(Closed) Could you raise a child in a city on your own? What would you do?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Would you raise a child in a city with just DH, or move to be near family?
    Stay in city alone with DH : (91 votes)
    85 %
    Move near family : (16 votes)
    15 %
    Other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would stay.  2.5 hours really isn’t that far away, and the area you are in sounds like you love it so much more.

    Post # 4
    46414 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I was a single parent to two children in the city. People all over the world raise children in the city.

    You need to develop relationships no matter where you live. If you are parents, it helps to have relationships with other parents who can help out on an exchange basis.

    Some cities have professional caregivers who can come to your home to look after a sick child, although it sounds like you have way more flexibility in your jobs than I ever did.

    There are also “Adoptive Grandparent ” programs in many cities, where you are matched up with an older person who wants a relationship with a fmily.

    Post # 6
    9550 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m in a somewhat similar situation, so I want to see what others have to say!

    Post # 7
    46414 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @krex:  How long have you lived there? Have you not made any friends?

    Post # 8
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @krex:  I am assuming you meant your family/friends live 2.5 hours away, not 2.5 miles? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I would stay where you are. While 2.5 hours is not convenient for casual babysitting/get-togethers, it is totally doable for holidays/special events, vacations or weekends for you/DH, and emergencies. Once you are pregnant, you can find local forums or groups to get to know other expectant moms, and once the baby is born (assuming you don’t move to a different suburb), your child will likely move through the school system with roughly the same group of kids, and you will get to know them/their families that way. I am pregnant and I live in Texas, while all our family/friends live in Ohio. We certainly love it if we could have everything we have here there, but that’s just not in the cards right now. We are going to make it work, and so would you!

    Post # 11
    4049 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I would stay where you currently are. You clearly love the area, and it sounds like a wonderful place to raise a child.

    2.5 hours isn’t really that far. My parents are about two hours from my brother and his baby. They visit at least once a month. It’s not hard to do even a day trip with a 2.5 hour drive. Weekends will be easy. Holidays will always be spent with them without even needing a plane ticket.

    As far as friends – you’ll make them. When your kids are little, go to tumbling classes. Go to the park. Go to swim lessons. You’ll meet other parents there. Set up play dates. Get to know them. Soon enough you’ll have friends who are in the same boat as you whom you could rely on in times of need.

    Post # 12
    46414 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @krex:  You will meet other new parents in your childbirth education classes, at Mommy and Me classes etc.

    Focus on establishing friendships with other parents- people with whom you can exchange favors/help when needed.

    Post # 13
    1162 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @krex:  I would have trouble deciding in your situation too. I voted for my own, but it really dosn’t apply to ou. I hate cities, and I love our home town haha.

    I really don’t think you’ll have that much trouble bringing up a child on your own, you will make networks before then! And you make friends through mothers groups and the like ๐Ÿ™‚ I wouldn’t give up a good job for a crappy one, and somewhere you love for somewhere you hate just for a free babysitter ๐Ÿ˜›

    Post # 14
    7736 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @krex:  Stay in the city, no question.

    I didn’t do this, but I might as well have, because all family members who lived in my city (e.g. my mother) were working and too busy to help except for occasional babysitting.

    And my parents lived away from family for my entire life. They moved twice to cities where my father only knew the people he worked with, and my mother initially knew no one. They made friends where they moved. I almost never saw my aunts and uncles, but I think my parents’ close friends filled those roles.

    Also I’ve always made good friends at church whenever I’ve moved. If church isn’t for you, find some other social outlet where you can make friends not merely acquaintances.

    Post # 15
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    @krex:  Definitely B. I live in an area at the moment that I really don’t love and it’s quite profound the effect it has on so many aspects of my life. For me, loving where you live (and from your description, the place you live now sounds amazing!!) is SO important. You also sound so happy where you are and not very thrilled by the prospect of moving to your DH’s home town lol

    In regards to help, could you afford a part-time nanny or babysitter you could call on regularly? Sometimes thats a better option anyway because you don’t feel guilty for asking for favours all the time!

    If it was me, I’d stay ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 16
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    The way you have described your hometown it doesn’t really sound like a very appealing place to raise a family. The way you described the city you live in now makes me want to move there!

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