(Closed) Couple has a child but only wants certain children at reception

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Wedding is not the same thing as Family picnic. For Family Picnic everyone is welcome to bring all extended family includng infants.

Wedding is celebration of bride and groom and for me is not just a ‘party’ or a ‘picnic’ but an occasion for ADULT friends to witness the union. And yes I find it self centered of parents to insit on their children being included.

Nothing like 3 toddlers screaming through the ceremony. Young children dont want to be there and sit still and be quiet…

 

Post # 18
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
mob2014:  I’m confused. In the first post you said the groom was an only child. How can an only child have three nephews?

Anyway, it gets unfair when people at the same “distance” on the family tree are excluded. It is ok to invite their own child and their own siblings, but none of their nieces or nephews. It is not ok to invite (say) the groom’s nieces and nephews but not the bride’s nieces and nephews.

Post # 19
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
mob2014:  i think it’s up to them and you may have to swallow this one! At my wedding in August i had no children except my nephew and god daughter who were paige boy and flower girl (they are 8 months old and nearly two)

i can see why they want their kids there! 

Post # 20
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
aussiemum1248:  yeah. That story changed. First it was just the child of the bride and groom, and the bride’s younger siblings. Now the groom, who originally was an only child a.) has nephews and b.) are invited to the wedding also. Something in the milk ain’t clean with this story, but whatever.

Bottom line: the bride and groom make the rules about who may attend. You are free to disagree and have your own wedding where you get to make the rules.

Post # 21
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yup, for the price of children at my venue, I am very particular about whose children may and may not come. For me, any child that is family may come, friends kids may not. All my friends are fine with this, as our group loves to party kid-free once in a while.

Bride and grooms choice, unfortunately, that’s all there is to it.

Post # 22
Member
7603 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t believe it should be all or nothing. It seems like they drew a very reasonable line for inviting children based on their relationship to the children.

ETA: just saw your update. Your OP said they were only inviting siblings and their own children. Is there a large age difference between his sibling’s kids and her sibling’s kids? Perhaps they are using that as a reason as well.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  .
Post # 23
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with the majority. It’s perfectly ok to invite only the children closest to the bride and groom. 

We have my niece and FI’s niece and nephew in our wedding. They will be the only children in attendance and they will likely be leaving right after dinner as we are having an evening wedding, plus an open bar, which will not be an environment for young children. If we had invited all children in both of our families, that would have been another 46 mouths to feed. At my venue, that’s another $1,600. Quite a chunk of change that could be used on something that Fiance and I really want rather than spending on children that most of whom we’ve never even met more than once.

Post # 24
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am only having our nieces and nephews.  You have to draw the line somewhere. Obviously, they are drawing the line with their child and their nieces and nephews.

Post # 25
Member
13535 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Generally speaking, etiquette suggests making up the guest list based on consistency within categories. Say all children of cousins or none, or no children other than immediate family. I limited  invitations to children to first cousins, nieces and nephews. Personally I would think a single young niece or nephew would take priority over multiple young cousins. 

It’s also very considerate to try to provide child care on or nearby the premises, for all or part of the evening. 

Though it’s their prerogative, contrary to what some seem to believe, there is also  nothing inappropriate about inviting children to a wedding, which is, after all, a family occasion. As a guest I enjoy seeing them. 

Not at issue here, but I totally disagree with including wedding party children only but not those with the same relationship to the couple. 

Post # 26
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I really see nothing wrong with the way they’ve done it.

Post # 27
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We only invited my neice and Nephew who were both in the wedding party.  We had 2 couples “Assume” that their kids were invited when they were not.  We politely expained that the only children attending the wedding were in the wedding party and it was clear.  One couple decided to come child free and the other declined our invite.  It is a perfectly reasonable request.

Post # 28
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It sounds like the cut-off is with siblings and their own child. They get to make that choice.

Post # 28
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My fiance and I will be a blended family. He has a son, I have two daughters. As much as I would love to have everybody’s children, the location we picked for our ceremony and reception is limited to 120 people. Therefore, children would make up over half the guest list if we invited full families, and I feel like the reception would turn into a daycare with all the tots running around, not to mention the people we wouldn’t be able to invite. We plan on our own children being there and the children that are included in the wedding party. You could also do an age cut-off like we are doing. I think we are going to go with 14 and up being invited, because I feel like teenagers aren’t really kids that need supervision, as long as they don’t try anything at the bar ;). Avoiding hurt feelings is all about the wording on the invitation. Instead of “adults-only reception,” you could say, “Due to limited space, children aged 14 and older are delightfully invited.” Also, the wording on the inner envelope needs to be appropriately addressed: Write Mr. and Mrs. Smith on the top line, then list the children that are invited on the second. If none are invited, the address is just to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. If the whole family is invited, Mr. and Mrs. Smith and family. Do not capitalize “family” as it is not a proper noun. If you list children that are invited, the wording on the invite will explain why older children were listed and younger ones were not. Word will get around. If you are especially worried about a certain guest(s), a personal phone call from you, the bride, or the groom can soften hurt feelings. In the end, this really is about the bride and groom and the style of reception they would like to have.

Post # 29
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m of the school that it’s fine to invite some children but not all. My cousin invited her neices and nephews to her wedding, but NOT all of her cousins’ children, there are so many it would have gone from “wedding” to “kiddie birthday party.” She also invited two children she was super close to because she had been their nanny. NOBODY blinked.

Nobody in our family was offended. I’m always shocked by how some people think that every single event is appropriate for their children. As a child, I was never taken to an evening wedding. 

I didn’t want any children at my wedding, I made exceptions for breastfeeding infants. We had two, no other children. The babies did GREAT. We had a quiet room set aside for breastfeeding or if the babies got overstimulated with all the noise – one baby did need a couple of breaks.

One couple declined because their little angels (3 and 5 year old boys) were not invited, and that’s their perogative. I think they thought we would make an exception, but we stood firm. Our wedding was late night and really formal. I don’t know what they thought their little boys would have gained from our wedding – we barely know the children.

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