(Closed) Could you raise a child in a city on your own? What would you do?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Would you raise a child in a city with just DH, or move to be near family?

    Stay in city alone with DH

    Move near family


  • Post # 17
    8010 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have 2 kids and I would never live far from my parents or in-laws. It is important to me that my girls spend regular time with family often. They saw my mom 3 days this week and my Mother-In-Law once. it would be too far for me.

    On another note, my older daughter had a seizure this month and was hospitalized. I would not have wanted to wait hours for family to arrive to take care of my younger daughter who could not go to the hospital. And I would not have felt comfortable leaving her with a neighbor. 

    Of course you can do it- but to me it would not be ideal.

    Post # 19
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @krex:  My ex and I moved from a small town in California to Portland, Oregon, when our daughter was 4.  We had no family living in the area and did just fine.  We split when our daughter was 7 and he moved back to California.  I then raised our daughter, by myself, with no other family around.  It wasn’t easy, but I don’t regret it.  I hated that small town we lived in.

    Post # 20
    3728 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

     @krex:  Buffalo is a great place to raise a kid! I have lots of DH’s family half an hour away, but odds are that they would be no more likely to pick up the kids if they got sick than we would.  We probably see my family in Buffalo (7 hours away) 5 times a year and his 7. I wouldn’t uproot a great situation just yet. If you really regret not being around your family once you have kids, you can always move then.

    Having family close by is great for impromptu get togethers and emergencies (when Brother-In-Law got in a car wreck, SIL could get to him sooner than his wife). But you also can make a support system of friends and acquaintances as needed. When you have kids, you meet people at day care and the park and it is easier

    Post # 21
    4998 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I would definitely stay! 2.5 hours is nothing. If you guys want to go away for the weekend, you can drop a kid off with family or they can come to your house. I would not move to an undesirable city and quit your jobs for that. Plus, you can always move later. If you want more than 1 kid, I would wait until you’re having kid #2 to move. 

    Post # 22
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t base my life decisions on where my family lives. Also, I wouldn’t have a child if I couldn’t care for him/her with my husband. I am not one to be dependent on others. I could raise a child on my own. I’m not saying it would be easy or fun, but I could. 

    Post # 23
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Based on the information you shared here, I would say stay! I think the benefits heavily outweigh the disadvantages in your situation. 2.5 hours really isn’t all that far away, regular visits are totally doable. And there’s also things like Skype, if your families use it, for more “face to face” interaction if that’s what you’re concerned about.

    It’s easy for me to say all that though, considering our closest family when I was growing up, was a 6 hour drive away in Montreal. My mom is from there, and we only saw her family at Christmas and maybe once more at some other time. My dad is American, from Rhode Island, and all his family is spread out through New England, from NYC to Maine. So we only saw them in the summers when we would get together in RI and drive along the coast. But we were always in contact through the phone and through mail (no good email and certainly no video calling then, lol). When my parents got married in 1981 and then moved to Toronto, they had no friends, really. I was only born almost 10 years later and that’s when they started building a social circle through the daycare (until my mom opened her own) and then later through school, with my friends’ parents.

    I think things get easier when your kid starts school, because you’ll see the same parents at school functions, your kids will be friends with their kids, all that stuff. I remember sometimes staying with friends after school if my parents had to do something or couldn’t get me from school (when I got older I was allowed to walk home by myself). In larger cities it seems like it’s hard to get to know people, rather than in a small town, but it’s not. You build a circle of friends through the local community, school, church, common places like that.

    Post # 24
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    In your situation, I would stay! I clicked on this because we ARE moving to be near my parents when we start to TTC, but we have a lot of factors different from yours.

    1. Fiance and I don’t want to raise children here

    2. It is not affordable.

    3. There are more opportunities for him in my parent’s hometown.

    4. We are a 10 hour drive from my parents and his parents live in another country.

    It sounds like where you are makes you happy and you can swing the cost. I say stay!

    Post # 25
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee

    @krex:  we don’t have any family nearby and although we do have friends, we don’t ever rely on them to help with DD. we make it work and its not as hard as you probably think. 

    Post # 26
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I have never lived near any of the extended family, i was brought up by 2 working parents, with help from babysitters and daycare. so i dont know any different… But i would say its entirely possible and sounds like it would be ideal for you to stay where you are. 

    Post # 27
    662 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Do you really live in Buffalo (as indicated on your profile)? I only ask because the city you described sounds magical and my experiences with the city of Buffalo were….far from magical. Anyhow, stay where you are. You guys are happy and you’ll be fine. The family is not very far away at all (mine is all on the other side of the country, that’s far!!!).

    Post # 29
    6890 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @krex:  Well considering DH parents live over 4 hours aways and mine are 1.5 hours away we are staying put.  You make due when a child is sick.  We do rely on my parents more because they are closer however if daycare calls and says our son is sick one of us just has to go get him

    We make due, in a pinch if huge emergency we could ask DH’s brother who lives 20 min away but we rarely see them and don’t rely on them. 

    Many people are in this situation you just have to figure things out

    Post # 30
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @krex:  honestly I live very near to my family and I rarely use them to watch or pick up my daughter. It also sounds like your job is flexible enough that if you needed to leave early to pick up a sick kid it would be fine, and since your husband works from home I really don’t see the problem at all. I’m sure you could find a daycare very close to you guys that either one of you could get to by car or public transport within 30 minute. I know my daughters daycare just wants you to be there within an hour to pick up a sick kid, so it’s not like you only have 5 minutes to get there! I lived in NYC with my daughter and my partner for two years when she was very young and it was no problem at all. 

    Post # 31
    7426 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    We just has our first baby, and we live in NC and all of our friends and family live in California (we moved here a year ago). We would live to be able to move back to California. Having friends and family to help would be amazing. We also just like California better…

    Obviously, we can raise her on our own here, but help is very welcome.

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