(Closed) Could you say no?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would only say no if I couldn’t afford it or did not have the time that the bride was requesting of me.  I would not, however, decline because I didn’t like other bridal party members or because I wasn’t Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrskrumpet:  Just curious, when you’ve had troubles with “S” in the past have you talked to “L” about it? Has she been “there for you” when “S” hasn’t?

If you haven’t seen her in 3 months, could something else be going on in her life you don’t know about?

It seems strange that she’d be upset and refuse like that, but it also seems like there has to be something else going on here.

Post # 5
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, if she says no over this I think it shows her immaturity. You probably don’t want someone in your wedding party who’s going to harbor bad blood with another wedding party member – it’ll just cause headaches. If she says no, tell her you’re sorry but hope she can still make it as a very honoured guest and proceed with your planning. Don’t let it put a damper in your friendship – just accept it with grace and move into your wedding planning.

People get weird with weddings.

Post # 7
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i agree with PPs.  L sounds very immature.  I wouldn’t contact her again- ball is totally in her court.  If she doesn’t contact you by the deadline you gave her, I’d wait another week, then assume she isn’t in the bridal party.  Sounds like this may be a blessing in disguise!

Post # 8
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would definitely say no if there was a solid reason it wouldn’t work out.  Whether it was commitment, date, timing, the bride (cringe) or something that would prevent me from fully functioning as a bridesmaid.

Having said that, if I were in your shoes..I would consider that a no already.  And even if it was a yes, it’s a yes under really strange circumstances.

Post # 9
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrskrumpet:  Ah ok, I was giving her a bit of the benefit of the doubt, but it does sound like she’s a bit immature.

I agree with @Mrs. Meowerson:  the ball is in her court now. 

Post # 10
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@KatNYC2011:  holy crap, kat, when did you get 7500+ posts?? lol!

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs. Meowerson:  Umm…. I’m a bit addicted…. and being unemployed isn’t helping!

Post # 12
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had a similar situation where I had asked someone to be in the wedding – they thought they should have maid of honor title and when I informed her that she wasn’t going to have that title, she said thats fine – but would be mad at me if a certain person did have that title. It’s been drama since day one with this particular bridesmaid. Her response now when I say something about it is “i said I would go with whatever you decide” She still doesnt get that its really none of her business who I pick to do what.. Some people just don’t get it.. They dont get how hard it is to pick people, how you cant make everyone happy.. I would give her a little bit longer to respond, if she doesn’t then I fear you’re going to have to make the decision for her. I wish you luck – and I hope you don’t have as much drama as I’ve had with bridesmaids.

 

Your maid of honor sounds awesome!! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Cheeks923:  it’s funny, too, because their behavior after the fact pretty much validates you not choosing them to be MOHs!

Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mrskrumpet:  I would only say no to being a bridesmaid if I physically could not be present due to a previous commitment I couldn’t break, or logistics like not enough funds to travel there or whatnot, or if I felt I couldn’t handle it considering other life pressures and instead, would immediately let the bride know I couldn’t do it so she could make other plans. I would never say know due to someone else in the bridal party — that is nonsense and catty rather than honoring the relationship/friendship directly with the bride and groom.

I once warned my Future Sister-In-Law at the time that there was a slight 10-15% chance I might be in a film in a remote part of China during their wedding (something my parents actually helped arrange, strange as it was, so if there was anyone to be pissed at, it was them!) but that I would know shortly and just wanted to give them a heads-up way in advance if she and my brother decided to choose someone else closer to her. My brother was cool with it but Future Sister-In-Law flipped her lid and was a total beeyotch to me. That did not go over well. Everybody, including my parents, defended her, and now everyone is surprised she is a beeyotch to them now, too! I was eventually a Bridesmaid or Best Man for them but come my turn to marry, neither of them attended my wedding. My brother said he had to teach that day and couldn’t get out of it even though he had over a year’s notice to take off work. He RSVP’ed over e-mail, late, after I had to question him over and over about it. She never responded.

 

 

Post # 16
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’d say L isn’t someone I’d want in my bridal party.

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