Post # 1
So I’ve been hearing this phrase a lot lately, mainly on the wedding blogs/sites. And I just wanted to ask: isn’t it physically impossible to “just know” that you and your partner will be together forever? I mean, we’re human, right? No one can predict the future. You can feel like you’re meant to be forever, you can make a pretty good guess at it, but no couple truly knows whether they’ll get divorced or not.
I guess I understand using the phrase as a slightly exaggerated metaphor, like telling Fiance that he’s the best guy in the whole world or something. But the reason I find it a bit frustrating is because in the past few weeks I’ve seen several couples who repeatedly insisted that they “just knew” break up (both online and IRL).
Personally am marrying Fiance because he treats me well, because we’re financially stable, because we have a ton of those crazy-in-love moments and even more of the calm happy-in-love moments. Sure, I often feel like I know that we’ll be together forever, but it’s just a feeling, not actual knowledge.
Post # 3
I don’t think that when people say they “just know,” they mean “this is the one I’ll never leave.” They probably mean “this is the person I’m going to marry and make that commitment to.” Subtle difference. That’s how I read it when I see it anyway.
Post # 4
I had this feeling for a LONG time.
I’ve known Fiance since I was 6 and he was 10. I always had a “crush” on him. Over the years we kind of lost touch. While with my ex boyfriend, I always thought “if I marry “bob”, I’ll never know if I had a chance with “matt””. It was ALWAYS on my mind. I felt like there was something there and I KNEW I had to find out.
We both ended up being in FI’s sisters wedding (we’re good friend) and thats when the relationship started. I made the first move to let him know I liked him and the rest is history. I guess I always knew or always had a feeling…
Post # 5
Well, yeah. Obviously none of us can tell the future (and if you can, let me know! I have some questions…). I agree with @minutiae, that the feeling of “just knowing” refers to the feeling that this is the person that at that moment, you want to be with for the forseeable future and who you think you’ll be with for a lifetime. Sometimes that works out, and sometimes it doesn’t.
Post # 6
I agree. It’s a romantic notion, and I certainly think that it corresponds to real romantic love, but we can’t know what will happen in the future. Obviously there are things all of us just wouldn’t stay with our partner through (alcoholism leads to abuse, etc).
Post # 7
At the end of the first date, I came home and told my roommate that I thought Fiance was the guy I was going to marry. When she said how I said I just knew. What I meant when I said it is that every quality he had exhibited in the time we spent together was the qualities I wanted in my life partner. We had hung out twice and had a 12 hour first date, there was just something about him that had me convinced.
Post # 8
Different people tend to make decisions in different ways, a phenomenon which is readily apparent if you have read about personality tests such as the Myers-Briggs. The “you just know” feeling you are describing is associated with people who make decisions intuitively, with “their gut.” That phenomenon of “you just know” might better be described a strong, overwhelming feeling of firm confidence, strength and peace at being associated with your love. Fiance and I both make lots of decisions with “our gut” and we definitely “just knew” – we had that feeling of absolute confidence in our decision to be with each other forever right from the very beginning. Sorry for all the scare quotes. 🙂
Post # 9
Oh, did I misunderstand the question? I thought it was “just knew that you’d be together forever?”
I had a strong feeling that R and I would have a long, committed relationship and would get married. And I can easily see us old and wrinkled together – that’s the only way I’ve seen myself in a long time. But I still don’t think I “just know” we’ll be together forever if that makes sense. There are just too many variables, most of them unpleasant.
Post # 10
The context I hear that phrase the most is from couples that are getting married not long into their relationship, and so I guess I think of it as their way of defending their decision to get married fast. I do think that there’s a feeling that comes with meeting the right person, but, as you said, I think that feeling is based off of different factors in the relationship. The night I met my husband I thought to myself, “that’s the guy I want to marry”, and then I spent the next 3 years making sure that my first impression was a correct one 😉
Post # 11
i’ll be honest, my eyes roll back everytime i read it. I just know that I want to marry my Fiance but I cant say I know the future, and the second someone pretends to I can’t help but think they sound childish rather than romantic or optimistic. I’m just too literal into the way I read into things.
Post # 12
I agree 100%. When I hear someone say they “just know”, I’m always very happy for them bc I imagine that’s a wonderful feeling. But I don’t believe them. Because like everyone’s said, there’s so many things life can throw at you and the strongest of couples can struggle. Some couples who “just know” last, and others don’t. Just the way it is.
Post # 13
I always thought of it as a moment that “I knew he was what I wanted.” It’s like that photo of what you picture your husband to be like and he fit that bill. I always hated that notion of love at first sight but as soon as I met mine, I knew there was something about him and knew I wanted a chance to date him.
The nice thing is I was right… though there have been a lot of guys I’ve wanted to date but didn’t get that ‘something about him’ feeling. So I don’t know. It’s cheesy but I don’t think it’s a given.
Post # 14
I think that a lot of times it is just a feeling, not a true certainty, but I think if you take that feeling and you combine it with a lot of really hard work to make your relationship healthy and fulfilling, it can come true.
Post # 15
i don’t think people really mean they “just know” in a knowledge based idea, like how they know what they are going to do later today, or know who the president is. i think it’s more of a combination of feelings that’s pretty hard to articulate otherwise. “i just knew” is kind of a poor expression for that but if you hear someone actually talking about it, oftentimes they stumble upon words before throwing out the “i just knew.”
yes i’m one of those people who “just knew” that my mister was the guy i’m going to marry – will we get divorced? i certainly hope not but i know that we would do whatever it took to keep our love and marriage working. no one knows what the future holds but
Post # 16
It irks me as well. Besides what’s already been said it’s the just part of the phrase that gets me. To me it implies that no specific reason, that it’s only a feeling. A feeling is not enough to base a marriage on.