(Closed) Couples who split household chores- how do you split them?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

He cooks, I do laundry. We both clean.  I pick up regularly.  He tends to “binge clean.”  I do a lot of the “fix it” stuff around the house.  It works for us. 

Post # 32
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center

We just naturally split the household chores based on who is bothered most by them not being done. I do the laundry (DH absolutely hates folding clothes and I always have the refold them anyway), the dishes (a sink full of dishes bothers me so much), and general dusting (DH doesn’t even notice dust). He does the lawn/outside maintenance, washes the cars, and vacuums (I absolutely hate vacuuming). We both cook dinner together and go grocery shopping on Sunday morning.

Post # 33
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We really try to make a conscious effort of not keeping tabs on who does what. I fear that can lead to resentment if it slips into comparing who carries more of the load. We both work full time and each make an effort to do our fair share depending on who has more available time at any given time. I have found that certain tasks have naturally been designated though like my husband is the one that usually takes out the trash, and I am the one that tends to clean the bathrooms.

Post # 34
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Normally it would be around 50:50 and a lot of give and take.  If one person is really tired the other person does chore stuff.  Recently, after hurting a nerve in my back I’ve been out of action and so hubby has had to do a lot, but I’ll make it up to him when I’m better.

lovelyruby : It’s a similar approach to yourself.

Post # 35
5078 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I do most chores because DH works longer hours than me and 6 days a week at a more stressful and tiring job. I mostly just clean on Saturdays (all the laundry, vacuuming, etc.) when he’s working and we both rest on Sundays. I don’t do a whole lot of chores during the week aside from cooking and dishes and some general tidying. Our system is basically that he mows the lawn and he also does whatever I need him to do. He’s pretty good about that, if I ask him to do something, he’ll do it. That said, neither of us are neat freaks, so we don’t stress out too much if the house is a little dirty. 

Post # 36
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
DancinDarlin :  We split daily duties (cooking, loading dishwasher, taking care of dogs, etc.) but I am the one who does the weekend house cleaning because I am the one who can do that in a reasonable amount of time (hours rather than days).

For daily duties we split it according to our natural strengths. He loves cooking and is particular about how the dishwasher is loaded so that is generally his thing. I love taking care of the pups and keeping the house in general order (no mail piling up, etc.) while he finds it stressful, so that is my thing. 

For weekend cleaning, DH offers to help but he is so particular about cleaning that he gets distracted by dust he sees in some obscure place and then spends 6+ hours cleaning that space and the rest of the house doesn’t get done. So, it is easier for me to just do it on my own. His office and the garage are all his to deal with though. He also does the mowing and major tree trimming.

Post # 37
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

My husband doesn’t work, but he cares for elderly parents, which means being ready to drop everything to do what they need him to do. I’m out of the house commuting/working for around 55 hours a week, so he does most of the chores. We never sat down and said ok, you do this and I’ll do this though, we’ve just naturally gotten in to a habit where we’ll both do what is needed, when it’s needed. I’ll basically do any household chore if I see it needs doing and I have time, or if I see that he’s been rushed off his feet more than usual, otherwise he’ll do it. Often in the evenings & weekends we’ll do chores together, cook together, hang the washing out together, one cleans the kitchen whilst the other vacuums etc. Probably the only chore that is more his than any other is taking out the rubbish!

Post # 38
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think for us it just varys. Somedays I’ll wash and put away dishes, Vacum, sweep and dust ect.. and other days my hubby will do it. Usually on weekends i’ll wash and put away dishes, vacum and dust, and he’ll do the laundry and I’ll fold. He’ll also mop and take out garbage.

Post # 39
9567 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

He mostly does the laundry, I fold it. I wash pots and pans. I load dishwasher, he unloads. He cleans gunk from sink and takes the trash/recycling out. He cleans bathroom and vaccums.  I clean the rest of condo. I cook but he’ll fend for himself if Im feeling lazy.  

We negotiated some of these… like I HATE the sink gunk, and he hates pots and pans so we agreed to take care of that for each other.  

Post # 40
773 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

In our house its fairly equitable. Before I tore the cartilage in my hip recently it went something like this.  I cooked all meals unless I was at work and then he cooks dinner. I usually make breakfast but on the weekends he makes pancakes for the kiddos.  Whoever cooks the other cleans up after unless of course my hip is bothering me so bad and then the kiddos take over. 

DH is a neat freak so laundry being done is his thing, and I make beds, vacuum, and pick up, scrub the kitchen, and wash windows. Once a month DH, myself, and our kiddos do a deep clean where everything gets taken down and we dust, pull out appliances and clean behind them. 

Kiddos clean their own rooms and do their own laundry, and since I have been injured and waiting on surgery they have taken over the vacuuming, and heavy lifting. We have a teenage son who helps unload groceries for me, and the others put them away. 

The one chore I absolutely can not do is clean a bathroom. It makes me gag. Not sure why but just spraying cleaner in a toilet makes me want to vomit, so DH does that chore. 

As for outside work. I garden, and DH does mowing and I did do the weed eating but since Im on a cane our son does it now. 

We also have chickens, so I feed them, DH waters them and the kids gather the eggs. 

Post # 41
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

When we were both working full time, if I cooked, he did the dishes, and vice versa. I sweep/vacuum and he swiffers. I clean the bathrooms and he cleans the kitchen. I’d say laundry is 75/25 me, but when he does it I still fold my own clothes. I do most of the grocery shopping, but he’ll pick up random things I need on his way home from work. Now that I’m home, once DD is on a sleep schedule, I’ll do almost everything.

Post # 42
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I organize/direct most of the cooking and grocery shopping/compiling the grocery list, but Fiance definitely helps with everything (going to the store with me, chopping whatever veggies I need, helping to grill any meat, etc). As far as cleaning, he is way more organized than I am and has a high(er) standard of cleaning. He does most of the cleaning in the kitchen while I take care of the bathrooms and help with the kitchen when he asks or I have done a lot of cooking. We have a dog and we split taking care of him 50/50 based on our schedules of who leaves the house last and who gets home first. We each do our own laundry but will throw the other’s clothes in if we have the space.

Post # 43
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Currently, I’ve been doing all the chores, but he does all the projects. He spends more time on the projects than I do on chores. Projects include things like repainting, installing a pantry, doing a backsplash, etc.  We’re almost finished with the  big items though, and then we’ll look into splitting the chores more evenly. 🙂

As things settle down, I’d love to see him do all the yardwork, the dishes since I do most of the cooking and lunch preparation, plus cooking twice a week. 

Post # 44
3100 posts
Sugar bee

We’re a same sex couple, so there isn’t a gender divide.  We both work long hours, and fortunately our budget allows for a housecleaner to come in 1-2x a week.  (We’re trying twice a week for a month or two to see if we think it’s worth the extra cost.)

However, here’s how we divide the chores:

I handle: the dishes, decluttering as needed, regularly clean out the fridge/pantry, the cat litter box, track bills/ensure they’re paid, light daily housekeeping like hanging up jackets. I usually sort the clothes and start the laundry. I also am the one who tracks our social calendar, makes sure we RSVP to things, buy baby gifts, send birthday cards, etc.

SO does: most of the cooking (she really enjoys it), takes out the trash/recycling most of the time. She generally will finish the laundry (take stuff out of dryer/fold clothes/put them away.)  

We get most of our groceries delivered, but on the rare occasion we need to run down to the corner store to buy milk, we usually take turns.  

SO tends to be in charge of dinner more often, but a few times a month I cook stuff in bulk and freeze portions, so sometimes her ‘cooking dinner’ actually means thawing and cooking the frozen enchiladas I made and making some rice for a side dish.

Wow, I hadn’t realized until typing this out how many chores we share – one of us will start and the other will finish (like cooking/dishes and laundry/putting clothes away.)  That’s kind of sweet! It works out pretty well.  However, if we couldn’t afford a housekeeper to come in regularly, I don’t think things would run quite as smoothly. We’d probably bicker a lot.

Post # 45
9579 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

before we hired a cleaning person, i asked DH what chores he wanted to do.  i figured if he picked them, he would be more willing to do them.  so he pcik what he wanted to do, and i did the the rest.


now we have a cleaning person, it is just easier.  by DH does the cooking, kitchen cleaning (although not to my standard), bottle washing, and food shopping.  i take the brunt of taking care of our baby. this works for us.

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