(Closed) Couples who split household chores- how do you split them?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

This used to be a frequent point of frustration in my house since I felt like I was always the one vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, putting away dishes, etc., so earlier this year we agreed to rotate. One week I’ll do the floors, he’ll do the bathroom, the following week we switch. We were already pretty fair with cooking (whoever doesn’t cook cleans up), buying groceries, taking out trash, and we do our own laundry, so coming to that agreement has really helped and is working well. He usually is the one to cut the grass, I’ll maintain the gardens, we both shovel the snow, so I feel like overall our household duties are pretty evenly split and fair now.

You are in a good position to set the expectations now before you live together, instead of after one of you gets to a point where you have to say something out of annoyance. 😂

Post # 17
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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DancinDarlin :  ugh I wish it worked better but I say I do about 80% of everything inside the house. 100% of the heavy stuff like washing the floor/vaccumming/bathroom ect and 80% of everyday stuff like cooking, dishes, ect.

He does his own laundry, and 100% of the outside chores ( maintaing the pool, shoveling, cutting the grass) and also most house projects.

Its not equal but DH could basically be a hoarder and I can’t live like that so it is what it is lol. He doesn’t expect me to do everything and would clean eventually but I’m not the type who can stand dirty dishes in the sink for days on end 

 

 

Post # 18
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

FH and I both work long hours.  I work 40 a week and he does construction that are usually 10-12 hour days. During this time I’ll cook and get dishes going. Weekends Sunday morning we pick up the house together. Usually he will do kitchen and the living room.  I do bathroom and bedroom. ( we only live in 500 square feet. With his job though he sometimes gets a week off here and there. During that time he will take care of the cooking and dishes and I mainly stick with laundry always. ( wouldn’t trust him to do it lol )

Post # 19
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We each have “rooms.”  He does the bathrooms (we have 2.5 bathrooms, but we primarily use one, so the others are super easy).  He is more particular about cleaning the bathrooms and uses stronger chemicals than I would, so that’s why those are his rooms.  I do the kitchen because I think I do a more thorough job.  I do the dining room, which isn’t bad except that’s where the mail collects and he has a tendency to just put everything in a pile and keep moving it around, whereas I go through it and actually get rid of the piles. He does the living room (dusting, vacuuming, usually doesn’t require more than that).  I dust and vaccum our bedroom.  It ends up being pretty equal.  

When we first moved in together we had a lot of problems with cleaning.  He was always willing to do his fair share, but not always on a consistent basis.  I like the entire house to be clean once a week, and then try to keep it clean for the rest of the week.  He is fine with some rooms being clean and some rooms being messy.  It’s still sometimes an issue where he’ll like half-clean a room, and that drives me nuts.  

We used to rotate rooms, but we decided to stick with the current arrangement because it works fairly well.  

We do our own laundry.  I did all of it for a while, but he’s terrible with laundry and I stopped.  He will wear a shirt for like 10 minutes and then throw it in the laundry basket, or he won’t fold and put away his clean clothes, so his dirty clothes have nowhere to go but on the floor.  His closet is usually very sparse because his clothes are in some combination of on the floor/still in progress hogging the washer or dryer/sitting in the laundry basket clean and wrinkly.  It drives me crazy, but I try to ignore it for my sanity. 

Cooking is a pretty perfect 50/50 split, and I’m thankful for that.  

As far as cleaning up the cooking mess, we clean our own mess on the days that we cook.  At one point we tried cleaning up when the other person cooked, but that ends up not being fair at all.  I try to clean as I go so by the time the food is done, there’s not much left to do.  But when he cooks he has like every pot and pan and dish pulled out, every spice jar, a mess on every counter surface.  By the time he’s done cooking it’s a whole ordeal to clean it up.  That’s his choice, and I’m not going to clean up after it.  

Post # 20
Member
9940 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I do most of the cooking.  We go out at least once a week and my husband likes to grill on the weekends so it balances out.  We help each other with kitchen clean-up. 

For household chores it’s not much of an issue anymore because we hired a housekeeper for the heavy stuff (vacuuming, mopping, dusting, cleaning the bathrooms, appliances, windows, etc.)  I do light cleaning daily, in between the times she comes, because I dislike clutter and things being in disarray.  We each do our own laundry / dry cleaning duties.

My husband handles our finances and does most of the outdoor / yardwork / car stuff.  We have an acre yard so there’s quite a bit to keep him busy. He takes out the trash and recycling most of the time.

I handle taking care of the spa, testing the water, balancing the chemicals and such, and he does the heavy part like taking off / putting the cover back on. 

All in all I feel we have a fair balance, we help each other.  Since we both work full-time we try to make sure the other person isn’t too overburdened with chores, and hire help as needed, so we can also have some fun time (travel, hobbies, etc.) in there.

Post # 21
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

Day-to-day I do most of the cooking and cleaning such as vacuuming, dusting, washing of surfaces. DH generally cleans after I’m done cooking, and is in charge of outside chores and the litter boxes. We each do our own laundry.

We’ll have big ‘cleaning days’ every once in a while where we clean the whole house together.

Overall, I do more cleaning than he does, but he has another job so he often works in the evenings. I find our arrangement to be very fair to the both of us.

Post # 22
Member
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We do it based on what each of us likes or at least doesn’t mind doing and/or who gets to a task first. I do the cooking because I absolutely love to cook. I also don’t mind laundry, sweeping up, organizing and decorating so I’ll do that. My BF will make/put up shelves and more “heavy duty” stuff because he doesn’t mind those tasks. As for chores like feeding the cat and scooping his litter, it’s whoever gets to it first or whoever has more time that day. We have a cleaning service that comes in twice a month, so that really helps with tasks that we both hate like scrubbing floors and toilets. We’ve never planned it out, but we are both devoted to making sure we have a calm and clean place to live, so it works out.

Post # 23
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
DancinDarlin :  Our housework seems a bit lopsided, and we are working on that. What I do:

100% of Laundry (except the occassional “crap I am already at work can you put the load in the dryer”)

100% of cooking

95% of dishes and cleaning kitchen

85% of house cleaning in general

50% of dog related chores/things

90% of Shopping (he usually just comes with, and picks up the occasional thing I need for dinner that night)

He does:

50% of dog related chores

100% snow removal

100% lawn maitenence (except if he is stuck at work and it must be mowed, then I do it)

100% garage and car maitenence

 

I am getting frustrated doing 99% of the indoor chores, and we have talked about it. He gives justification that he has a very physical job ( he does maitenence for a farm) he doesnt have the energy or the patience to help me with indoor chores. He also says he knows the outside stuff better, and would have to be taught how to do inside stuff. All I want is someone to put away the laundry after its folded, or unload the dishwasher, or god forbid, LOAD THE DISHWASHER!

 

We will get there. He has promised to help with Laundry tonight, so we will see how that goes….I have several loads to fold and put away.

 

Post # 24
Member
6952 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

His chores: yardwork, fixing stuff, cooking dinner Tuesday and Thursday

My chores: laundry, taking out the trash, cooking dinner Monday and Wednesday

Together: we switch off doing dishes (though I’m sure I do them more often than he does), Friday, Saturday and Sunday for dinner we either eat leftovers, order in or go out…there’s probably more but that’s all I can think of at the moment…

Other cleaning: we hired a cleaning lady! Best money I’ve ever spent! 🙂

Post # 25
Member
9358 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
DancinDarlin :  we both work and I’ll admit I do the bulk of the cooking and cleaning and I definitely manage it. I’ll leave him a “honey-do” list to tackle before I get home from work since he’s 7-3 and I’m 9-5, but without that he wouldn’t take the initiative very often. He is generally in charge of emptying the dishwasher (I hate it and I don’t know why), taking out the garbage/recycling, picking up dog poop from the yard, and helping with laundry when I ask. I do all of the real dusting/vacuuming/toilet scrubbing though. 

Post # 26
Member
3531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

DH cooks and takes care of the outside (landscaping and cutting the grass) and I clean and do the laundry.  However, DH steps up most of the time and helps me with cleaning and laundry whenever I have had an exhausting week and been slacking.  

Post # 27
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

We both do 50% of most chores and our own laundry. We don’t monitor it, it just works out that way. I am more fussy about changing bed linen so I probably do that more than him but there’s stuff he does more, like washing up. Sometimes he might be a bit lazy because he hasn’t noticed or has forgotten but I remind him and he’ll get onto it. If we’re doing a big clean I’ll write a list of what needs to be done and we’ll split the jobs. I usually give him the crappy ones like cleaning the dog poop up haha! 

Post # 28
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My fiance had a couple shoulder surgeries and I fell into doing more of the housework for the last year, but we’ve been phasing that out again!

We’re both full time law students but I’m also working part time, so he’s been picking up more and more tasks. He’s been dusting and vacuuming, doing most of the laundry, and planning our weekly groceries (we order delivery through PeaPod). We split cooking/dishes about 50-50 and I clean the bathroom and fold laundry.  I like to go to the gym in the morning, and he’s been waking up at 6am with me so he can make breakfast, coffee, and our lunches while I’m at the gym. He’s the best! 

Post # 29
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
DancinDarlin :  I LOVE and am the better cool so I took on doing the cooking. It if for any reason I’m tired of fed up I’ll ask him and he always will and he will google an interesting recipe.

because I cook fresh every day he does the washing up everyday. Then I do the clothes wash and hang it out and fold away but I HATE cleaning the kitchen and bathroom so that’s his thing and he is good at it. I like to hoover so I Hoover and dust.

we do a large clean once a week. On a Saturday usually morning. When we first moved intogether we discussed what we liked doing/hated/didn’t mind.

It works, we never argue about it. I don’t like dishes left in sink so he does it as I cook or after. 

He is also amazing at fixing and making things so anything that breaks he gets on it but if he doesn’t he knows it will annoy me as he can fix plumbing, boilers, broken jacket rails etc. When I want a new table or seen a cool lamp to replicate I’ll draw the design as I’m good at art and ideas and he will then make it. It’s all about team work 😊

Post # 30
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

I do the cooking and cleaning right now, but that’s because I’m unemployed and he has a high-pressure job (and now the pressure of being the sole income). When I get a job again, I’ll still do the cooking and most of the cleaning, but he’ll go back to taking out the garbage, the recycling, emptying the dishwasher, etc (he does do these things sometimes, but I would feel bad having him working all day and then coming home and doing more work when I’m not doing the same). 

 

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