(Closed) Couples who don’t actually make the donation…

posted 10 years ago in Favors
Post # 17
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

This is completely disturbing.

Post # 18
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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@UpstateCait: in that case, i would have called them out on it when they told me they didn’t make the donation, after they told everyone they did. you can be passive aggressive about it (donating yourself), or you could call them out directly on their behavior and see what on earth their excuse was.

Post # 19
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow, I can’t believe people do that … we are planning to donate instead of purchasing favors, but it’s to an organization we actually care about, and WANT to donate to! It shouldn’t be a way to get out of paying for something!

Post # 20
Member
1682 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry if this is threadjacking but I need clarification with this whole process. When donating in this situation, do you have to donate in EACH persons name? Or can you just give a lump sum (based on pp x # of guests) and that’s perfectly acceptable? If you give a lump sum, whose name does it go under?

Because I’m thinking 2$ in each persons name isn’t a whole lot, but 2$ per person times 85 guests (lets say) is a decent sized donation (170$).

Post # 22
Member
1682 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@UpstateCait: thank you for clearing that up! I was just so confused over the whole logistics of it, ha. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
3315 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Actually, I have an issue with donations as favors altogether.  A donation is not an alternative to favors.  You could give favors and still make a donation.  You could do without favors and still not make a donation.  And if you make a donation and don’t have favors, the donation could be more, less, or the same as the favors you would otherwise have had.

If you want to make a donation, why don’t you just make it?  Why do you need to announce it to your guests, and act as though it is a favor to them (even though they did not even get to choose the charity)?

Post # 25
Member
1682 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@2dBride: those are all really good points, and I could see going for a small gift favour & also a notice of a donation to have both options available.

but I think the reasons with going that route in the first place is because either the charity being donated to is meaningful to the couple in some way and they’d like to share that with their guests, or maybe its just simply because they’ve heard the horror stories about traditional favours and they want the money they would have spent on something “traditional” to not be wasted, and to go to a good use/cause. Another reason could be that they are an extremely socially concerned couple to begin with and they just wanted to incorporate something they would do anyways into the day that is dedicated to their lives as a couple. Also, and this would be one of my reasons – I don’t usually have, say, 200$ (as a whole amount, not payments or anything) just lying around to be donated to a charity of my choosing…but in planning a wedding, I do. And because I would have spent that money anyways on favours, so why not just donate it?

I would make a donation equivalent to what I had budgeted for favours, personally. I think that’s the only “right” thing to do if you’re having them in lieu of.

Post # 26
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok I’m just going to throw this out there: but maybe these couples had every intention of making a donation in the guest’s honor, but maybe something came up. As well as you think you know someone, you don’t know every aspect of their finances. I don’t think we could ever be 100% positive  they were actually trying to mislead their guests.  I’m sure that there are some people who do try to dupe their guests, but I’m just saying maybe it’s better to give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

Post # 27
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@Miss Steinbeck: Although I understand your point, the original poster says that she talked to the couples in question and neither had any intention on following through with their promise. If the donation was simply delayed, then that would be fine, but in this situation they were being purposly deceitful.

Post # 28
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

What is the point of this post except to make a few people you know look pretty bad to a bunch of internet strangers? I’m sure this doesn’t happen often, and if it does, who cares? It is their karma, not yours.

Post # 29
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@2dBride: If you want to make a donation, why don’t you just make it?  Why do you need to announce it to your guests, and act as though it is a favor to them (even though they did not even get to choose the charity)?

GREAT point. I had never really thought about it before, but you’re totally right. The whole concept is rather bizarre and unnecessary.

Post # 31
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow! I thought about doing donations instead of favors, but really I decided we don’t have the money to do it. So we’re just going without favors at all. I can’t imagine lying about donating to a charity when I full well never intend to.

I mean…if you can’t afford favors, just don’t do them. You dont need to explain yourself. 

On a side note…the more I think about donations as favors, the weirder I think it is. Because donating money to causes is kind of personal and I can’t really see myself being happy the couple getting married chose to donate to the Republican Party or the NRA when I’m really liberal. It’s not in “my name” then if it’s something I don’t believe in…it’s in YOURS…

Haha sorry…tangent over.

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