Post # 1
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
So, we’ve had some hiccups lately and as a sort of emotional marriage prep/fixing the hiccups in our life we’re going to see a counselor and we’re both reading the 5 languages of love. I didn’t want to find myself engaged without all the tough questions asked and with no solid foundation for something as long term as marriage. As much as Id love to be engaged right now, marriage is so much bigger than the pretty ring on my finger and my happiness is priceless. If I had the choice between a happy marriage like my parent’s or a Kardashian rock I’d give up the rock. For me, being engaged is almost like being married. There are some real solid plans in place to make it happen and the biggest change will be a piece of paper. I didn’t want us to get engaged THEN realize there were still things we needed to work on together to really be ready. So, while the ring ball is rolling we’re seeing a counselor this week and doing some self reading.
But…I didn’t expect my guy to be so supportive of all our prep work. I got him the 5 languages of love for men audiobook and completely expected him to throw it in his car and forget about it. Turns out, he had listened to an hour of it the very first day I gave it to him. Just made me happy. And he didn’t just listen to it for the sake of listening. He actually came back to me with the things he learned from it. It made me happy knowing that he just wasn’t going through the motions and that he really wants things to be healthier. I’m hoping the counselor goes just as well. It was just very sweet of him and I wanted to tell someone. 🙂
In the end, if it all works out, we’ll have a wonderfully supportive, healthy, understanding relationship and we’ll finally be engaged. Win-win! 🙂
Post # 3
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
@claireos: Wow! This is so awesome! I’m so happy for you right now! My boyfriend and I talk about EVERYHING and we’ve been together for nearly 5 years. So I think we have majority of the toughies out of the way, but I still can’t wait to start marital counseling. It’s such a great thing to do together!
Post # 4
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee
I mentioned this on another thread but I think this is such a great thing you guys are doing. I’m glad to hear your mister is supportive and really into it as well. How far have you gotten with the 5 Love Languages? My mister and I have been talking about reading that for us as well. For me, preparing for marriage is way more important and focusing on just getting engaged. After all, engagemnet is only for a season when marriage is forever.
Post # 5
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
Good job! That’s so great that you guys are willing to improve things!
My SO and I read the 5 Love Languages about a year ago and it has made a world of difference for us. Our love languages are completely different, and we used to try and do things for the other in our own language, so we didn’t feel very loved. After gaining understanding from the book, we now feel closer and more loved than we ever used to! Just remember that it is a choice that you make each and every day to do things for your partner in their love language and “fill their love tank”!
Post # 6
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
I’ve basically read the whole thing. I’m a quick reader and found once I picked it up I couldn’t put it down. He’s not quite done yet. But there are things that I’ve tried to communicate to him before that he hasn’t been receptive to that he was receptive to when they were written in the book. I think it’s something about a neutral 3rd party that gets him to really listen. We would have gone to counseling anyways, but I kinda realized the other day that I don’t even want him to buy a setting, propose, then realize we haven’t discussed some pretty huge things (like our communication issues, how we’ll handle debt management, etc). Especially if I discovered down the road that the biggest obstacles are the ones we disagreed on. How you handle money or communicate can be deal breakers.
I know we get along, we love each other, have similar personalities, senses of humor, love each others company, have similar passions. And that’s great. But if we don’t figure out a healthy way to handle conflict for the long term, then no thanks. I don’t need to get married that bad. I don’t mean it to sound harsh. But I kinda feel like these last conversations will help us both depermine if we’re absolutely right for each other and if we can actually be successful in marriage.
You should definitely read the book. I always heard about it on here but blew it off. Glad I made the purchase. SOOOOOO glad! 🙂
Post # 7
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee
@claireos: & @purplebee: I’ll definitely check this book out. Thanks for the recs!
And don’t worry claireos, that totally didn’t sound harsh. It’s actually quite rational and smart. It’ll save you both a lot of turmoil down the road. I wish more people would approach marriage this way!
Post # 8
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
@purplebee: Hah! I loved that love tank bit. I told my guy about it last night (bit of a spoiler alert) and I told him you’re supposed to ask how empty their tank is so you can fill it. He thought it sounded stupid. And it did. We laughed. But in all seriousness I totally intend on implementing it. My language is quality time but we don’t know what his is yet (though we predicted is probably the opposite). The moment we find out I’m so gonna start asking him about his tank. 🙂 The silliest things are sometimes the best. I’m so glad to hear it worked for you guys! 🙂
Post # 9
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
Sounds like you guys are on a really great track! We read love languages a while ago and its a great reminder just to keep doing things for your partner.
Post # 10
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
@claireos: You are definitely smart for taking the time to emotionally prepare for marriage as a couple. You are also very lucky to have a guy who is willing to prepare with you as well. This experience will definitely strengthen your relationship!
Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
@tea: You couldn’t be more right when you say that preparing for marriage is more important than focusing on engagement. It’s taken me a while to realize that, and I’m therefore grateful to have this time to strengthen my relationship with SO before we take that next step.
Post # 12
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
That is fantastic! And I’m soo happy that you pointed it out!
I’m actually going to buy the book since I’ve heard so much about it because it doesn’t matter how much you love someone as much as how you show it. 🙂
Best of luck to the both of you!
Post # 13
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
Congrats!!! I think it’s easy to forget that the important thing is a happy future marriage, not an engagement/wedding ASAP.
