(Closed) Couple has a child but only wants certain children at reception

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, they get to make the rules. 

Post # 3
46819 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mob2014:  The bride’s family is not being excluded- only the children are being excluded. They are entitled to have  an adult reception if they so choose. The wedding party and their siblings are natural exceptions.

Post # 4
221 posts
Helper bee

mob2014:  I think they have reasonably separated the guests into tiers. There’s a difference between immediate family (son/daughter, sister/brother) and the likely multitude of cousins. It’s a wedding, not a kids’ party. 

Post # 5
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

mob2014:  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having your own child/younger siblings at a wedding, even if other children are not invited. 

That being said, if you are paying for the wedding, I think you should also get a say in who is invited, but there is nothing inherently wrong with the plan that the bride and groom have in place.

Post # 6
36 posts
  • Wedding: December 2014

If they don’t want children there, then respect that. This is “their” day, even if you are paying for it. Maybe not having children there will cause them less stress, or save you money on food that a child may-or-may-not like. 

Post # 7
2644 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I think their plan sounds perfectly reasonable, to be honest.  We’re planning to only have children who are part of the bridal party (my two nephews and my best friend’s two kids who are practically niece and nephew to me) but no others.  Otherwise it will become unmanageable.  Children of the bridal party and younger siblings only seems absolutely fine to me.

Post # 8
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mob2014:  I don’t have a problem with this as long as they are consistent. They are inviting children who are closest on the family tree (their own child, their siblings) and not those further on the family tree (their nieces, nephews and cousins). Obviously they have a much closer relationship with their own child and their own siblings.

They are doing nothing wrong. As a parent myself, I would be very unreasonable if I didn’t realise that the couple’s own child, and the bride’s own siblings, were exceptions to the “no children” rule.

Post # 9
4040 posts
Honey bee

 “As her parents we have two young children and though they are invited we are up in the air.” – Then I guess if you object to the bride and groom’s choice, of how THEY want their own wedding to be, your younger children should sit this one out?

There was a thread earlier today where a man was incensed that his young daughter wasn’t invited to her uncle’s wedding and stated that he would not attend. Almost 100% of the posters disagreed with him and he removed the topic.

“… are we alone feeling that it all children or no children at all …”  You’ll soon find out.

Post # 10
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i think it’s fine.

if i could have had my way i would have had no young children (and by young, i mean under the age of 12) at my wedding, but my husband has several nieces and nephews that love him to pieces, so we invited them, but that was it. my mother in law wanted us to include all the kids in the family, but no way was that going to happen.

Post # 11
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

mob2014:  It’s absolutely acceptable nowadays to have a childfree wedding save for the children of bride and groom.

What we did at my wedding was hire babysitters to supervise a room at the venue where everyone dropped off their kids before the ceremony. We made it into a kids’ party and stocked the room with games, movies, toys, and sleeping bags. Each kid got a bag full of party favors and pizza was ordered for them. The kids had a great time, I hear.

Perhaps you could offer to pay for something like that as a compromise, so parents don’t feel their kids are being excluded or have to worry about arranging babysitting, but the bride and groom also get to keep the ceremony and reception adult-only. (Only problem is, the bride and groom’s kids may want to ditch them for the children’s party!)

Post # 12
24 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t see anything wrong with their plan at all. My ceremony is open to everyone, but the reception will be adult only; with the exception of the children who are in my bridal party (my daughter, cousin and the groomsmen’s daughter)

Post # 13
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

mob2014:  I agree with you.  You can’t have an “adult only” wedding with the exception to… it’s not adult only then is it?  

But’s it’s the excuse you’ll get and I am the minority on this site.  Most people here are in the camp that “it’s my party I can do anything I want to,” which is quite self-centered.

Post # 14
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

They are having their child and their siblings…inviting nieces and nephews and cousins and cousins kids it just gets out of control very quickly. My grandma had 12 children, if I invited all my aunt’s and uncles and my cousins and then allowed cousins children because of an “all or nothing” idea my guest list would probably be about 100 people, and that’s just my family.

I don’t see how you consider it the brides family being ignored when they’re allowing younger siblings even though they clearly want a child free wedding…

Post # 15
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - The Boatshed Restaurant

I don’t have children and my thoughts may change after I do…and as unsavoury or self-centred as some people may find, a wedding is about celebrating a couples love and dedication to each other…kind of hard to if there are kids screaming for attention at inopportune times (the ceremony…eek).

In bringing together families, children count too…but if they’re not old enough to appreciate the day and behave accordingly, I have no problem with opting for a child-free wedding.

How many guests are they indending to invite? How many young (under 16) cousins are there?

I ask because we prefer a child-free wedding…with the exception of our 3 month old Godson who will be breasfed.

We’re inviting first cousins…and I have a lot. For example one group of cousins is four adult siblings and their SO’s (8 adults total). Between these, there are twelve children…there’s no way we can have a 70 person wedding if we include all cousins children. Of course, if it’s a 300 person wedding it’s a different story…as other people have said, a babysitting service could be arranged to look after all little ones.

If this wedding is in June 2015, I’m sure relatives and friends with young children will have ample time to organise babysitters. The parents of these young children, I’m sure, are more than welcome at the reception rather than “all or none” as you may have interpreted. I don’t think the bride’s whole family are being excluded…just the ones too young to appreciate it.

I don’t think you should be “up in the air” or hesitant to attend…under any circumstance. Your child, an adult one, is going to be celebrating one of the biggest moments in their life and you should be there.

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