Couple is already married!

posted 7 months ago in Family
Post # 2
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, or you could give something very small ($15).

Post # 3
5048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

lol, you have no obligations here at all.  If you attend the shower, just bring a token gift like dish towels.  They’re out of their everloving minds.

Post # 4
45649 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yogina Katrina :  You have the option to decline the invitation. If you attend the shower, you really ought to take a gift. Find something small from their registry, or give them something generic like white towels.

Post # 5
489 posts
Helper bee

Yogina Katrina :  I don’t understand how they’re having a shower over a year after their wedding? It’s absolutely in poor taste and looks like a gift grab. Politely decline the invitation and move on. 

Post # 6
2940 posts
Sugar bee

I’d have a “prior engagement” that day. It’s perfectly ok that they did things the way they did them but they cannot then expect all the traditional benefits after the fact. Something tells me that summer “wedding” won’t even take place. It’s awfully early for a shower for a summer wedding.

Post # 7
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

I imagine you aren’t the only one that feels this way. Maybe 2 matching coffee mugs..

Post # 8
1396 posts
Bumble bee

what would be appropriate? Lol, how about not having a registry or telling people they want gifts at all since they’re already married!

Post # 9
597 posts
Busy bee

I’d have other plans and decline the invitation.

Post # 10
733 posts
Busy bee

If it bugs you, just don’t go. No fuss necessary. 🙂

Post # 11
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

It feels like a cash grab, it looks like a cash grab, it even smells like a cash grab. I guess that’s because it is a cash grab.

I’d find myself suddenly already busy that day. 

Post # 12
958 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yogina Katrina :  I agree with PPs. You’ve already put enough time and money into this couple. Just don’t go to the shower. I wouldn’t.

Post # 13
6906 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t attend or give another gift, and as an older, more experienced relative, I might say a gentle word or three to the couple about how their belated shower  and other actions makes them look gift-grabby.

Post # 14
3916 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yogina Katrina :  In these types of situations, either you go to the shower and bring something small or you decline and don’t attend at all. Getting bent out of shape about it really isn’t going to do anyone any good. I don’t think the presumption is that *you* specifically have deep pockets. However, what were the circumstances that led to the niece eloping in the first place? Lack of funds? An ill relative? Perhpas they eloped for reasons important to the couple at the time, but now that they have the funds or a situation has resolved itself, they both decided they *did* want the typical wedding experience. 

Also, is this shower being thrown by the couple themselves, or is someone hosting it for them? Perhaps the bride had no control over the invitations. I think when anything happens surrounding the bridal shower, people are quick to blame the bride, but if your niece is like me, I didn’t even know the date until invitations arrived. My bridal shower was an absolute surprise from start to finish, so I would have been a little irked if a realtive had been walking around mad at me over something I didn’t even know was occurring. Also, perhpas whoever is throwing it for the bride and groom are doing so because *they* want to. 

Ultimately, go or don’t go, it’s really that simple. If you feel like you’ve given enough, don’t give a gift, however, I will say this: Attending the shower empty handed is equally as rude, in my opinion, especially if you will be eating free food and drinking free beverages. So if you attend, I would suggest a small gift. 

Post # 15
1831 posts
Buzzing bee

I would say I can’t make it, that is the day I get my dog dipped.

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