(Closed) Couple breaks up after RSVP

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: After reading my question, what would YOU do?

    Keep the person we don't know as well on the invite/seating chart

    Keep them on the seating chart but not near former SO

    Remove them from seating chart

    Other, explain below

  • Post # 17
    37 posts
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I agree… it’s awkward but you’re going to have to ask your friends.

    Post # 18
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2016 - Bridgewater Place

    I would contact the person you invited to come to clarify that the ex isn’t coming and remove them from the seating chart. Also, do you want that person to still bring a plus one or would you rather reduce the invite list? make sure you are clear with the person you invited. It would be awkward to assume they are now coming alone and not have dinner for an extra person and then they show up with a friend.

    Post # 19
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Did you already pay for these spots? Are these people now bringing a different +1 to fill their exes spot? If you were mutually friends with both and you knew they were both coming then i would put them at separate tables, however i doubt they will come if they don’t really know you or your Fiance I would ask your friends what they plan on doing. Goodluck!

    Post # 20
    696 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Why don’t you just ask whether they are coming or not?

    Post # 21
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I agree with the consensus here. Don’t guess, just ask each of the 3 individuals if they are planning to come alone or bring someone. You have already extended the +1 to them, so they may be planning on bring someone else instead.

    Post # 22
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    i would keep my numbers as they are and i would remove the 3 people you don’t know so well, but i would let them bring someone else in their place, i think a wedding might be an emotional day for someone newly seperated,

    Post # 23
    7384 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @starfish0116:  This. We had a friend who came to a wedding with his recently exgirlfriend and it was so weird. They stood next to each other all night, but wouldn’t talk and there was some obvious tension between them. Apparently she thought that she could just go on dates with other guys? I don’t know.

    But yes, call and talk to them!

    Post # 24
    9919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Definitely call and ask them.  They might think the +1 is still open and bring someone else, which would make for an awkward situation at the wedding.

    Post # 25
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Why dont you ask them? they are your firends… I think that is the best solution, just say he are you still planning on bringing a date? our final head count is due soon….

    I would not say you no longer have a plus on, just ask them… after all you are inviting them b/c they are your friends

    edt: It would suck if you took off a +1 for your guest and they all ended up bringing dates, b/c you never talked to them about it…. it would be a bit awkward

    Post # 26
    190 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    If I wasn’t close to their significant other I would remove them. 

    Post # 27
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    In the case of Break Ups and the RSVP cards in hand… it is imperative that you call your “friends” and ask if they know what the situation is…

    Otherwise it is a guessing game of possible scenarios…

    1- Friend comes alone

    2- Friend and their Ex come together (because they have a commitment to you)

    3- Friend brings a “Plus One” in place of their Ex (because they assumed they could have a “replacement”).  NOTE – This isn’t a bad thing, it sucks to go to a Wedding alone if you’ve just broken up with someone.  As a Host, I certainly wouldn’t begrude my friend this, particularly so as “the numbers” are accounted for in regards to them having sent in the RSVP (also note, that when I say a Plus One, that could be anyone… Date, Sibbling, another Friend, lol… even their Mother if they are friends of the B&G or the family)

    4- Friend brings a “replacement” Date, and it just so happens that the Ex turns up too !! (afterall you sent them their own Invite addressed to them personally way back when… as per the Rules of Etiquette)

    Phone calls must be made.

    Hope this helps,

    PS… The RIGHT thing to do in this situation, is the Friend’s Ex really should have made the effort to call the Bride / Host and say… “Sorry, due to circumstances, I won’t be attending your Wedding”.  And a Classy person would send a card with best wishes and perhaps a small token gift ($ 20 range… a Gift Card would be a good option).  A gift though is not obligatory, and would be dependent on how well you all knew one another.


    Post # 28
    1258 posts
    Bumble bee

    Call and ask! Don’t assume anything.

    Post # 29
    757 posts
    Busy bee

    Definitely ask them what they plan on doing.  sometimes life is awkward.

    Post # 30
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    Echoing the “ask your friend” part, just explain that seating is tight.  I saw this happen at a wedding we attended where they ended up just leaving the seat, all night my friend had to explain that the empty seat at our table was intended for his horrible ex.

    Post # 31
    1336 posts
    Bumble bee

    Im going with the consensus here on asking each friend, but please remind them seating is tight, and if that ex is coming, they cannot bring a plus 1

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