friends with them? Obviously other than blatant racism, could you be friends with someone that was anti- gay when you yourself marched along with your friends to support them in pride parades?
just curious where the line is drawn for people.
Post # 2
It is horrible, and frankly exhausting, being surrounded 24/7 by people who don’t believe POC, LGBTQ, and women are to be treated equally and kindly. Your friend made the right decision.
Post # 3
I think it depends… I have friends who Believe abortion is wrong but I am pro choice, but neither of us preach to the other about how right the other one is so I have no problem with that. I also don’t believe in god but have friends but do again it’s not something that really comes up or is ever argued over, we accept that other people believe in other things.
as far as being friends with someone who is homophobic or racist… no, I can’t see myself associating with someone like that.
Luckily I live in a very liberal place so most of the people I’ve met and connected with do share the same beliefs that I do, so it’s never really been an issue for me.
as far as your friends decision towards moving, I would have done the same thing.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
No, I could not and will not associate with people with opposing views, aka people who don’t believe in basic, fundamental human rights for everyone.
But, then again, I say this as a gay white woman married to a black woman, so my line is glaringly clear.
We need more people like your friend in this world.
Post # 5
cherrymerlot : my best friend is a liberal and I am a republican , we share many things in common and that’s what makes our friendship outshine our political beliefs. I love her so much and we never preach to each other about our beliefs we focus on the positives. music is really what brought us together. We both sing and often sing together So no this does not affect us.
Post # 6
I think it really depends on the person. If you can’t respect each other’s viewpoint, then no, I couldn’t be friends with them.
Post # 7
We are moving to a very red state from a very liberal state for work. Let’s see how it works out. We are a little hesitant specially my husband because he is poc
Post # 8
cherrymerlot : I think that stepping out of your comfort zone teaches you more than living within the confines of your life where you surround yourself by like minded people. Exposure to a different system in a non threatening way, opens up people to examine their own ideals and prejudices.
I don’t necessarily think that all people with opposite views to mine are bad people. I think they are just people who haven’t come into contact with a wide variety of different ideals and are maybe surrounded by lots of people who think the same as them and therefore have not really examined their own beliefs or how their beliefs impact others who don’t fit the structures of their very narrow confines as to what is right and wrong. A lot of the things you mentioned as barriers are usually born from ignorance and unfounded fear.
I wouldn’t necessarily not befriend someone based solely on the fact that they hold different beliefs and values to myself. We can all learn something from others and living in an echo chamber doesn’t do anything for anyone to help us move forward and in a positive direction.
Post # 9
If someone was loud about what they believed in, I don’t think I could be friends with them no matter what it was that divided us.
I.e. I am anti guns, but if someone I loved owned a gun and didn’t throw their right to have it in my face, I wouldn’t hold it against them.
If people want to have backwards-ass thoughts they can have them, so long as they keep them to themselves. If people are pro-life, cool whatever go for it. Don’t wave it in my face though, and I’ll do the same for you.
But then again, I live in Australia, and no where in our legal system does it forbid a woman accessing an abortion. I mean, except NSW, but precedence and interpretation has done wonders to mitigate the illegality there.
Post # 10
I think you can, to an extent. I think it depends on how different the views are and what sort of issues.
I would struggle to be friends with someone who thought being gay was morally wrong/disgusting/a sin, as so many hard line christian’s do simply because it is so far from my view. If someone was literally “anti gay” then I don’t think we could ever foster a friendship, who cares if we like the same movies or music if we’re so fundamentally different?
I can be friends with moderates from different political leanings but when someone’s beliefs start to infringe upon the human rights of others then I have no time or respect for them.
Post # 11
It would depend on what the view was, and how vocal they were about it.
After the Brexit vote, I went on holiday to Australia. A local man, without asking me my views, announced to me that it was great that Britain voted to Leave, how all the foreign people are ruining Australia, and that Britain had the right idea in voting to make them all go home. His views were extremely racist, and since I come from a very strongly Remain area, his views on Brexit were very unwelcome. We would never be friends.
However, I have friends who voted for Leave in the UK, and we are still friends. We just don’t talk about it.
I have many friends of different religions. I would only not be friends if someone either started trying to convert me ALL the time, or supported jihad or similar.
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
There are certain things which would be a hard line for me. I don’t want to be friends with someone who is racist, homophobic, sexist, islamophobic, etc. I’ve stopped talking to a couple of people after they continually posted offensive, racist comments on Facebook. On more minor, less fundamental things (like the Brexit vote, as someone mentioned above), I think it can be fine as long as discussions are kept civil.
One of my oldest friends is a politician, in a party I don’t support, but we’re still friends. I may disagree with some of his party’s policies, but I also know that he’s a kind, hard-working man who genuinely feels he’s doing what is best for his community.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
When the (unnecessary, awful) plebiscite on same-sex marriage happened here in Australia, I literally told my husband that him voting NO would mean I’d divorce him. I said it in jest, because I knew there was no way he was voting NO, but I wouldn’t remain friends with anyone who expressed homophobic, transphobic, racist or sexist views. Anyone who doesn’t believe that POC or women (or minorities in general) deserve equality is no friend of mine. Having said that, my grandfathers were both not particularly accepting of homosexuality but I do put that down to growing up in a different time and to be fair, they didn’t spout off about it (they’ve both passed away). My nearly 90-year-old grandmother, on the other hand, has been nothing but accepting of one of my cousins coming out as lesbian and marrying her (awesome) wife – her wife is treated exactly the same as any other grandchild’s spouse.
I also have unfriended people on social media for expressing anti-vaccine views. With an immunosuppressed husband (and a doctor brother) I have zero time for antivaxxers. I have a couple of colleagues who I know are antivaxx but they’re not close friends and we simply don’t discuss it at work.
Other views – so long as they don’t try to jam it down my throat, I have no problem with. If discussion can be kept civil and there’s a willingness to hear the other person’s point of view, all good.
Post # 14
It depends. Most of my extended family is politically conservative. I definitely butt heads with some family members when certain topics come up, and there have been times when I felt so frustrated I had to take a step back from those relationships. but at the end of the day we all love each other so there’s no estrangement or anything.
Most of my friends share my political views for the most part. I do have some childhood friends that I suspect are pretty conservative politically, but we just don’t talk about politics. I’m not sitting here grilling people on their beliefs, but if a friend of mine said something I found offensive I’d certainly object to that and I could see that creating tension potentially.
Post # 15
mrsaime : Yup… this is the first word I thought of. I think the question is, could I be friends with a disrespectful, close minded person? And the answer is no. I am very liberal. And I live for new experiences and learnings with different people. I meet people every day with differing views to mine, and many of them become friends. But they’re all respectful of my life and beliefs as I am of theirs. If you come at me with an intelligent, thought out and respectful POV, I will at least hear you out.