- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
As in, just you and DH. Your family lives hours away, and the only people you know in your current location are coworkers and aquaintances. Could you/would you do it?
DH and I are not currently TTC, however we are working out an extended timeline and need to decide whether or not we are going to stay where we live now or re-locate to be near our family. We’ve always said when it’s time to start a family, we will move near our hometown, but now that it’s a reality, I’m reconsidering.
Our current situation:
We currently live in a medium size city with sprawling suburbs surrounding us, and neighborhoods within the city have a very suburban feel. Though the neighborhoods vary, housing and utilities are generally very affordable. The states top 3 public schools are within miles of us, and many others in the city make the top 100 list as well. The city is truly beautiful and landscaped, full of sprawling parks and wooded areas. It is very cultural and has a huge emphasis on music and the arts. Every Friday night in the summer streets are blocked off and the city hosts free concerts from big musicians. There is a huge weekend long arts festival hosted in a different neighborhood every week. We live within miles of state of the art hospitals and specialty medical centers. The opportunitues for employment are vast and varying. Everything about this city we truly love. Except, all of our family and friends live at least 2.5 hours away. We moved here because of a job offer 3 years ago, and fell in love with the city. We’ve made efforts, however the only relationships we’ve made are with coworkers and alot of aquantainces. People I would say hello to in the grocery store, but would never call up to ask a favor.
We are considering moving to DH’s home town, where I also lived for many years. It’s a very, very small city. The “suburbs” are other towns about 20-40 minutes away. It’s a mainly industrial town and has certainly been hit hard by the economy. Its drab and depressing driving through downtown or small neighborhoods. Everything is gray and rundown or outdated. It’s a very small minded community, where “different” things aren’t accepted well. The schools are not great unless you live in 2 very specific neighborhoods that are relatively far away from town, and everything else – grocery store, gas, restaurants, etc. There are extremely limited employment opportunities. The best paying job within the immediate town is at a weapons factory, doing simple assembly line jobs. We both hated living there, hence why we left. We would only go back because we want family to be a part of our childrens lives. We keep telling ourselves that once we live there, and get to spend every weekend with all of our long time friends, it will feel like home to us.
DH works from home for a large corporation. He has been with the company for 11 years and it is extremely stable. He can work from any city in the world, as long as he has internet connection. I however, work in a very specific medical field. I have been at my current job for 4 years, and I love it. The staff is wonderful and very much like family to me. The hours and my boss are extremely flexible. I am able to switch between full and part time hours as I need. I’ve been there long enough that if I want to take every Monday off and leave early on Fridays, I can. The idea of moving, starting a new job and then becoming pregnant soon after is scary. Upon returning to work, I wold have no flexibility at a new job.
We also currently share one car. It is entirely paid off, and we really don’t want to add a car payment if we don’t need to. With DH working from home, I drive to work daily. But, it’s only 3 miles from home. So if DH has an appointment or a day off, he’ll drop me at work so he can use the car. It hasn’t happened yet, but there is also an expansive and safe public transit system we can utilize if our schedules don’t match up. If we were to move, we would absolutely need a second car. That’s an additional immediate mandatory expense to add on top of raising a child.
I’m afraid to raise a child on our own in this city. If he/she is sick at daycare and DH and I are both stuck at work or something, we can’t just call up mom/dad/brother/uncle/any close friends to swing by until we can be there. Even though the school systems are great here, we don’t know anyone. In his hometown, everyone knows everyone. If our child wants to go to “Tommy”s house after school, we know who Tommy’s family is. In such an expansive community where we are now, how do you know who/where to allow your children to spend their time. I also really want our family to be a big part of our childrens lives. My grandparents and aunts and uncles were just distant names I heard growing up and got cards from on holidays, but never really knew. I don’t want that for my kids. But thats hard if family lives 2.5 hours away.
So I guess the question is, in this situation, would you
A). Move. Get a new job. Give up your loved city for drab hometown, to make sure your kid has their family around always, and you constantly have a support system.
B). Stay. Keep flexible job. Live in beautiful city and travel “home” often. Know that doing this will probably be an extreme struggle at times to balance everything, but you get to stay in the city you love.