(Closed) couples counseling experiences?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

while Darling Husband and i didn’t do formal counseling, we did a pre-marital program through our church that paired us with a mentor couple as well. each week, the group focused on a topic and then we would follow up with our mentor couple the next week on that topic. my gf and i were talking about the program (we did it at the same time) and we talked about how we still use the tools we learned (finances, communication, etc) and how we would recommend it to anyone else in our position!

sorry i don’t have a technical experience to share, but because of that experience, i wouldn’t hesistate to go back for a refresher! 

Post # 4
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

double post.

Post # 8
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I haven’t done couples therapy because I’ve never felt truly in need of it (though I did go to individual therapy for an eating disorder as well as dealing with the depression that comes along with a life long illness) but I have a good amount of knowledge of the psych field and it really interests me…

I was wondering what it was that you didn’t like about the Gottman approach? I don’t have an opinion about it either way, but I was curious how it hindered you? It is a relatively new approach to couples counseling… 

Just curious. You don’t have to answer if you don’t like. ^_^ 

Post # 10
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like I said, I’ve never done couples therapy, but I’ve found in my individual counseling that sometimes you have to go to a few therapists before you find one you really click with. Other than that, I don’t know what advice to give you. I’ve seen couples counseling help people out before, but I’ve never really questioned them too much about the therapists methods… 

I’m personally not a huge fan of religious counseling since most pastors/priests/general men of god don’t have TOO much of an insight on the human psyche and the way the human brain operates. For people who don’t have HUGE problems and are simply learning how to live with each other for the first time and compromise it may be beneficial, but for people on the verge of divorce, I don’t know…sometimes there are underlying issues with each individual person that don’t normally get addressed in religious counseling…that’s all just my personal opinion, though. 

Post # 12
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I have done the pre-cana as well with my hubby. The key to getting any help from that is really to HELP YOURSELF. You can’t just drag yourself to class and wait for it to be over. You have to consciously make it a point to USE all that information you are given on a DAILY basis FOREVER. If you do it for a few days, weeks, etc. chances are you aren’t doing yourselves any favours.

You absolutely MUST keep working at your relationship CONSISTENTLY AND CONSTANTLY. No other way to ‘fix’ it. It’s not even like doing regular maintenance that you do on a vehilce. It’s maintanance CONSISTENTLY. You NEVER stop nurtiring some part or other of yourselves and your relationship TOGETHER. It’s not easy but it then becomes second nature and that creates stronger, fulfilling, and happy marriages.

This is what I have learned from personal experience.

Post # 14
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  My Fiance and I took a Pre-Cana class, as well as took the FOCCUS test. Fiance is Catholic, I am Protestant. I’m not going to deny that there was quite a bit of underlying religion focus–there was–but we found a LOT of things that were helpful.

 A deacon from FI’s church administered the FOCCUS to us. We met last night to go over our results. We did fairly well, but I noticed something interesting about the scoring. Even if Fiance and I had the same answer, if it didn’t match the “preferred answer”, they still docked us points (at least, that’s what it looked like from glancing over our results–other bees can correct me if I’m wrong!). We talked over a few of the questions with the deacon (his wife was supposed to be there as well, but she had to step out for something).

  The Pre-Cana class was really helpful. A married couple led it. We did ours over two Saturdays, five hours each day. They were nice, but cheesy. We had a workbook with a ton of questions. I agree with what @Sasha2011:  said. If you don’t go into it with an attitude to help your marriage, you won’t get anything out of it. Even though Fiance and I have been together for nearly 8 years by the time we get married, we answered each and every question. We didn’t want to think we knew what the other thought, and end up being wrong! The financial and in-laws sections were the most helpful, for us. I never felt like I was the “bad guy” as being a non-Catholic going through all of this.

  Hope this helps!

Post # 15
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So your question is a great one. It seems that a lot of bees are very quick to recommend couples counseling whenever there is an issue – and I think that’s great and very healthy! But rarely have I read success stories from bees and couples who were in counseling, or even just the stories at all.

So we had an initial consultation with our counselors – primarily for the purpose of pre-marriage therapy, but in general I think it will be a healthy thing fore us to do. And while I’m not sure of the type of approach our therapist used/will use, we did find the practice through searches online for licensed marriage and family therapists, which was important to us as they would have the experience necessary. Back to our initial meeting…our counselor walked us through a series of questions about our history, outlook, what we like about each other, what irks us about each other, religion, stress management, anger management, etc. Based upon that, she matched us with the therapist at the practice that best fits with our needs. We meet with her for the first time on Friday, and I will try to follow up with this thread then.

Interested to hear other stories! 

Post # 16
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@kate02121:  That sounds like a really neat program! One thing I’ve noticed with counseling is that if you do not click with your therapist, you might as well not even go. It’s so important to feel comfortable with them, to feel like they are listening and can help.

 

We did ours as a requirement to have a Catholic deacon speak at our wedding. FI’s parents are also very devout in their faith, and it was important to them that we take these classes. Fiance, at first, didn’t think it was necessary. We almost didn’t do it, because of some ceremony glitches that occurred in March. We ended up scheduling them. We went to the first class hoping it wasn’t going to be a waste of time, but willing to put forth the effort.

Fiance and I discussed this, and we’re so happy we did. There were a lot of things that we already knew, but a few things did come up that made us have a little more in-depth conversation. It wasn’t anything that would break us up at this point in our lives, but if it had gone unnoticed, who knows what would have happened? For example, we had talked a little about finances. We know how much each other makes, we have an idea of how the other spends, but it’s much more than that.

I look at it as preventative medicine. I think we would have been fine if we wouldn’t have discussed these things, but I think it will also help that first year (and beyond) go much more smoothly.

The topic ‘couples counseling experiences?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors