(Closed) Couples Shower. Lot's of Questions!!!

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
3764 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I had a couples shower, and I am throwing one Saturday for my SIL. They are a lot of fun, and much more laid back than traditional showers. Mine was a stock the bar theme, and the one I’m throwing will be date night themed. It didn’t have the feel of a traditional shower, but frankly that was ok by me! It was more fun! It was nice to celebrate with DH, too.

I wouldn’t invite people that aren’t invited to the shower, and technically I think you have plenty of say in the guest list since it’s in your honor. I would tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel and that you’d be much happier and at ease if these extra people weren’t invited.

Post # 4
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is not coming from me, I actually do not care what you do but I have heard some pretty nasty opinions on the matter.

I went to one couple’s shower and a few of the men did not want to go. They made comments like the bride must have put the groom up to it.

Some other people see it as the bride being co-dependent. 

This is what I would do personally for a couple’s shower. I would try to make it interesting for the men by providing beer and maybe a sporting event. Go about it as more of a “party” then an actual “shower”. I wouldn’t do games either. Its up to you though.

Post # 5
3764 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

View original reply
@Cady:  Oh yeah, +1. There were no cheesy games at mine, nor will there be any at the one I’m throwing. Beer, bbq, and fun.

Post # 6
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Personally, I love when people do women-only bridal & baby showers. I feel like we don’t have enough female bonding activities anymore. That said, all our family showers are co-ed now. They’re usually BBQs and don’t look much like a traditional shower, but sometimes we’ll play the traditional games & it’s always funny to see the men do it. It also lends some extra competition, because you know women are all pros at the ones we’ve played a million times. 

As for inviting people who are not invited to the wedding- I think it’s a really bad idea. My friend invited her coworker to her shower, but only after the coworker ASKED about it, knowing that she’s having a small, family only wedding. So she knew the coworker isn’t expecting a wedding invitation. Inviting to the shower but not the wedding looks like a gift-grab even to me, and I usually don’t care about that stuff. 

Post # 7
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Bachelor Party & Bachelorette Party are similar indeed (think you understand what they are)

Bridal Showers are meant to “shower” the Bride with Gifts for her new life… and traditionally have included a lot of household items with stuff for the Kitchen, Bathroom, Bedroom (Kitchen Gadgets, Small Appliances, Recipe Books, Towels, Linens etc)

Sexist… nah, I don`t feel that way… just a lot of fun for women to have.

Couples Showers work too.  They tend to be more popular with people the couples age than older folks.  And often held for couples who have lived together for a long time and don`t need a lot of household stuff.

Themes for Couples Showers tend to be for things that BOTH the Bride & Groom enjoy together… so Backyard Entertaining, BBQing & Grilling, Camping, Home Renovation, Wine, Travelling etc

Guests tend to be couples… again around the couple`s ages… so often the party is thrown by a friend / peer

As for Etiquette (resident etiquette snob here)

The Shower your Mom has planned (as you describe it here) has some major Etiquette issues.

First and foremost, as the MOB, she should not be Hosting the party… as it looks like she is trying too hard to score you stuff (sister, aunt, cousin… they area all ok as Hosts)

Second, Guests at the Shower should be also folks coming to the Wedding.  Invites should not be extended beyond that circle (otherwise, again it looks gift grabby)

There are exceptions in that if the Bride belongs to a social group, they may decide to throw a Shower in her honour.  These social groups could be… Work – a Club the Bride Belongs to – a group of Neighbours who knew her since she grew up – OR the Church Ladies at her congregation.  In all of the cases tho, the Host would be one of those members.  And the Invites would only be inclusive to the members of the group

So your Mom wanting to cross boundaries here, and invite others who aren’t Invited to the Wedding, but part of one of these social groups would be incorrect (poor etiquette)… the reason being that it puts them on the spot when the conversation turns to the Wedding (which Guests will do) as they aren’t included in that.  So they appear as out-casts.  BEYOND RUDE

Your Mom if she really wants to help, should get herself a copy of a good Etiquette Book… there will be many occasions in the planning process where it will come in handy.  And as the MOB, it will help her know exactly what her role is as far as Hostessing, and how to do it with elegance & flair.  Nothing classier than a MOB who understands how this stuff works, and can make her daughter proud, IMO.

Hope this helps,


Post # 8
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m going to do a “Jack and Jill” shower, most of my friends are men. It really doesn’t make sense for m e to have it any other way. I’d feel lonely if my friends weren’t at my shower. 


We’re going to have a casual BBQ shower in July

Post # 9
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I just had my shower this past weekend and it wasn’t couples but my Fiance went with me. He didn’t want to miss out on the brunch or the bloody mary bar! His sister was the one throwing it and several of his family members were there so he didn’t feel awkward or anything, and it didnt actually feel strange at all for him to be sitting next to me helping open presents. Most of them were household items that are really for him too. Although it was pretty funny to open the lingerie I got in front of him, his mom and his grandmother (not to mention the gag-gift vibrator). His family is luckily very laid back! We didn’t do any games though, I think he would have been bored if we had. 

But anyway! I think couples showers are a great idea.

Post # 10
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

We had a couple’s shower. The reason was all of DH’s family was local so they made up 90% of the guest list. Plus, we were only back in town for a few weeks for the wedding. Everyone wanted to see both of us; it would have been weird not to have him. Ours was lots of fun! 

Per your second question – I wouldn’t invite anyone not invited to the wedding. Your mother may think it’s ok but sadly you’re the one who’s going to appear “gift grabby.”

Post # 12
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i read the title and thought this was about showering with your spouse….

Post # 15
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@indecisivebride89:  haha you can tell my mind is in the gutter today. 

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